The worse of the sexes

Women really are evil.

I swear, we can cry to make anything worse that it really is -

Infringe allogations upon those who've slightly hurt our feelings, then turn around and make them look like devil's advocate.

I am very guilty of this. As are a lot of my closest friends.
After all... isn't this why we get married?
So that we have someone to practice these talents on?

I think so.

One gleaming example is Denise Richards.

Earlier this week, an onslaught of accusations against ex-husband Charlie Sheen came out that he was into gay and child porn (among other things).

Come to find out just a few days later, that these were all intentions for Richards to gain 100% custody of their two children.

Guess that was a pretty effective route when trying to cover up the fact that she's been seeing Richie Sambora (Hottie Locklear's Ex) since November (not March, like she had told everyone else).

Woooopsieeessss.

Omission is betrayal!

I saw this guy I did personal assistant work for go through something similar --- his ex girlfriend took his son to Mexico on 'vacation' and never came back. Now he's without child, frustrated as hell, and spending oodles of $$ on court dates, while the mrs. is accusing him of a number of things that just aren't in his nature.

Not that I knew him on a super-close level, but two months of consistent behavior not demonstrating her accusations kind of makes you think that woman is exercising alterior motives.





What Else?:




*::Britney Spears' pregnancy:
withheld not from the public/her mother,
but allegedly from her long-time record company,
Jive Records, to try and circumvent being
dropped from the label now that she is preggo
and unable to work out/get back into
preforming shape for a new album/tour.





I can't wait til Katie (Kate, as Tom demands we call her now that she's a mom, and not a 5-year-old) Cruise unleashes her rath after all of this Scientology, mind-control bull-shit. She's bound to snap within the next year or so... and then what will we get to hear about the mind-freak that is Tom Cruise?



I have to imagine the above just aren't very good at their trade, because they got caught in their lies. The best ones come off as classy.

Something to think about:
Lesbian Couples: Are they the masters of the aforementioned, or do they just skip trying because they know who they're up against?

It must suck to be...

Jessica Simpson.

Honestly, every day, a girl or seven break up with their head-over-heels boyfriends to move on to big, usually not-better things.

Jessica Simpson breaks up with Nick Lachey because:

First: she has been rumored to have cheated with the likes of Johnny Knoxville (he's married, with child), Bam Margera and Adam Lavine (who, i'm sorry... has already been promised to Erin black!)

Ok... she's super christian girl who started singing because God blew some wind up her back, and now she's slutting around all over Hollywood?

I doubt it.

Second: she was done with Newlyweds. The show molded them into who they were supposed to be, not who they actually were, thus making the couple grow apart.

I guess that would work, since that pretty much makes it all our fault.

This: she has a creepy relationship with her father (barf), who never liked Lachey to begin with.

*shudders like Mr. Burns.* He just creeps me out hardcore, so I'm not touching that one with, well... any kind of stick-shaped object.

Either way, aren't we lucky that when we lowly, non-celebrity girls decide to go through with cutting ties, we get to snip and go? If all of my ex's got to take such a ride out of the breakup like Mr. 98 degrees here, I think I'd blow a gasket.

We have:

*::An Entire Album devoted to the break up
*::TWO(+?) cover-story articles (Teen People, US Weekly and Rolling Stone on "my side of the story" that clearly doesn't bash Jess, but is sort of a plee for, "please take me back... i still love you... and look - i'm not even publicly slamming you But I am... flexing my Raging Biceps and Washboard Abs! Look at those Lips. You love me!"

You know what... I'd say, "stay true to form and start a damn show about it!" but...

*::Nick already has A 1/2 hour series on MTV about the proccess of the album and how it came to be (which reverts us back to the break-up).

Oh. My Gawd!

I'm not stickin' up for Jess by any means, because I've never been a huge fan, but If I had to put up with that whiney, pansy-ass, little boy bullshit in a break-up that Lachey is throwing out... I'd hire some serious Mafia.

Donde es...?

Hubs... where your blog be?

Oops...He Did it Again...

I know this will be on every damn gossip blog around, but a little radio station birdee told me US Magazine confirms that Britney Spears is 4 Months Preggo with Spederline #2.

Good thing she and Kevin make reallllllly cute babies.
Reportedly, when doctor told Britney she was expecting for the second time, "she cried her eyes out."

Who knows...

I know Kevin is the douche we all love to hate, but I bet men all over america are wondering how the hell he has such super sperm.

Does god really enjoy making complete idiots that capable of producing?

I can't imagine he's that much of a tool if the two are boinking/bumping uglys/makin' k-lovin' it up so often.

Maybe... we can even expect another one of these.

Well, that bodes well for me.

New attitude finally attained.

I choked on my spit this morning and now I can't stop coughing.
I also lost the key to my scooter.
That was a short high.
Looking into getting a new key.

::*I had a huge realization yesterday that in my seeking to try and figure out what's right for me, i'm placing too many premiums on "that which works for everyone around me must be right for me, too."

That was completely the wrong direction to go with that...
So, i'm working on cutting it out and appreciating everyone else's ways of life, but trying to create my very own path for myself.

Sounds like a no-brainer, but i'm such a super-soaker sponge that it's all too easy for me to take on the inner workings of those around me, all while forgeting what exactly it is that i want from myself.

-->Good for observation... but doesn't neccessarily mean i need to make those actions/ideals my day to day routine.

Who do I want to be?
Flighty. Successful. Literary. Travel-Fiend. Open. Loving. Funny.

And frankly, I think I'm pre-destined to marry someone in the spotlight, as I'm excellent at dressing them up all pretty, then showing up all divad to shmooz events, myself.

A Musician's/Actor's Jackie O, if you will.

Be that arrogant or not, I enjoy that immensly, and feedback in such instances have been positive.

****************************************************

I've also been apologizing for every f'ing thing i say/do/don't do as of late, and i'm going to knock that off, as well.

The only way you'll get a sorry out of me now is if I bash you in the shin with a giant metal bat.

And lucky for you, I'm not prone to violence.

everyone Needs a Motivational Speaker.

This is mine:

Ah, Celebrity

So...

This is Cheyenne Kimball.

Hot, huh?
Heard of her.

I think I've seen blurbs of her on MTV from time to time.

I think she sounds a bit like Miss. Lavigne out of Canada (Avril, not Adam).

I'd listen to her right now, but i'm at work sans speakers.

Sad.

Apparently, Miss Kimball is coming out with a reality show... kind of like "Ashlee Simpson meets Ashley Parker Angel" without bearing the name Ashley.

What a relief.









The only reason I bring this to discussion is because an aquaintance of mine from High School (who rolled with my Cousin Oakley in the days of punk/alternative band Amnesia and used to sport a bit of a Camel Toe) has now moved on from Avion ("7 Days Without You") to playing bass for this up-and-coming rock chic.

Looks like the move to L.A., befriending the boys in Lifehouse and really sticking it out has really paid off.

Way to go Joey. I"m so proud of you! :-)

Check Cheyenne out on myspace or Epic's Official Website.

Her show will proably hit MTV next season rotation... Summer maybe?

And if you're going to be watching all the 16-year-old snob-fests and the Call-2-Greatness boys beating world records, you'll have time to check out her and her band boys.

Baby Report

Funnily enough (i've coined the word), after I posted that the other day, Katie popped out her diva girl child: Suri Xenu L. Ronnette Holmes-Cruise.

Longest Name... Ever.
Poor girl.

And Gwyneth again proves she's super smart by bringing her moses out into the public eye so that the paparazzi don't follow them around like hound dogs frothing at the mouth.

Cute baby.

(photo courtesy Perez)


He sure has a smokin' lot of hair for a two week baby.

And really long fingers.

Not too mention G. seems to be without all her baby weight.

oh, how i envy other's dna. I'll be bloated to the nines!

Flight 101: Prepare for Take Off:

I'm finding out more and more each year that i'm great at the motivation/getting started part... terrible at the follow through.

Examples?:

1. Pi Beta Phi: I know.
Me.
In a sorority.

When I finally arrived at college, I was DYING to be part of greek life. Despite people's negative views, it's a great way to meet fabulous friends, keep you on track with school and get involved with the community.

Hell, some people even make life-long careers out of their greek experience.

My very first week of college, I got up at 7am to get bid sheets, spent countless hours during rush smiling so much my face hurt, digesting tic tacs to keep the breath decent and talking about who I was, where I came from, why I was wearing a sweater when it was 70 degrees outside. Ha.

Six days later, i was accepted into Pi Beta Phi - a group of really beautiful, brainy, diverse women. And I got to be part of the crowd. Fun stuff!

One year, tons of parties, study hours and community service later, I wasn't sure If I would return to NAU in Flagstaff, So I resigned (i think mostly to please a boy), and now that I"m finding all of the old girls on Myspace, I'm wondering if I had stuck with it, if I'd have a lot more tight-knit friends, a handsome, reliable hubby, and a little more of my life figured out...

I seriously think I'd be married by now... and wouldn't that just be funny?

2. College: Man I miss college.
So much so that I'm seriously considering going back in September.

Continuing from Point #1 though...
That second semester, I did end up back in Flag (because of a boy). My living situation was aweful, the guy ended up being a total fraud of what he had portrayed to me over the summer, and so when that semester was up, I was OUT.

Don't get be wrong, my academics were soaring, and I was in the best shape of my life. Focus 1000% of your energy toward school so that you don't think about the rest of your problems, then take WAY too much ephedra in order to try and look hot for a guy (because ephedra = eating nothing and working out three hours a day), and you're going to get these results...

But I called home crying, and let other people talk me into moving home being a good idea, until I figured out where else I wanted to go.

(Hmm... maybe I need to start doing things for myself instead of everyone around me. haha)

The trip home proved to be useful for a lot of other people... I was sort of a grounding post, so I felt useful, and therefore fullfilled. But when it came time to head back out (I was thinking a wicked cool art school in Chicago, or attending University of Puget Sound on the ocean), time was skinny and I had to:

A. Stay home
B. Go back to Flag.

Flag it is, because I couldn't be at home any longer.
Everything turned out keen... and despite moving around a little bit, I'm sure I graduated in four years because if I had taken any longer, I would have gotten bored and quit... but what if I had gone to Chicago? Or Puget Sound?

I'd either be:

A: fat from all the drinking and delish pizza
B: Some ocean chic living in a sweet loft with a hopefully even sweeter boyfriend.

3. My second Move home:
I've kept it pretty under wraps with friends... but I moved back home for awhile.
Denver was great. I needed a change in pace - so instead of being Flighty and doing everything half-assed, I really went all out.

We're talking: putting on the big girl pants and getting a "career" job.
buying a house.
being near family again.

This is all well and good except that my heart and happiness are still in the big city, either waiting for my body to come back or to move on to another thriving big-city scene.

And don't take that as me insulting home or all the people who live here... because i love all of that dearly, but this just isn't for me.

I keep telling myself, "it's only 6 months... it's only 6 months" but i'm sliding every-so-slowly toward two, and having a hard time seeing how I'm going to last four months more.

Amen to the best friends in the world for keeping me busy, and the great job I have to keep me creative, and busy... but this week has been unbelievably hard on me.

And I know you can do anything for a year, and "six months is just a drop in the bucket of life," but what if I die within those next six months and my last time on earth was spent doing something I wasn't happy doing?

That bothers me to no end...

4. Every flippin' day: Do you know how often I get all excited and wound up about a project, but it just never really comes to flourition for me. You can ask a friend of mine who invited me to start a business with her. All sickness, five jobs and strife aside... I just didn't follow through.

And it's sad, because I genuinely want to. On everything i get exciteda bout.
The motivation... the drive is there.
But for some god damn reason, I can't bring myself to finish.

So then I wonder...
How the fuck did I finish school?
How am I a functioning human being?

Back to real life...

I'm sitting at work with this amazing project in my hands, but i have no motivation, therefore, the fear of failure has become completely realized, and of course you can see my frustration and depression this week are entirely too real...

Home was supposed to refresh and revive me... instead, I just feel like all my insecurities and doubts have not only surfaced, but are beating me around with a big, giant, whipping stick!

Sorry to be such a downer. I hope everyone is thriving. I will be soon...

Distracted

This could very well be the coolest, yet scariest, things I have ever seen.

The Clock is Ticking...

How is it that Gwyneth seemed to only be preggo for about three months (with Moses Martin, born Apr. 8) and Katie Cruise and Gwen Stefani are taking nearly 17 years to pop out their god damn children!?

Jesus. Have you kids already!
Or you know, just stay out of the spotlight so much so that we don't have to wait so long for your babies to arrive.

Chris, Gwenyth and Apple came into Zaidey's downtown right around my birthday (Feb. 20) and my boy waited on them...
She's all beautiful, glowy and gracious and 8 1/2 months pregnant?! I thought she may have been pushing about 5 months then. That's insane.

Big fat thanks to the Martins for being so 'normal' in celebrityville and esp. for the sweet drawings you left at your table that are now in my kitchen :-)

Chris draws a mean pumpkin, and little Apple has little, little hands.

Wanted: Dog Whisperer

There are a few things I am expert at making look easy, but taking care of a dog is NOT one of them.

I grew up with a dog...

a dog that would go on all-day field trips by himself through the woods, visit our two neighbors (incidently, my aunts) and head home to sleep by the livingroom window.

A major truck stop was located just over a mile up the road where he'd jump in to people's truck beds, steal their groceries, and carry it back for a picnic on our front lawn.

Really. Cool. Dog.

I expect all other dogs need to be just like him:
Easy, independent and free of peeing all over the mother fucking house!

My current house guest, has already torn up my carpet, dug a big hole in my backyard and runs defiantly into my neighbors garages. I knows she's laughing at me as I akwardly creep onto their land to snag her by the collar, then drag her back home as she drops her body weight and acts like she's choking down her last breath all the way into my backyard.

Such a drama queen (just like her dad).

Not to mention that incessant WHINING that goes on 42 minutes out of each hour.
Seriously... i'm going to rip the little vocal chords right out of the throat...

I'm going out of my mind, missing my mom-free lifestyle, and getting a lot less sleep.
And less sleep = a very, very bitchy Sami.

Cursed that stupid, stupid dog.
I love her. I'm totally a dog person. She really is fabulous, but
I've got 99 problems and this bitch is one.

The Power of PoonTang.

Isn't it funny, that wherever you go, your cycles start getting intune with all other bitches around you?

My sorority in college had 98 girls involved. About 1/3 of them lived in house (dorm). And usually, all of them had their time of month at the same time of month.

I haven't really been around girls lately on a daily basis, but now that I have one right across from me at work... we're sharing the same calendar dates in regards to our period after only a month.


And I thot it was funny that my uterus has the power to command other women to join me in its misery.

That's one powerful sexual organ. I'd like to see the penis do that!

I wonder if this oddity is done to repay all the men around us for their stupidity. Raging hormone bitchfest for 3-7 days. All the while, our cycles delay themselves to match up, making us sexually active females worry if we're carrying a child.

REAL FUNNY.

Well... Solved that Problem

The older I get, the more I realize that as different as we all are, we pretty much all experience the same time-tested hang-ups and situations in regaurds to personal relationships:

I'm still testing the waters to see which ones I'm still missing, and which one will work most idealy for me.

But so far, I have it pegged down to:

1. The relationship full of turmoil.

2.The lustful pining (i.e. (s)he's dating/fucking more people than just me...)

3.The "shmoop-factor, hang around and make everyone throw up because you're so cute" relationship.

4.The "this is fun, but you'd be a better best friend" trial period.

5. And then you have the "this is it. i saw them and just knew they were it" individual.

Now, the last one is beautiful because the person that has been gifted this spot will always and forever (even tho they're probably not the one) do no wrong in your eyes. Even though they'll pull the same sneaky stuff as the other people, you tend to miss it, put up with it, etc. etc. etc. because your heart, gut and head told you this person was good shit.

It is not beautiful in that when you feel this for someone, they usually do not recipricate those feelings, as they are directing those feelings toward another individual.

In the rare occurance that you have a "Notebook" romance, you usually turn into couple number "3" (see above) without the disgusting part, and then you're just lucky.

The sad thing, now, is that I had that individual until last weekend.

Add some liquor, some bitter/hurt feelings of being shufted aside for five/six months and a boost of confidence from one of your best friends to make a phone call... and you're going to rock the boat.

I didn't really say anything unwarranted on the phone, but after a retarded e-mail reply from the above person just moments after I called him (i'm sorry, but you've sent me WAY too many of these)... I had some time to stew some more, get a little more angry, and throw some really mean words back to his e-mail account.

So now, instead of feeling angry, I just feel embarassed and regretful and I'm pretty sure he could care less.

And I just wanted to take this time to reflect on that, because despite my angry words, I really am fragrantly disapointed.

I also wanted to let that person know that you did have that spot in regaurds to my perspective... and maybe if you knew that, you'd know you're not half as bad as you beat yourself down to be... because I didnt' just pull my opinion from nowhere.

Thanks for giving me hope that one day, maybe i'm going to deserve better than what i've been putting myself through for the last five years.

But I guess it's time for me to find a new one...

oh, drag.

I have fat cow disease.

this means:
my ass is fat.
my thighs are fat.
my arms are really fat
my budah is making an extra, special, overstayed appearance!

all while eating decent and working out.

hence, the fat cow disease.

grrrrrreeeeeaaaat.
stupid hormones.

if you're concerned, please feel free to leave your expert diet/exercise tips, or send me fat pills at my new address.

New Crush

Since I'm pretty sure in about two months or so, this drew fellow will be showing up in a few magazines as the new stud around town. I"m calling him, right now...really early in the game, just so none of you other persnickity females can lay dibs.

He's MINE!!!

Last night, Call to Greatness premiered on MTV, and I found myself a new dreamboat --- nice, cause it's been awhile.

The premise?: "JackAss" with a purpose: Travel around the U.S. looking for world records to break.

Completely shot at 11:30pm, I wasn't going to stay up to watch, but as soon as I saw the commercial trailer with a trampoline race, I was committed til' midnight.



Last night's breaking records?:
Most kicks to the head in One minute (my man Drew; 45 - later beat out by another one of the crew at 49)
Longest distance of a marshmallow shot out of one's nose into another man's mouth (17 feet, 8 inches).
Longest Egg Toss/Catch (Failed!)
Most man weight on a zip line delivered the longest distance (1200ft).
Most Lunges done on an Escalator (122)
Longest moonwalk in an hour (1.69 miles).

My whole post about this MTV show (that actually is entertaining... not dating trash, like all the other usual visual vomit) is mostly motivated by the school-girl crush i developed over the half-hour program - but also that I was laughing at the complete random scenarios...

As Oakley had pointed out, "Why are they doing this in a desert? With adobes all around? That's not neccessary."

MTV actually gets it right once in awhile. I was beginning to loose hope, cause VH1 has royally been kicking your ass since 2001.

Now, I can't wait for the trampoline race, and I"m guessing if I were still in college, I'd be piling all of my best girls from 7th Floor South in Sechrist Hall into my dorm room to tune-in every Monday Night.

The double whammy is this Drew Character. Go look at the photo gallery. Ha-cha-cha-cha.

So if you know him, or have means to know him... please, do have him look me up, because I think he's:

A) got a fabulous sense of humor
B) dresses beautifully
C) has gorgeous teeth
D) great hair
E) and i love the fact that he smiles a lot
and
F) is goal-driven.

And i'm totally down to walk around like a complete klutz if that means I get to do so in the good graces of such a beautiful man.

April Fool

I didn't play any mean jokes yesterday.

The ones that I could have pulled were subjective to coming back to bite me in the ass, so i figured I should leave well-enough alone, and spend the day bbqing, cruising around town on my new favorite possession (which i really think makes people happy because they all smile when you ride by on something no one else in town has posession of) and having a free-for-all "food day" with Robbie.

Today, rather than simmer in the hate that i have for "Daylight Savings Time" -- my all-time, least-favorite occurance during the year -- i've been trying to get my life organized and back into shape.

Feeling good, seeing as how most of the time, i'm doing this for other people...

This means:

**a clean car
**a stream-lined phone plan (I went over nearly $100 the last two months from... TEXT MESSAGES?!?!?!!?!??!!? I spent a good chunk of my afternoon on the phone with customer service and cut my prices a jillion.. $80 is little to ask for my spansive plan.
**bill pay directly from my checking account (SO COOL! has anyone else discovered this?) --- it ain't no online-bill pay from the website -- but from your bank... they send out payments to businesses when you say "go." So cool... And saves me cash on Stamps.
**Clean sheets
**Clean Curtains (who knew if i washed them once, it's shrink them to the size i needed. happy coincidence= serendipity)
**Clean House

I've also come to the peace of mind that my initial plan set forth in February, albiet hard at the time, was a good one... I miss denver dearly and have already become bored with Rapid City.

Really bored.

I mostly miss the little things... St. Marks Cafe Mochas...Really Tall buildings, walking two blocks to great pizza, a stellar flower shop, "Buzz" Central and this little vintage "marylin" style store... music every night of the week... city noise... normal drivers...hustle... central airport... mountains... stores/vendors open later than 9pm...my independence away from our so-called family dynasty (yuck to the 9th factor... i'm starting to judge some family members a lot less...).

Ok, it's basically all things. But there's the bonus baby, great friends and always somewhere to be other than home. Oh yeah... and Cake. REALLY GOOD CAKE from Piece of Cake.

Plus, the place I worked all through college... it's bottomless free beverages whenever I choose. Very cool..

I"m glad to be here doing my thing to help out where I can for awhile, but being here has restored my thots even further that I either need to head back to Denver in a few months, or most likely, another big city on the map (i'm really leaning toward Chicago right now, despite the cold... it's still central, near water, and cool as hell!).

I wasn't aware that Easter was coming up so fast on the 16th of April... I"m either staying here or heading to Boston to watch a good friend of mine run the Marathon. I've always wanted to check out Beantown, so here's a great opportunity...

For now, it's quality time with my brother and his pooch who is the wildest woman around...
hopefully tomorrow, i'll have something smarmy and witt-telligent words to share with you all.

Until then, I bid you a wonderful lazy Sunday afternoon (and more sunshine at night!).