Wanted: Dog Whisperer

There are a few things I am expert at making look easy, but taking care of a dog is NOT one of them.

I grew up with a dog...

a dog that would go on all-day field trips by himself through the woods, visit our two neighbors (incidently, my aunts) and head home to sleep by the livingroom window.

A major truck stop was located just over a mile up the road where he'd jump in to people's truck beds, steal their groceries, and carry it back for a picnic on our front lawn.

Really. Cool. Dog.

I expect all other dogs need to be just like him:
Easy, independent and free of peeing all over the mother fucking house!

My current house guest, has already torn up my carpet, dug a big hole in my backyard and runs defiantly into my neighbors garages. I knows she's laughing at me as I akwardly creep onto their land to snag her by the collar, then drag her back home as she drops her body weight and acts like she's choking down her last breath all the way into my backyard.

Such a drama queen (just like her dad).

Not to mention that incessant WHINING that goes on 42 minutes out of each hour.
Seriously... i'm going to rip the little vocal chords right out of the throat...

I'm going out of my mind, missing my mom-free lifestyle, and getting a lot less sleep.
And less sleep = a very, very bitchy Sami.

Cursed that stupid, stupid dog.
I love her. I'm totally a dog person. She really is fabulous, but
I've got 99 problems and this bitch is one.