Well... Solved that Problem

The older I get, the more I realize that as different as we all are, we pretty much all experience the same time-tested hang-ups and situations in regaurds to personal relationships:

I'm still testing the waters to see which ones I'm still missing, and which one will work most idealy for me.

But so far, I have it pegged down to:

1. The relationship full of turmoil.

2.The lustful pining (i.e. (s)he's dating/fucking more people than just me...)

3.The "shmoop-factor, hang around and make everyone throw up because you're so cute" relationship.

4.The "this is fun, but you'd be a better best friend" trial period.

5. And then you have the "this is it. i saw them and just knew they were it" individual.

Now, the last one is beautiful because the person that has been gifted this spot will always and forever (even tho they're probably not the one) do no wrong in your eyes. Even though they'll pull the same sneaky stuff as the other people, you tend to miss it, put up with it, etc. etc. etc. because your heart, gut and head told you this person was good shit.

It is not beautiful in that when you feel this for someone, they usually do not recipricate those feelings, as they are directing those feelings toward another individual.

In the rare occurance that you have a "Notebook" romance, you usually turn into couple number "3" (see above) without the disgusting part, and then you're just lucky.

The sad thing, now, is that I had that individual until last weekend.

Add some liquor, some bitter/hurt feelings of being shufted aside for five/six months and a boost of confidence from one of your best friends to make a phone call... and you're going to rock the boat.

I didn't really say anything unwarranted on the phone, but after a retarded e-mail reply from the above person just moments after I called him (i'm sorry, but you've sent me WAY too many of these)... I had some time to stew some more, get a little more angry, and throw some really mean words back to his e-mail account.

So now, instead of feeling angry, I just feel embarassed and regretful and I'm pretty sure he could care less.

And I just wanted to take this time to reflect on that, because despite my angry words, I really am fragrantly disapointed.

I also wanted to let that person know that you did have that spot in regaurds to my perspective... and maybe if you knew that, you'd know you're not half as bad as you beat yourself down to be... because I didnt' just pull my opinion from nowhere.

Thanks for giving me hope that one day, maybe i'm going to deserve better than what i've been putting myself through for the last five years.

But I guess it's time for me to find a new one...