Did I do and say those things? Yes...Yes, I did.

Double WHAMMY

2007-01-26T14:15:00.000-07:00

I've started a new blog HERE

bookmark it, babes: http://samagram.blogspot.com

lots of good things to come... and hopefully at a more frequent pace (JINX).

DAMMIT!

What the hael?!

2006-12-30T15:28:00.000-07:00

k... i have new favorite reading material over here with Mr. Rob Sheridan... most notably this entry. hahahahaha.

Also in his realm of writing/art/hilariousness:
*"The First (and Second) Annual Stupid MySpace Haircut Contest" (snide witicisms always a plus in my book)
*Population Paste: A column for making fun of everything pornography... (i still can't talk after the penis enlarger video as I can't get over how into himself and the hobby of 'pumping' the guy is in the video). hahahaaha
*GISB: where he and his REALLY COOL GIRLFRIEND make fun of google search items.

Enjoy - and oh yeah, one more thing...
Upon surfing, i crossed this - and please tell me - what the HELL is this?!

The Simple Life + 1

2006-12-07T09:56:00.001-07:00

I'm a closet Simple Life Fan - (was). Stupid hos, stupid scenarios - but Nicole Richie is f'ing hilarious.

Here's a quick review:
Season One: The girls shack up down south on a farm.
Season Two: The girls travel cross country in a motor home, earning their way to get to cali.
Season Three: Interns. The girls travel around the northeast sector of the country staying with families and spending two days at a time working for big-whig (and not-so big-whig) companies as interns.
Season Four: Short season (8 episodes), semi required by contract... The girls play "housewife" (pregnancy, cooking, kids, make-overs, etc.) and alternate on every-other-day schedule, as they refuse to work with each other.

I downloaded two of the eight "Til' Death do us Part" episodes, consequently the first and the last.

From the "Good Luck, BITCH" Cookie to the impersonator feud, i'm more than convinced the entire the entire thing was an ultimate prank and media stunt to sell the season. I call bullshit - and wait resolution in a fifth season (silent 'woohoo'.

Here, Paris has sent in a hollywood impersonater (as she did not want to go to work) - on the wrong day - Nicole takes advantage of Natalie (the imposter) and when Paris gets word, all hell breaks loose:

Thoughts? (I'm sure know one cares. but this is a lot lighter than most recent posts. Plus it's super hilarious).

Personally - I would have loved to see a bitch fight...

**Speaking of Paris impersonators - there is a girl pretty infamous on YouTube for creating multiple character videos - such as Gwen Stefani, Jamie Lynne Spears, Paris Hilton, "Little Loca", and more under the usernames: therealparis, stevieryan, littleloca, iLLUmnati etc.)

She was even on foxnews (i came in late on the boat, but still found it interesting enough to waste an hour on the YouTube.com). It sounds uninteresting at first, but you start going through all her stuff and it gets pretty entertaining.

Stevie Ryan is an aspiring actor in L.A... and pissing tons of people off on the web (ha). You can check her out at www.myspace.com/lovestevie, www.lovestevie.com. The majority of her personal stuff is actually pretty cool: very retro/50s - very french. Very old time.

(Samples: here, here and more creativily (my favorite): here

Here's a mock of paris - and a somewhat smarmy way of insulting everyone who's been giving her shit. :):

San Francisco

2006-12-04T10:54:00.001-07:00

Slideshows to come.

Here are just a few of my favorites (thanks to Sara and Tom for driving my ass around so I could see all of this!):

Lombard.

The Wharf.

Awesome Trees!

St. Paul's Cathedral

Bay Bridge/View of Downtown:

Golden Gate Park:

Nightime on Overlook (better one comin'):

i am in trouble...

2006-11-24T00:27:00.001-07:00

I spent the majority of my trip home today listening to loveline on my ipod (my car outlet was missing, and i had no blank cds), sipping on non-drousy Robutussin and wishing home was only 3 hours (200 miles) from Denver, instead of 6.

Upon arrival, I felt more at peace and at home that I have in the last six weeks. I feel like i'm leading two lives, and the person I slip back into when I return to South Dakota (suprisingly) is so much more... real.

I knew when I moved back to Denver, my way of going about it was anything but ordinary.

I pushed my time out here at home as far as I could, then left all of my things... and MY home, and took off with clothes, some all important bedding and a big, comforter-sized box full of my personality.

Or so I thought...

My past 5/6 weeks in Denver have made me feel so unbelievably unsettled. I've grown into the roll of a gypsy that has some things here, a few more things there, then continually wondering where the hell I left my keys 10 minutes ago. Dispite all this, I've been content getting along with all the people that filter in through my day to day (non)routines.

I wanted something different. I wanted to treat my second venture out into the career world as "serious business woman in the big city" somewhat like college: I bring my most favorite neccessities, get a cheap room - then make the rest up as I go.

Check. Check. Check.

Work has been a challenge. I've slowly been trying to prove myself to a group of people by working through my frustrations/ wall-coliding problems on my own by pulling from the outrageous amount of emotional work experience I endured over the past year. I've been getting better... I'm still trying to find my exact fit...

It's gotten to the point now, where it's not "What do I want to do?" or "Am I doing the right thing?"

No.

This time it is about who I am. I'm really starting to trust myself. And i've been sitting on a lot of passions/ideas that I really plan on putting into the action in the near future to really make sure I tell the world exactly who that is. I don't feel like maybe i'm doing the wrong/right thing... i'm just doing my thing - and know that I can do it however I want because it's my life, i only get once - and "whether I can or can't, i'm right" and finding i'm capable (and will be capable) of a lot more than I thought I would be when I was dancing around in questionable limbo.

I'm feeling good in that aspect. Damn good.

But as for feeling at home -- feeling whole -- feeling really, really good in my surroundings - this has been lost. And when I finally got home tonight at 11:40p.m. (Thanksgiving) - I walked into my home, full of my things, and realized I did not, in fact, pack my personality and comfortability into that large box -- it all was left here.

I gave my house a hug, turned on some heat, and set up the spare television in my room... and this feeling that I'll be able to sleep soundly - awake content, and walk around barefoot on shaggy carpet and clean pergo floors - has made my entire month of november.

I can see this being a real problem when I have to go back to Denver on Sunday... a love affair with a house. Who knew my great loves in life would have nothing to do men?

Things to Think About:

2006-11-13T21:36:00.000-07:00

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and two cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas betweenthe golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the liquid into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - God, family, children, health, friends, and favoritepassions -- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else -- the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "There is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never haveroom for the things that are important to you."

"So...Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always roomfor a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

When Life Hands You Lemons...

2006-11-08T20:46:00.000-07:00

You make novela lemonade:

I've just come up the stairs to my apartment with dinner, large workload and an appetite for all things carbohydrate - this is, of course, not before walking around downtown with a grocery bag filled with 20 (yes, 20) lemons.

It's not my sour attitude. Just a quirky little thing from today that would slide nicely into the pages of a book...

Every time something horrible happens - a disagreement, me crying, me talking about why i'm crying, i got lost on the way to point B, I have no money til Friday, Etc. - i have one person that always tells me, " Jesus, Sami - Zach Braff isn't around with videocameras and his screenplay for his latest movies! (which btw, wasn't that superb)."

And every time they say this, I laugh a little, because I'm not a generally dramatic person - though their reaction and concern to all things involving them would suggest otherwise.

When I'm hurt - I hurt big because I have a big heart, I'm sensitive and better to get it all out at point of impact, then let things build into mass destruction. I give room for second, third, fourth chances, and while I think most logically about situations, my genuine need to care and faith for betterment always get in the way.

As I get older, I grow increasingly fond of the mentality that you should keep it to yourself and wait it out, honey - because you'll feel better in the morning."

And I always do - because Since the age of three I've been saying, "It'll be O.K."

I'm finding, lately, I'm having to pull that three year old confidence back out of me to support myself in situations not unlike the person I used to say this to when I was so young, but so wise.

There are a few ironic things "about last night":

1. a certain someone's birthday that connotates all things relating to this event
2. it all started over two measley minutes of music.

Being part writer, every time i see something happen in my life, I pause in my mind to write out the event in the best, most elaborately placed words possible so that someone else may later share in my occurance - all in those quiet moments before I fall asleep.

But last night, I spent a good hour trying to figure out how I could unwrite 120 minutes.

The funny thing about it all is this is who I am. I don't need a Zach Braff, and I don't need someone to constantly barade me about it. What's funniest thing about all of this, is the person always declaring that I act like I'm always in front of movie crew - has never read a damn thing i've written.

And so I say, don't knock it til you try it - because all's fair in love and war - and I still haven't written my book yet...

Socks

2006-10-12T01:55:00.000-06:00

I remember in 7th grade, the hip thing was to have every kind/color of sock possible. You can ask MMM - because along with being one of my major music influences and one of my best 7th grade friends - she was the hip chic wearing the sweetest socks in town.

I must have convinced my mom that i really needed new socks, because I went through a phase where I had rainbow toe socks, bugs bunny socks (which were awesome because they had tread on the bottom in the shape of bunny feet), heart socks, christmas tree socks, pumpkin socks, santa clause socks, green socks, yellow socks, blue socks, red socks, every damn colored sock under the sun.

Then I entered my obsessive work out phase all through sophomore year of high school through the end of college and all my color got wiped out for white - mostly because, when your feet get sweaty from running, they turn whatever color of sock you're wearing - and since I'm Irish and pretty much the color of fish belly - it made sense to stick with plane jane mcgee.

I attained a pair here and there along the way -- one pair of maroon fuzz socks from my Big Sis in pi phi that i wore til they were completely holed out - then some netted tights that i made into thigh highs after my butt got too big for the britches (ok... i bought a small on accident, instead of a large for my big girl butt).

I've stolen a pair of green fleeces from my mom, and my aunt lisa left my very favorite pair (really, really ridiculously THICK grey socks that strech up to your knees) at my first apartment in Denver when she helped me move all of my giant "Bitch Pieces*."

Now I'm left without - and so I generally go for flips - but now it's f'ing FREEZING outside, and now I'm reminded of how much I love shimmy-ing across my hardwoods/tile floors in big, wooley socks.

So just like everything else in life that makes me happy, I want more.

And beecause it's winter, and it's perfect weather for scarfs, cute coats, mittens and yes... SOCKS!

Along with this obscenely boring subject (i was GETTING TO THE POINT!), I also remember doing a "pretty panty exchange" with all of my aunts/cousins/sisters/friends when i was young.

You recieve a list of girls names on a list in the mail, and the top most person gets five pairs of pretty panties on you. It may sound like a lot, but when you only have to do it once (you may get cycled back through...) - it's really not a big deal.
"
So *ahem* -- MY POINT: I'd love to revive the "Pretty Panty Exchange," but rather than panties - I'd like to exchange socks - and I'm calling the gesture... "Winter Socks Appeal."

If anyone is interested, please e-mail me for details/instructions, and we'll get this bitch started.

Don't deny the socks, people. Because if you do, I'll just start it on my own with family i know that will participate, and you'll miss out on FREE SOCKS!

It's a fun way to spread the karma, and get cool stuff in the mail.

And who doesn't love getting packages?
I know your toes do...

*[Bitch Piece: (n): really obscenely akward or heavy furniture that is a "bitch" to carry up three flights of stairs (ex. 1950s desk, 1980s tv entertainment center, queen-sized, wobbly mattress).

In a Sentence: "Let's go with the Bitch Piece!" (followed by grunting and extreme lack of motivation because you're laughing so hard.]

gorgeous breath, darling.

2006-09-12T20:49:00.000-06:00

i have the best breath ever
After an entire onion and peppers. mmmm.. who wants a smooch?

sort of a good analogy for my day though... foul smelling, yet sweet?

I can say in the entire 20 years that i've not had the opportunity to fratrinize with my father, i've never actually had someone come up to me and talk about him directly.

If anyone outside of my family circle wonders why it's so impossibly difficult for me to let you love me or break down my giant road blocks, here's a little help (and for those of you that always stick around no matter what - you're the best ones, and i love you to the bottom of my toes).

I went through that whole heartbreak/hurt thing at an extremely young age. Twice.

One: Our phone line at the house I grew up in used to cut in and out during conversations - a routine a currence, and nothing to worry about. I remember one time, when I was 4 or 5 it cut out while I was talking to my dad and I cried an entire river into the kitchen. Granted, I cry a lot, but I thought since the phone cut out - it meant he was gone forever, too.

Two: At 9, I was clued into the actual person he is and it sickened me that I spent so much heart, hope and unconditional love on such a horrible individual. I tend to get blindsided most of the time and once trauma hits, it seems that worst case scenario seems inevitable.

Matter of factly, for any of you that know me, it makes all of my relationship choices over the last four years pretty clear as sunshine - and today sort of made it a little more clear to me, as well.

It seems the older I get, the more I learn about this... and it's never really great information. I never talk about it because i don't really feel like it's my story to tell.. i was just a spectator. But I'm sure if I called Loveline, Dr. Drew would be all up on the "how's the relationship with your father" bullshit.

Albiet things have turned out in the best way possible. I have the strongest family unit, the best step dad and great opportunities because my family (firstly, my mom, my brother and every single one of her 6 sisters, 2 brothers, grandparents, cousins) has shaped me into who i am.

Living in Rapid, I get "Oh you're a Lien. Who's daughter are you? are you a Sister?" alllllllll the time. All the time. And I welcome it openly, because my family rocks, and anyone who knows them is well aware of this.

But today, I had someone ask me if I was my father's daughter.

What....?

"Uh. Yeah."
"You remind me a lot of him."
I'm not one to skip over and avoid an akward subject - so I put my best 5-year-old tendancies to work and asked, "How?"
"Oh, you just do.."

That's like saying "i have really big news!" and then not disclosing the fucking daily.

"Ok..."

Granted, this guy had no idea. Apprently they went to high school together... my dad was some hot shot track star... Great runner - hated the meets and stuff ("Just because i'm good doesn't mean i like it" ideology).

My curiosity was peaked... I didn't know anything about him - and some total stranger walked in and started telling me about someone who was probably a cool guy before he dropped into my mom's life.

He asked me if I still knew where he worked (as any logical human being would asked). I said no (lie).

"Yeah, i really only see him once every few years or so," this man replied.

"Well...," I paused... "If you see him, tell him I said hi. (no, wait. lie)."
"Oh, do you not see him very often?"
"No."
"That's too bad."
"Not really..."

Insert foot in mouth (not a lie, but still should not have been said).

He stood there for a second and I could see the wheels turning - thinking he should probably not have said anything, trying to sum up of what the last 20 years could have possibly consisted... He stared at me for about 30 dead-silent seconds and then without saying anything, just walked out of the room.

I half wondered if I should have just avoided the topic completely, or held onto this unbiased individual a few more minutes to gather some more information. But to tell you the truth, I'm still wondering how I remind a total stranger of someone I don't even know. Seeing as how he has no idea who I am, and that I look just like my mom... I have to imagine it's some bizarre surface mannerism... but it never answered my question.

I've already made my decision on whether or not i'm interested in some sort of relationship with said father... but that curiosity still sits deep in my gut... and I have this itching feelin he's going to come round in the next five years or so...

**sorry if i made anyone uncomfortable. had to get that out, cause it's been racking my brain alll damn day.

Really?

2006-08-31T09:02:00.000-06:00

Every morning I walk into work, our cute little office girls are always chatting up the latest broadcast on Discovery Health/A&E/ABC. I’ve heard it all: people with no bottom half of the body that still function, bizarre murder investigations and now... that Rapid City would end in 30 minutes if the Super Volcano at Yellowstone National Park were to finally erupt after 630,000 years.

My First Thought?
My Family is all here?! What If I move and I loose my whole family? What is my strategy? Crap, I really shouldn't have bought a house here... Oh my gawd!!!!

So good way to start the morning, right?

Time for some research...

This "special," titled "Last Days on Earth" was featured on ABC's 20/20 (clue #1) had me wondering, so I stopped in online to check it out.

Aug. 29, 2006- What could cover the globe in ash, plunge Earth into an ice age and end life as we know it?

The answer is found in what lies beneath: supervolcanoes. Supervolcanoes are very rare. There is no need to run out and buy duct tape and plastic sheeting for this one. The last known supervolcano was about 74,000 years ago. But they are real, and one potential supervolcano lies right here in the United States, in one of America's most profound areas of natural beauty.

Just 20 miles beneath the earth's surface lies a pressurized ocean of molten rock looking for a way out. And a massive release of that molten rock would create a supervolcano - arguably the largest natural disaster humanity would ever face.

Unlike regular volcanoes, which are shaped like mammoth cones, supervolcanoes spring from massive canyons - calderas - that measure hundreds of miles across. Underneath their surface is a vast lake of lava. When the underground liquid rock - magma - bursts forth to the surface, a series of violent, massive explosions could occur in a wide-ranging eruption that could last several days. It would incinerate anyone within a hundred miles, and layers of ash would blanket much of the earth.

"These eruptions are so big that you couldn't really see them, because you couldn't be close enough to the volcano, watching it and survive. You could watch it from a satellite and you could see the volcano erupt and see the ash cloud begin to spread," said Michael Rampino, geologist and professor of earth sciences at New York University.

The ash cloud would become so thick it could cover the sun, causing global temperatures to plummet.

Scientists say such an event wiped out almost the world's entire population 74,000 years ago, when a supervolcano erupted in Toba, near the Indonesian island of Sumatra. Only a few thousand people survived.

Supervolcanoes are little understood by scientists. Their underground canyons of molten rock are immensely vast, making their potential starting points hard to identify. It has been only in the last decade that scientists have started uncovering these deadly hot spots around the world, but they still don't know where they all are.

So far, scientists have identified nearly 40 possible supervolcano hot spots, including one right in our own backyard, underneath Yellowstone National Park. Scientists estimate that the Yellowstone area will experience a supervolcano eruption approximately once every 600,000 years. The last one occurred more than 630,000 years ago.

So how would we know a supervolcano is coming? And is there anything people could do to stop it or limit its destruction?

"We haven't seen a supervolcanic eruption, so we're not sure about what we will see," said John Grattan, a volcanologist (clue #2) at the Institute of Geography Earth Sciences at the University of Wales. "But one of the things that we would expect would be increased earthquake activity, an increase in the small geyser eruptions that you get in Yellowstone."

"The bottom line is that when one of these eruptions occurs,, it's going to be a global disaster," said NYU's Rampino. "The only question is when and where."

[I spot 3 grammar errors and two different spellings of Supervolcano(e) (clue #3)...]

20/20 puts out another hard-hitting journalistic piece!

Congratulations! Yet again, you're scaring millions of TV Viewing Americans (clue #4) (P.S. That Britney Spears Special was real classic, too). that fail to watch any other bit of news into believing that they could probably, maybe, potentially die in the very near future... especially if you live in the surrounding areas. Christ, people... start watching Project Runway on Wednesday nights instead...

So I thought...Ok... 630,000 years. That's a lot of years. Mathematically, we've got the 2006 years (current) After Christ, then 630,000 - 2006 years = 627,094 years before, there was a Massive Volcano eruption at Yellowstone... So what, they've kept track of ONE major Yellowstone supervolcano eruption in the entire SPAN of time?!

Scientists estimate that the Earth formed about 4,600,000,000. How many of those years were there men around? Ok... how many years were there intelligent men? Are they getting this from some guy that scratched a photo on the wall? If this is the case, then wouldn't that massive eruption have erased all the evidence?

I'm probably being really ignorant here... and some scientists have spent their life's work on this question. If one of them is reading this - can you clue me in, because I think 20/20 is full of horse shit.

Discipline

2006-08-25T17:15:00.000-06:00

I think i've crossed over to the bad side.

Depending on whichever way you look at it... I could also be deemed responsible.

Last weekend, I misplaced my visa check card somewhere in Philadelphia. Actually... I think it may have been near the border of New Jersey by the Ben Franklin Bridge whilst using this card to buy a Dunkin' Donut and Small Vanilla Latte for $1.90.

Rather than tucking the card back into my card case - i think i crumpled it up with the reciept and ditched it with the bag. I'm so glad i left a piece of me out there.

But all is not lost, because it was the new NEW card, while i still had the old OLD card and was still able to afford certain things (a hotel room desperately needed for myself and said boyfriend who had not seen eachother in a month+) as well as food, gas, and the other goods...

When I returned home, I ran straight to the bank, canceled my card, then ordered anew. Lucky for me, i've been reading up on "how to start saving" and all that other responsible adult stuff because that's what you do when you're an adult... and also when you're killing time during slow periods at work - and I had started to put some $$ away in savings.

Since I have no checks - i'm completely without check card, and nad no cash (save the 1958 $2 bill I mentioned earlier, but don't dare spend because it's worth at lesat $8), i wrote out a withdrawl slip from my savings account and walked out with $100 cold hard cash.

The first $7 went fast... I think on Coffee or something... and then a chocolate chip muffin and some gasoline for my scooter.

I headed to the grocery store two days later with $86 and some change, to arrive at the register with a total reciept charge of $86.99. I dug out the change, the cashier gave me a quarter. Cha-CHING.

Since I still have no cash, and have yet to recieve my check card, I went to Borders with Teresa last night and bought a coffee and brownie with quarters and dimes that I somehow scrownged together last minute.

Classy.

I'm fighting to stay OFF my reserve line until Payday next friday and stay spend free and thrifty. Let me tell you... by $14.84 check from waiting tables two weeks ago was a god send... so much so, that I think i'm going to spend about 1/3 of that on the new Zach Braff movie or Little Miss Sunshine with Steve Carrell***

But instead of getting some chocolate (which i'm really needed a lot of lately)... i'm eating what's left of my coffee ice cream (hagen daz)...wishing that today's friday was the next... because then I wouldn't be in this predicament.

***Did anyone watch The Office last night? where it's Carrell's Birthday? You best check something out...

What's it Worth to You?

2006-08-24T12:53:00.000-06:00

There's a time or five i can recall just nearly being caught masterbating... but i'm quick and sly and it's not like i'm embarassed i do it - but it is a rather private event, and not something i'd really enjoy having anyone sit in on... unless you paid me, oh... $50,000 a pop. (ha...a pop).

And while it's not my first option... sex toys are great. grand. wonderful. I'd guestimate every... oh... 4th american has one.

Would I talk to my mom about it?

Probably not.

But would I lie and say I had explosives in order to save face in my sexual gratification?

Ha...

Sex-aid excuse bombs with airport security
Man traveling with mother says pump is a grenade

Thursday, August 24, 2006;
Chicago (Illinois)
Crime, Law and Justice

CHICAGO, Illinois (AP) -- Cook County prosecutors say a 29-year-old man traveling with his mother desperately didn't want her to know he'd packed a sexual aid for their trip to Turkey.
So he told security it was a bomb, officials said.

Madin Azad Amin, 29, of Skokie, Illinois, was stopped August 16 after guards found an object in his baggage that resembled a grenade, prosecutors said.

When officers asked him to identify it, Amin said it was a bomb, said Cook County Assistant State's Attorney Lorraine Scaduto.

He later told officials he'd lied about the item because his mother was nearby and he didn't want her to hear that it was part of a penis pump, Scaduto said.

He's been charged with felony disorderly conduct, said Andrew Conklin, a spokesman with the Cook County state's attorney's office.

Amin's attorney told a Cook County judge Wednesday that Amin whispered that the component was a "pump." The guard misunderstood, and thought he said "bomb," according to defense attorney Eileen O'Neill-Burke.

"He told her it's a pump," O'Neill-Burke said. "He's standing with his mother. Of course he's not going to shout this out."

However, Judge Gerald Winiecki decided there was sufficient evidence for the case to move forward after the female security guard testified that she heard Amin "clearly" say the word bomb.

Amin is charged with felony disorderly conduct, which could bring a three-year prison sentence if he's convicted. Amin is due back in court September 13

He told the Chicago Sun-Times after the hearing that security officials did not give him a chance to explain the misunderstanding, that he would never use the word "bomb" while going through a security checkpoint, and does not consider a penis pump an unusual object to own.

"It's normal," he said. "Half of America they use it."

Copyright 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

Shocking...but Great.

2006-08-23T13:09:00.000-06:00

Something I've helped work on just a tad (barely, compared to the fam), but anyone in Rapid City knows this is a pretty huge deal (and really neat on all of the family's part for the company :-) )

***
Cowboy Hill for sale
By Dan Daly, Journal Staff Writer
RAPID CITY --
It is arguably the most visible undeveloped parcel of real estate in Rapid City. And it's for sale.

Nine Liens Partnership, a Rapid City company, announced it will auction its 370-acre parcel of land that straddles Cowboy Hill, also known as M Hill, on Oct. 18.The ridge runs from Rapid Creek near the former Federal Beef packing plant to Interstate 90. It looms over downtown Rapid City and much of West Rapid. In fact, Cowboy Hill and its neighbor, Skyline Drive Hill, form a ridgeline that divides Rapid City down the middle. For years, locals have referred to the lowland between them as the Gap.Of the two hills, Cowboy Hill is by far the least-developed.

There's a television transmission tower on top and a giant white "M" adorns its east face.

Otherwise, it's a mix of grass, pine trees and rocky ridges.

Cowboy Hill has been in the Lien family for 50 years, according to Stephanie Lien. Her real-estate company, VIP Properties, has joined auctioneer Martin Jurisch & Associates to market and sell the real estate. In addition, she's one of the Nine Liens.

The partnership is owned by the nine sons and daughters of Chuck Lien, co-founder and chairman of Pete Lien & Sons, the Rapid City minerals and building materials company.

Nine Liens Partnership has been involved in a number of business ventures over the years.

Stephanie Lien said the Cowboy Hill parcel was a gift from their father several years ago. Now, the Nine Liens want to return the favor, she said.

Chuck Lien and his children are buying out Bruce Lien's half of Pete Lien & Sons. Bruce and Chuck are brothers, and over the years, each has owned exactly half of the company. In the past six years, however, the brothers have struggled - in court and out of court - to end the partnership.

Stephanie Lien said proceeds from the sale will be used to help reduce Pete Lien & Sons' debt load associated with the buyout.

The auction, set for 10 a.m. on Oct. 18 at Rushmore Plaza Civic Center, will be done in an unusual fashion.

Buyers first will be given a chance to bid on nine smaller tracts ranging from 3 acres to 75 acres. Then, the same land will be offered divided into five larger tracts from 40 to 90 acres.

Finally, Jurisch will offer the entire 370 acres in a single parcel.At the end, the combination of bids that brings the best price will be accepted.She said it's an opportunity to give a variety of buyers a chance to come to the table.

The land, in the heart of the city, offers sweeping views of Rapid City and the Black Hills. The northern end of the hill abuts both residential and commercial property.What will Cowboy Hill become?

A few years ago, the Nine Liens Partnership hired Randy Fisher, an engineer with Designworks in Rapid City, to conduct land use research. His proposal included a mix of commercial and multi-density residential uses, including some clusters of homes and some single-family home sites on 3-acre lots.

"There are really a variety of different applications, from residential to recreational to commercial," she said.

The big white M, by the way, is on a separate parcel of land owned by South Dakota School of Mines & Technology Foundation. It isn't part of the sale.Meanwhile, land around Cowboy Hill property has been the focus of recent and future development.Currently, a development group headed by Pat Tlustos and Mike Tennyson are transforming the 20-acre Federal Beef property on the southeast corner of the hill into an office park named the Village at Founders Park.

Also, Century Development of Rapid City has plans to build a 96-unit condominium complex and other residential home sites on its 49 acres north of the Executive Golf Course.Lien said the decision by Nine Liens Partnership to sell Cowboy Hill was not an attempt to join the development boom in the neighborhood. In fact, she said, the land would probably have more strategic value if the Nine Liens held it until after those projects proceed.

"It was an independent decision, really, based on an attempt by us to help ease the burden of the debt load for Pete Lien & Sons right now," she said.

*****

Mr. Green Jean and his Lawn Service Can Shove it

2006-08-23T09:39:00.000-06:00

You would think, in times of chaos, you would take care of the surface things so that people wouldn't think you've entirely lost your shit.

But when I get slammed with work/life/12 huskies/whatever...I tend to the most important thing and leave the other stuff for later.

(some of that other stuff being my lawn).

I haven't done well this year with landscaping. I planted about 9 new bushes, and put up a few flowers here and there. Then it dried out for about 2 weeks (we’re talking 105+ degree heat) and to much effort in watering and very rare spouts of rain, everything turned brown and died, save all of the shrubbery on the east side of my house, because - I'm guessing – there's some secret growing compound in air conditioner freon - or some nice cool shade really does do the trick.

Now, I'll admit... with taking care of so many babies, I didn't always have the time to put forth on making sure some bushes lived through a drought. In fact, I'm pretty sure my negligence to my backyard will actually payoff, in that all of the natural canine fertilizer deposits over the last few months had to have some impact on the growing process.

But I do have to commend mothers that work full time, then come home, clean, mow the lawn, cook dinner, put kids to bed, etc. etc., yet still make their home look beautiful and make that job look like a big fat piece of cake (mmm... chocolate cake...).

Anyway...
It isn't easy. And this isn't an editorial on women's lib or how we should be paid as full-time moms because it is just as much work (if not more) than an 8-5er down in the city.

No, this is mostly a message to all of the lawn catering services out there (threw ya' for a loop there, didn't I?). Because every time I'm tending to all of these other 'mom-like' things - I don't really have time to stop for an hour and mow my front lawn – nor do I have the patience for some drive-by service to judge me on my bad lawn habits

I live in a 'quaint' neighborhood on the southeast side of town. I don't have the funds to install some $1000 sprinkler system to do it all for me and keep everything green. I don't have the cash to pay some lawn service $50+ bucks a week to come make sure everything looks 'pretty' on the outside, while my real life isn't so pretty on the in.

Yes, the surface is crap, but if you check all the important things, shit is taken care of!

So instead of leaving me eight fliers a week in my mailbox about how great and efficient and detailed you are about tiding up my lawn, and making it look gorgeous for an albeit "small" fee - why don’t you substitute that service for cleaning my house, feeding my pets, grocery shopping, getting an oil change, cleaning my car, organizing my closets/garage, then giving me a massage every night – because then I would have time to FUCKING MOW MY LAWN!

long time...

2006-08-22T22:17:00.000-06:00

it seems the writing gets fewer and fewer - which is actually really sad, considering it tends to serve as a great outlet.

i think the multitude of what i would write about now all include:
1. location, location, location.
2. relation, relation, relation(ship)
3. every other category...

i find the less i talk about it... the more clarity i get. so maybe i'll just keep it to myself and then write some small novela on all the goings on of the last 6 months in a few years or so.

i really am in a mood to just move around for a bit...maybe even take that european trip i've been talking about taking for, oh... 5 years or so.

but since i'm not really contributing to the gossip mill, i did have a little bird (us weekly, mtv and more) tell me that Cheyenne Kimball got punched in the face.

and the puncher was none-other than our good friend Joe's wife. Hee hee hee.
Team Michelle! i'm not so sure she didn't deserve some good sense knocked into that vacant blonde head of hers...

*****
Cheyenne Kimball Punched In The Face By Her Bassist's WifePosted on Friday, August 18 @ 06:39:36 CDT by MusicMan A source tells Us Weekly during her MTV reality show's wrap party on August 4th, Cheyenne Kimball was punched in the face by bassist Joey Clemente's wife Michelle, who was upset about Cheyenne and Joey talking to each other at Guy's in Hollywood. "She didn't like the interaction, so she punched Cheyenne in the face," the source revealed. "Cheyenne and Joey are friends, nothing more. The poor girl got assaulted at her own party!" Kimball's mother Shannon then had the woman thrown out of the event, where she was later seen crying outside the hotspot. The 16-year-old's rep told Us, "Cheyenne was caught in an unfortunate situation. She harbors no ill will." ****

She had a bad day.... but nothin's gonna stop her anywaaaay.

Strange M.O.

2006-06-29T18:50:00.000-06:00

Why are some people just born with the knowledge of those ONE or TWO Things they're extremely passionate about in life.

You have the Rachel Raes.... Emeril Lagassi's... Martha Stewarts.

"Hey I know, I want to be the most powerful black woman in all the land."

I don't know about drive and motivation to succeed, but these people somehow knew they were destined to be great in what they love from day one.

And i have that motivation.... and i will succeed, but i have no bloody idea in what.
WHy can't I have some sort of idea of what I want to really pour my life's work into?

No, when I was 7, I didn't imagine working in Marketing... compiling spreadsheet after god damn spreadsheet of information that a million other people that really love their jobs can use...

I am a computer master. I know the ins and outs... I'm fast, I'm smart... But just because I"m good at it doesn't mean I like it.

And so I'm left loving my life, but not loving the way I support it, and when I look at all of the elder people around me in my job and see how they treat their jobs (In just at 8, and flying out of the drive way at 5), it makes me sad because they'll continue in that pattern just doing what they do and not ever enjoying it.

I don't want to be one of those people....

I'm dying to fix as I enter into the second half of my twenties.
I just need some decidedness and followthrough... Help.

There she is...

2006-06-15T13:39:00.000-06:00

I"m taking a moment to update this sucker since i can't really cruise over here for short spurts of time during work to update this deal.

I finally have enough to do.

Yessssssssssssssssssssssss.

Plus, who really wanted to look at dead bodies right at the top there anymore?
not i, said the cat.

You know that second amidst tragedy where everything seems clear, no matter how dramatic it seems - and you can finally express every mood; ever word; everthing you couldn't express before?

Sure you do, because this moment is only periodic... and when it's so refreshing to have such a clarifying moment, then it is pulled out of your grasp just moments after you've settled deep into it's warm spot - you have remnants of this feeling.

It's overwhelming.
It's genuine.
It helps you make decisions.
And it's not really sad... but it's a little looming... and can cause terminal time spans of... numbness.

I've been stuck in this "moment" for about a week now... more teetering on the edge of it---

No...That's not right.

More, like this particular moment is a giant swamp of mud and my right foot is deeply implanted . Feels kind of good -Kind of gross.

I think anything luke-warm and squishy would do that to you.

But for all of you who wish you could hang out a little longer when you do experience this very glimmer of hope - i'm here to tell you that over-staying your welcome isn't exactly the cat's pajamas...

Other than that... i've been reading a lot.
of books.
mostly because i haven't been able to use my writing outlet... and I think, just like good chocolate - i've been in dire need of some good expression.

Inspiration.

Just some sort of driving force, because i really feel like crawling into the passenger seat and letting someone else take over for awhile.

Until a better day...

Body Worlds (follow up)

2006-05-31T10:32:00.000-06:00

I went.

I saw.

I walked around with my hand over my mouth in complete awed wonder.

Note to people thinking about going to this:
Do NOT wear high heels.

Yowch.

And this is old news, but ooooh. my... gawsh!

Moving on...

Try packing yourself into this exhibit with about 400+ people all at once.
I'm actually really glad I went alone, because I could weave in and out of each display fairly quicky and easily.

It doesn't really register when you're looking at the complete forms that this was once a living being. It's such a science project, and with the skin completely removed (i know... it sounds sick!), it looks more like some science construction.

Or, as it were... think back to 9th grade Biology when you discected a frog.

If you can handle that... you can definately handle this.

They had individual organs (contained in a glass case -- liver, pancreas), blood vessels (sealed in position in water-logged, glass containers) and entire body constructs that were completely touchable.

Each posed body showed off different things... a skateboarder, dancer, yoga... some guy stretching (fully relaxed) in the morning.... body splices (seperated into 8+ parts), and more body splices (of the entier system... blood and all... that I thot was behind a case, but was hanging freely just in front of me. oish!)

It’s so surreal that you don’t get scared, but on a few body splices (one in particular of a man seperated into about 10 parts), the doctors/creators left the skin on two of the pieces, so you could see what the man looked like before he was donated for plastination.

Exhibits where the hair and eyelashes were still intact were strange, but
The only really disturbing thing was when the skin/face/hair was left on the body... because then the exhibit's main foundation became reality... and you realized that this used to be a living, breathing, human being.

Hidden off toward the end was a woman who died at five months pregnant. Her kidney was removed to show the fetus still inside of her… when you went around to her back side, you could see her blackened lung (Odd how you can develop anger to someone that is no longer alive for having such disregard for a teeny little thing...but maybe she was a smoker before she had the baby and quit during pregnancy…there was no summary of how she passed).

In this area, there was also glass jars and wires displaying fetuses from 4 weeks all the way to 29 weeks. I would really like the imput of someone who is pro-abortion and has seen this display, because it's pretty apparent that this could easily change a persons stand on the issue...

Probably the most impressive was a display called "Body Exploded."
Just as in art, it is all in the presentation/placement -- and this particular one screamed creativity.

Imagine a grill plate with... jeez.... probably 2000+ (no exageration) different strings hung from the highly placed piece of steel.

Sort of puppet like... Except here, we have each organ/muscle/bone hanging individually from each string.

This display was "Exploded" in that each piece of this human body was placed in it's appropriate place, but spread out massively (so a body that only took up 5'9", 150 lbs stretched into a 15 ft x 6 ft box).

Amazing.

I was so taken back by how this had to have been put together... hung so carefully... it had to have been on par with the worlds most impossible puzzle.

If you have a weekend free sometime before the end of july - go see it. IF not, travel somewhere to see it... if still not... then go to Body Worlds three... Hopefully, they'll have some more 'lecture' style displays...

There was a guy at the end who was instructing me on the plastination proccess, as well as another teaching me about pace makers.

I felt way more involved... and learned a lot more... but maybe that's just my own personal learning style... I'd love if they had more of that in the exhibit :-)

Here are some more photos :

Smokers lungs vs. Healthy Lungs (STOP F'ING SMOKING PEOPLE!)

The nervous system

this is a 20-week old fetus.

Didn't want to offend anyone that may be sensitive - so if you want to look -go for it.

How many miles does it take?!

2006-05-30T16:46:00.000-06:00

I've gone back and forth from Denver more times in my lifetime than i'll ever like to count. And all of you that have done this trip know there are about a million different routes in the middle.
I change it up inevitably each trip based on my mood... but usually end up with my gut instinct on:

a. which ruote is shortest in milage
b. which route will allow me to speed and avoid cops :-)

Last year, someone presented me with "The Guernsey Shortcut" -- Supposedly it shaves 15 - 20 minutes off of your 6 hour trip - which doesn't make sense to me at all... because while the route is more scenic and 'cuts across' the L that goes from Mule Creek Junction to Lusk from I-25 (this exit is only about 20 miles past the exit to Guernsey - the "shortcut" is 40 miles, and still takes about 25 miles to get over to Guernsey from the interstate... what?!)

I always thot it seemed fishy - and didn't really buy it...

And now that I've got a streets and maps trip planner here -- I wanted to give all of you who have some desire to know this the skinny --

Here's the Run-Down (and all of you have told me about this are sadly mistaken, and wasting driving time *and gas money*) :

Rapid -> Lusk -> Mule Creek -> Denver:
Distance: 406.7 miles Trip duration: 6 hours, 27 minutes

Rapid -> Lusk -> Guernsey "Shortcut" -> Denver:
Driving distance: 415.2 miles Trip duration: 6 hours, 49 minutes

Rapid ->Lusk -> Torrington -> Denver:
Driving distance: 388.0 miles Trip duration: 6 hours, 39 minutes

Rapid -> Newcastle, Lusk - Mule Creek -> Denver:
Driving distance: 420.1 miles Trip duration: 6 hours, 47 minutes

Rapid -> Newcastle -> Lusk -> Torrington ->Denver:
Driving distance: 401.4 miles Trip duration: 6 hours, 58 minutes

Rapid -> Scottsbluff, NE --> Denver:
Driving distance: 402.5 miles Trip duration: 6 hours, 42 minutes

Hmm... Wierd. Going through Guernsey is your worst possible bet. Sucks for all of you!
Fly through Hot springs and Torrington.. Suck up slowing down in the small cities... It said the duration of the trip is longer, but because it's on country roads, you can speed a little bit, cut 20 miles, and make it to D-Town anywhere between 5 hours - 5 hours and fifteen minutes.

PEACHY, eh!?

Eh!

**Ad0n** --- If anyone is taking any summer road trips and wants help planning their shortest carride, lemmieknow!

hooray for boobies

2006-05-30T12:03:00.000-06:00

everytime i go to denver, i get too wrapped up in current events to have the self-dicipline to leave at a reasonable hour, leaving me enough time when I get home to unpack, clean, and settle on in with a good night's rest.

everytime i do this.

and everytime i come home, i dread pulling into my driveway at 3am or later... only to wake up at 7:30am with no voice, no sunshinee attitude, and no willingness to straighten up my home, clean up cat puke or mop/vacuum, clean the damn cat box.

i know i'm just grouchy and need some rest... but it's easier for me to rest when everything is in it's place and clean, and set up the way I like it.

So rather than go home and crash immediately tonight, I"m probably going to be completely absurd and go on a cleaning binge... finishing around 8 --- oh! enough time to go visit my favorite little chubby buddy, friends and take a little ride on my scooty boot.

then still go to bed too late.

i guess it's time i hire a house boy.
i.e. he needs to clean, wash my sheets, clean up animal shit, do my dishes, fold my clothes, place them in color order in my closet... make my bed, wash my floors, kitchen...etc.

oh yeah. i think i need to repaint my kitchen.
i had someone tea stain it and i'm... not a fan. it looks like someone just put dirt all over the walls.

so while i appreciate the suggestion... i don't appreciate how it looks.
i'm thinking of perhaps going sagee green.
$U#)$(*@)#(*#@(#!#*$@#(#.

yeah.
i said it.

oi

2006-05-26T10:22:00.000-06:00

rouuuuuuuuugh day at work yesterday.

and something that would probably be more interesting to read about than anything else i could write right now, but out of respect, i'll only say...

quiet today.
everyone's sad.
hardest place i've ever worked... but with toughness comes greatness...right?

Most importantly, everyone has those people that you meet and instantly love. Outside of my family, I don't have very many of them.

It's not the "i want to do you" or "i can't live without you..." kind of love - just the "genuine, no question whatsoever, because your head, heart and gut all say that this is a good person and you'd be absolutely moronic not to have them in your life" love, no matter what the duration or circumstance of who/what they are.

My entire being goes into "i would jump in front of a damn bus for you!" mode because just their prescence makes me feel considerably brighter.

i just found out this morning that one of my most favorite people that represents the very definition of the above, is being moved back over to where he used to until he can come back to this company (in awhile... i'm hoping sooner than later).

SAD!
so glad he still has his job - but i'm very sad to not be able to see him every day ;-(

anyway -
i'm going to denver for the weekend. yahoo!!
lots of sleeping... movies... laying around... and, well... you know!

:-)

i think my step dad is putting sirius radio in my car today so I have somethin to listen to. hachacha. He's the best guy.

I'm continually reminded of how great he is every day --- and how funny.

Today I drove by a suburban.

The ONLY suburban I've ever seen that has been decked to the nines in zebra stripes.
It belongs to a car place on 5th street that rents the vehicle out ever so often...

and when I saw it, I was reminded that on their Wedding my Step Dad had rented it out for his Wedding day - so the girls could have the pimp limo, and He, my brother Jake and his son Brandon could tux around in the sweet suburban.

Toooooo funny.

I only hope I get so lucky as my mom did.
though, she's pretty hot shit... so if i were my step dad, i would probably be that awesome to stay in her graces.

oh, what a debacle

2006-05-25T09:21:00.000-06:00

I was just sitting here wondering which of two things I should ingest:

1. a bag of hot tomales that i bought yesterday and left in my car overnight...
2. all of my daily vitamins.

Now this is a lot, considering vitamin intake:
a multi -2
milk thistle -2
ginseng -2
bc -1
flaxseed oil -2
some supplement i have to take for my adrenal glands -2

plus there's the shot of aloe vera in the morning, and the ibuprofin (2) i've had to taken because of some disc out in my back that is giving me a raging headache...

So you have 2, 4, 6, 7, 9, 11, 13 pills + some gooey shit (which is actually really awesome).

I figured I"d go for the good-for-you drugs, rather than the little red cinnamon -coated sugar that is "ooooooh-so-good" variety (although i'll probably snack on those this afternoon).

unfortunately, for all of you other pill poppers out there, you're well aware that stuff like this makes you pretty sick to your stomach... even if you're taking them all on a stomach full of food.

blickity-blickenstein.

I should have been born with red Hair.

2006-05-25T00:00:00.000-06:00

I am:
a huge flirt
a terrible karoke singer
extremely loud
sexual blundt
very outspoken
a firey, snotty little brat.

i got pulled over tonight by a cop because i didn't have liscence ('m never going to know how to spell that damn word) plates on my scooter.

"It's 49cc. you don't need them"

"Well what are you going to do if you crash into my $40,000 truck?!"

"Pay for it with money..."

"I'm going to SUE YOU! So you need to be quiet because i'm just trying to help you."

"I'm listening. I just did all my research, and i KNOW that you don't need a license. It just needs to be registered and it is!"

I stood with my hands on my hips for about 10 minutes, then climbed back no my scooter and rested my chin in my left hand, acting like my time was being extremely wasted (it was).

I was asked back into the car and given a 'warning' that basically said nothing except for "please make sure you call to have this insured."

ok. no one told me i had to do that. do you really think if i barrell into someone's "$40,000" truck with my scooter, it's going to be because of me?!

Um no, it's probably because you weren't paying attention and knocked me off my teeny, tiny little scooter... and then who will be sueing who?

No one. because i don't believe in sueing. But your ass better bring me a wholes' lotta damn FLOWERS WHEN I"M IN THE HOSPITAL!!!!!

I know most of you will understand...

2006-05-24T09:06:00.000-06:00

Best of Craigslist rocks.
John and i have made it habitual to jet on over once in awhile to waste an hour or two.

I stumbled upon the following and decided this guy would be one of my closest companions, if ever I chose to live in Washington D.C (which is pretty unlikely)...

--------------------------

“So, what do you do?”

Sweet Jesus, I hate this question; it infests DC like no other place I’ve lived. I get asked it every time I meet people, be they at or bar, friends of friends, spontaneous conversations in Safeway—hell, ragged old ladies sometimes accost me walking down the street, just to find out what I do.

My job lacks the excitement or concise definition of most vocations, so I normally just lie about it.

“So, what do you do?” the homeless guy outside the Rosslyn Metro asks me.

“Why…I…am…Assistant…Director…of…Resource…Management…of…Poultry,” I reply.

“Wait a second—why did you pause so much? Are you just making this up?” the homeless guy menacingly intones.

“Of…course…not…I…was…just…building…suspense,” I say, before throwing down my Vitamin Water and bagel and running away in shame.

The fact of the matter is, I’m very unsure of what my job actually IS.

I work at an office and do a little bit of this (Solitaire) and a little bit of that (Spider Solitaire), but nothing that can be encapsulated in one or two words, like “Fireman” or “Bikini Inspector”. For me, everyday is an aggregate of small, insignificant tasks, designed solely for the purpose of making it to 5 PM.

Play a game of Solitaire, 10 minutes.
Knock out a Sudoku, 10 more minutes.
Brew and drink coffee—oh, I can stretch that for at least a quarter hour.

Trouble is, by 11 AM each day I’m normally wired on caffeine and exhausted of brief computer games, so I’m always desperately in need of Big Timekilling Activities.

I’ve developed elaborate BTA’s involving round robin tournaments of office games, games that normally include Styrofoam cups, uneaten yogurt tins, and a three-hole punch, but those normally end quickly in tragedy:

“Good God, this coffee tastes terrible! And what’s this gooey purple stuff on my papers?” my boss inevitably asks. I tend to look away and make a cryptic comment about the last intern being “Very, very strange. And possibly retarded.”

So as you can see, the collective nincompoopery of my officemates puts the kibosh on office game BTA’s, so I have to turn to tasks more individual in nature.

The other day, for instance, I decided that there was no good reason not to make a paper clip necklace.

I took the precaution of borrowing the receptionist’s paper clips, because there was no way in hell those puppies were going to survive, and I didn’t want to be accused of wasting office supplies. I finished in about 10 minutes, put on the necklace and snuck into the restroom to check myself out.

“Hmm, good, but not that good,” I said aloud, admiring my handiwork in the bathroom mirror. “I really can make it bigger.”

“It’s not the size of the boat, just the motion in the ocean,” the middle-aged man from across the hall said as he exited the bathroom stall.

“You’ll be fine, son.”

“No, I wasn’t talking about that, I was talking about…” I began, before realizing that I had two options here: admit that I was just looking at a paper clip necklace I made for myself, or fess up to a complete stranger about feelings of penile inadequacy. Tough call, but the choice was clear.

“Thanks, I’m sure women will like me just the way I am,” I answered with a nod. I think I made the right decision—because in the end, I had a whole day in front of me, a cup full of paper clips, and, by God, I was GOING to make it bigger.

Follow the Bouncing Ball...

2006-05-24T09:01:00.000-06:00

i put a band-aid on my finger
because i just sliced it open while cutting an avacado.
the band aid is too tight.
thus, my finger is purple.

but my whole point is...

guacamole is awesome.
i am without chips.
so bring some over.
so we can eat the entire bowl!