puffy-eye syndrome.

it's really a travesty when one forgets ones things upon returning home from a trip. unfortunately for me, this is something that is inevitable every time i travel... no matter how careful i am.

this time...it was my little red leather make-up case, complete with new clinique mascara and blush/eyeshadows, tweezers, and most importantly...my retainer. lord love the retainer... albeit dorky - i basically look like a football player, but my jaw screams ode to joy when it gets to snuggle my teeth on in to that puppy every night while i sleep. keeps my pallette hydrated (as in... i don't sleep with my mouth wide open and wake up with cottonmouth) and even keeps me from saying incriminating things in my sleep.

for example:

"I hate when this happens! I have to have a barbie doll!!"

Who would you rather sleep next to? Quiet, semi-dorky looking when-she-sleeps Sami...or insult-you-while-she doesn't-know-it-and-perhaps-snoring-in-your-ear Sami? I think you know the answer (although, i don't really snore).

So yeah... my make-up isn't here, so i have had to be creative with what i found in expired make-up cases under my sink...some old-school mascara that really doesn't do anything... bronzer for blush and... some kind of purple eyeshadow thing, which soon got changed to pink...so really, my eyes look like a big bruise.

that's hot.

All of the crying last nite didn't really help too much... my eyes are about... 30% more closed together than usual because of eye-lid bloat, and i've had to rock some undereye cream to try and make the puffiness go down (i think you need to do this for about three weeks to see results).

I'm thinking today should be reserved for a spa day:

-massage
-fluffy white robes
-clay masks
-and-
-cucumbers on the eyes.

And... maybe a bloody mary as well, because as i've concluded...an extreme bawlfest, like mine last nite, is equally condusive to drinking 10 or so shots of vodka and not sucking down water to cover your ass the next morning. i feel severely hung over.

blah

i didn't buy a couch.
though, i pined for this one:


rather...i think i scared my neighbors with my horrificly loud weep-fest.
when i said i was a six-year-old, i meant it... and when you're six, there aren't too many marbles in that big bowl of life. when one shatters, you get broken pretty easily.

i'm sure i'll wake up all sunshine-ee tomorrow. or, atleast pretending to be.

oh yeah... blondieness:


time for... panda watch.

hi

back in colorado. had a big fat check in the mail, a nice divergence away from all of the usual bills. freaked when i saw my kitty (not that kitty). am at work and chillin with the new pooch, Hershey... an 11-week-old chocolate laboradore with green eyes. She's a good kid. I'm officially "Auntie Sam." and... the baby makes three... and a little boy yellow laborador puppy just showed up here at work. He's all wiggly.

i was driving home yesterday and had a ton of time to think. lots and lots of time. actually, it was funny that every cd i played had a different conotation to history in my life.

you know.. fuck that whole attempt to stay friends with exes... let alone be best friends with them. no one else does it, why should i? i've gone out of my way to be forgiving and let by gones be by gones.. but three years later, and it's still a perpetual habbit? I don't think i'm really obligated to oblige that generous offer anymore.

me thinks it is wise to keep people around only if there is not an entire cd that prompts their memory, causing you to cry everytime you listen.

trying to figure out my new years plans... i thot about going out, but maybe sitting at home, watching movies and the infamous ball drop at midnight wouldn't be so bad... ;)

when i was growing up, my aunt Julie always gave Oakley, Emily and I all $10 to spend on candy for new years eve. You can imagine how grand that is at the age 11.

When i was 15, she was in the hospital with Lukemia, so i brought her $10 worth of candy, and she went down to the childrens floor and distributed. she's a sweetheart.

forgot to mention i'm sort of a blondie now! fun stuff. i'll have to get a picture up here soon.

i'm car shopping, as well.. i'm thinking a new nissan altima 3.5SE... all black... HOT! the smoke is cool, too. i may have to wait awhile until i can better afford the monthly payments (stupid money).

I am, however, thinking i'm going to invest in a couch. so i'm going couch shopping tonight. apparently, all things starting in 'c' --- cookies, cars, couches, clothing... what else starts with c...?

Merry Christmas

The word of the day is: EXPLODE

Ever think about how funny that word is? Explode. Say it.
I didn't realize how funny it was until i tried to successfully transfer my two cats from my CO home to my SD home with me in the car today.

Holiday did great. Maynard, on the other hand... seems to have a ginormous fear of automobiles. I was driving downtown to pick up some presents and i hear a loud bang in the backseat... I turn around and see that maynard's butt has exploded all over the passenger seat floormat... leaving way too many traces of debri all over my backseat, as well. sweet. he threw up too... then proceeded to hang over the back seat with a spittily puke beard... then every once in awhile, would stare out the back window at random cars, point his tongue and do this weird panting thing.

So i drove them home... really sad. Because it meant they had to spend christmas alone, even after the trouble of getting in the car. i made them both cry and upset. i felt horrible. I went and got a towel and carried maynard inside, then left for the grocery store for some food and litter.

It was a bad day. Just one of those occasions where it seems like everyone is out to fuckin' piss you off. All the cars on the road either drove five miles an hour, cut me off, or for whatever reason felt the need to be insanely obnoxious in whichever way the possibly fucking could.

At the grocery store, I had to wait in line for about 20 minutes while this rather large woman stood in front of her self check-out register and waited for an attended to bring her a zip-locked bag of ham. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

When i got home, my temper exploded and a tantrum insued. I didn't notice that my door was still wide open when i was screaming profanities at the top of my lungs, nor did i seem to have any consideration for the really chatty gladys kravitz neighbors below me, because i was stomping and throwing heavy things. Mature, i know. Sure i made quite the impression.

Something else happened on my drive back that inevitably made me burst into tears... and made me angry at myself, mostly. but whatever. fuck that.

Just not my favorite day. But... Christmas is in three, i'm at home and my mom ordered Boomerang on Direct TV, plus i have a fresh copy of Napoleon Dynamite for the next week. so really, things are looking up.

I"m about to crash in, argueably, the most comfortable bed on earth, so there ya go. let the christmas weight gain begin.
-----------------------------------
my severe want, but am a long way from getting it list:
1. a new car... i'm thinkin maybe a jeep grand cherokee, forest green... sunroof, sweet sound system, no leather seats (too cold).
2. an apple computer... mac laptop would be cool too.
3. an ipod.
4. my groceries/bills paid for a year.
5. a new phone
6. really soft flannel sheets
7. a spa day... or 5 (included with facial, mud bath, massage, etc. etc. etc.) after which i would take an enormous nap in my new sheets.
8. a moped
9. a sweet loft apartment
10. a suck-you-into-its-comfort couch.

that'll be good. oh... and maybe a "make me a smitten kitten" gentleman caller type that's polite, handsome, has great hands and hair, unique style, sparkling eyes, good taste in music, really tall, really funny and apt to be nice to me for an extended amount of time... all while being my best friend and never getting sick of me.

this would be prime.

Something Imperative you must know...

Santa Claus is on Instant messenger. You can tell him all your hopes/dreams/wishes.
IM him at: SantaClaus. and if you can't get it to work... then you must have been naughty this year. p.s. napoleon dynomite hits stores today.

Rock your sox off...

I was working on scarf three of six tonight when my phone rings. i knew before i checked the caller id that it was my boss... mostly because he callls me atleast once a day to ask me a question about work or whatever. kinda funny actually. But today... at around 8:30pm... he called to tell me to not worry about coming into work tomorrow or wed and to just take the rest of the week off.. he'll see me next wednesday. sa-weeet! he officially kicks ass. plus scott (the right hand guy... adore him) is getting a chocolate lab puppy (11weeksold)... actually.. i think he got her tonite, so i'll get to play with puppy all day at work when i get back. WAHOOO! i love my job. i love the people there. i am such a lucky girl!

So i finished up the scarf... my laundry, just packed, and i'm about to hit up either my bed, or the shower so that i can just get up and go tomorrow. i'm all super excited now... especially since my family still isn't expecting me until late wednesday evening, so me showing up around 6-7pm is going to be a fun suprise.

plus two more suprises...

because i just can't leave my kitties alone for over a week at christmas... so they're coming with me. i know it sounds eccentric, but they're family... i feel like they need to be around on a holiday. I think Maynard and Holiday will agree.

I'm hoping to do some ice skatin' on the pond up at the man cabin with hayden and joe... complete with bon fire, as well. so very greeting card. soooo very fun. my cousin/brotha erik is on leave from the marines before he goes back to africa or iraq in january... haven't seen him since june. and while i have all of my presents taken care of, i still have to wrap them all, which is just a boatload of fun.

But back to the scarf thing... Had me thinking... because when you are focusing on such a brainless thing... your mind tends to wander. But... i am curious as to why all of these musical artist chics are all coming out with fragrances?

Examples:

Celine Dion's Notes

J-Lo's glow:


Britney Spears' Curious


Jessica Simpson's line of body fragrance stuff... (that tastes like yumness)


which by the way, reminds me... that i really want that karma sutra body dust/powder stuff for xmas. yuuuummmmm!

back on topic.

Why do these girls feel compelled to push a line of fragrance? i mean.. everyone smells different... and what smells good on them won't neccessarily smell good on someone else... IT'S ALL CHEMISTRY!!!!

not like i really care. after all, i have no sense of smell.. but still... Is it the modeling opportunity? A snooty way to say... "I am SOOO rich and famous, i can make my own custom perfume that you should buy and find out reaks horrendous." ??? Or... is it so they have a shot at creating a new theme song that is synonamous with the product (think Celine Dion on that stupid sky swing... where does that latch into anyway???)???

Just something to think about...

i'm off for south dakota... meaning legos for christmas, tracking santa online with my stepdad, and reallly reallly delicious food. hoooray!

i'll check in momentarily. ya'all have a good one!

Guides to Picking up the Opposite Sex

Ok. So i've been at work for about three hours now, walked next door to do some studio stuff and have already been whistled at 2-4 times now by passing cars. I'm wondering what the objective of a man yelling "Woohoo" out the window of his car speeding by at 45 mph really accomplishes?

Shortly after moving all of my ownings into my apartment back in July, my mom, aunt and I took a dinner break to get away from the bitch-pieces. On the way out of the parking lot, some hot guys yelled "Oowww OWW!" and mentioned they were from South Dakota. I told my mom to go back... my aunt promptly came back with, "No...now do you really think it's all that wise to go after a guy, let alone try to start dating him after he yells OWW OWW from his porch?"

Good point. haha

Also... while out near the Highlands on Saturday Night with Jonny (sad.. he left today for Philly)... some gross guy came over to talk to me, and kept pointing at my crotch. I moved back... he moved in closer. I stepped back again. He moved closer again...kept muttering some totally, unrecognizable speech and pointing down at my crotch.

I shoved my hand in his face...note the ring on the ring finger.

He thought this was some kind of loving gesture, so he grabbed my hand and rubbed it against his face.

I said, "No. I'm engaged."

He muttered some compliments, then walked away, and to another girl. It was closing time. Guess it's that "late-night booty rush," because before he walked over to me, i saw him point directly at me then whisper something crass to his friend. That wasn't obvious at all! lame.

I'm not engaged, either. But amen for diamond rings on the left-hand ring finger.

Elvishness.

Ahhh...Christmas. The wonderful time of year for those of use who are no longer 12 and under are left to our own demise to create and purchase presents for those we love... all the while stressing about getting it all done at once.

I tend to get a bit crafty... i.e. i turn into a teeny, tiny 60-year-old woman and crochet scarves for my peeps. last year, i finally learned why all of those elderly women had curved backs... because they're knitting fucking scarves/blankets/sweaters for their family. for the love of god... buy her a chiropractic plan for the holidays...

but what i did have fun with making today was this...

TRUFFLES!

the real deal, kick ass, best tasting truffles/chocolate you'll ever have cross your lips in this lifetime. Pretty easy to make... and messy, which means they'll be delish. The cooking part is really fast and requires little brain power.. .it's the whole rolling proccess that's time consuming:

Step 1:
Setting out all the shtuff you need: an arial view of the sprinkles, my tree plant, remote, blender, and... ziploc tuperware. WAOOHOO!:


Step 2:

Arrow 1 = Truffle Mix
Arrow 2 = Powdered sugar because it's sticky (sort of like the flour and cookie phenomenon)
Arrow 3: The finished project (you'll probably have to squint)

Step 3:

The whole, messy ordeal. generally, the handwashing comes with rolling every four truffles or so. I think i made around 100 today.

Interesting. I've turned into Julia Child. And... an incredibly boring person.

Pop Culture Shift:

I've been rockin the Songs for Jane CD for about two years now... and upon seeing some live tv appearances by the boys in M5, i've noticed Ryan has gone missing. Not sure where he is?

Here's my theory.
Anyone caught even a glimpse of this season's Real World: Philidelphia?
Let's compare...
ok... we can't because i can't find a non-flash photo of WILLIE from the Real World, but they look ironically similar.

Tho... Ryan is just the most strikingly beautiful man i've ever seen up close... has really sweet manners and disposition as well. rawr! me gusta.

on another note... the further this ashlee simpson fame stuff goes, the funnier and more entertaining it gets. need a reality show? there it is... disfunction at it's finest. have you ever seen such a blatant attempt of one person having to prove one million times over how much she needs to have the same fame as her older sibling, who did it all first... but making sure to do it all in an exact opposite manner? Ex: not pop; punk --- not blonde; brunette, not able to sing; able to miss a key by leaps and bounds... "I'm not doing this to set myself apart from my sister" my ass. btw jessica... i thot you were all super-christian and doing all of this singing business for god because some Zepher touched your hair when you were 15. What the...? I'm not a huge expert on god and his opinions, but do you really think he'd advice you to dumb yourself up to the entire television public so you can earn mtv a few extra mil? not likely.

also hit up ma's house tonight for an xmas dinner, which included me eating really good food and drinking 6+ glasses of whine. wowzers.

that's all i got... check the theory tho!

Thursday Night Date Dedication

It's that time, once again folks...

another classic craigslist posting... and all the more romantic!

My dog peed on your bag Monday afternoon, can we have coffee? - w4m - 22

Reply to: anon-52371132@craigslist.org
Date: Tue Dec 14 16:37:28 2004


I was walking my dog yesterday in the Garden. I was wearing my dark denim jacket, khaki pants, black boots, and a cream-colored turtleneck sweater with a white scarf and black gloves. Generally I stick to the Common because it's more dog-friendly--more spacious, roomier--but I decided to go across the street today, for reasons only fate knows. But I digress. Anyway, my dog, Rosie, was sniffing along the path. We walked by you sitting on a bench--it was in the Boylston Street/pond quadrant area--and suddenly I spotted my friend Sara, who I haven't seen in two years since I had transferred schools. I tell you all this only so you will hopefully be more forgiving about the pee incident.
So, naturally I was thrilled. Sara and I were great friends but we'd since lost touch. Perhaps you remember her too: dark red peacoat, jeans, curly brown hair, black hat with pompom. We immediately launched into a conversation reminiscing about our "crazy" days at school, blah blah blah...all this is irrelevant to you but I must stress that it's vital to understanding what happened next. You see, I was very enmeshed in this conversation and so I did not notice that my dog had stopped to pee on your bag. Sara, in fact, had to point it out to me.
I was mortified, but apparently you didn't notice because you were sitting there listening to your iPod, smoking, and reading what looked like Utne Reader. Your bag was on the ground beside you. Your obliviousness put me in a very compromising position--I thought about just fleeing the scene, but no, I did the noble thing and tapped you on the shoulder to let you know the events which had just transpired.
Believe me, it was not easy. Especially because when you looked up, I saw that you are incredibly cute. Dark brown hair, wire-rimmed glasses, five o'clock shadow, gray wool coat. So I had to force myself to try and be cool and let you know about the dog piss on your bag.
You looked really, really annoyed, and I can't blame you, but I just have to say your bag didn't look too expensive. It was a Jansport or something, right? A black messenger bag. I offered to have it cleaned or even buy you a new one but you declined and I was left in the awkward position of trying to explain and justify myself. It didn't help that Sara was laughing.
Even though you looked at my dog murderously I could see a sort of softness in your eyes which was inevitable--she's really cute, isn't she? A jack russell mix. I have to say, I was as surprised as you, because she's female and she's not a big pisser. If it's any consolation, it was only a little pee, because when I freaked out and yanked the leash she got pretty upset and it sort of...stopped. (I am not an animal abuser, by the way, it was just a reaction.)
But really, you're a cutie, and I understand your indignation which prevented me from having the guts to make a move after I told you Rosie peed on your bag. I was babbling like an idiot and probably seemed like a total flake, but I assure you I'm not. I have my degree in English and maintain a moderately successful writing career. I read Utne Reader, too! Please, please don't hate me (or my dog). When you stop fuming, can we meet for coffee? I promise I won't bring Rosie.


this is in or around the Public Garden

------------------------------------------

In Situ

Sorry i've been lame about posting... i'm wicked busy with work and christmas (i seriously need elves)... shopping, making presents, getting cards out... by the time i'm finished, i get about 5 hours to sleep, and that leaves little time to post something witty for all ya'all...

but i promise... tomorrow... or the next day...

in the meantime... why don't all of you who sneak into this little area and LURK without posting a comment,SIGN IN and let me know who you are.. i've seen Australia, The Bronx, Chapiqua, Georgia, Indiana, Berkley, California, Georgia, North Dakota, etc. etc. etc.

Quality Control

Great Weekend. My parents were in town... it's their sixth aniversary today... so to celebrate, we went to the Bronco/Miami Dolphins game. My mom, six of Rich's friends and I sat up in the box while Rich was down on the field taking pictures... possibly to be in Sports Illustrated...? YOu never know... he got his first photo in SI a few weeks ago. i'm mucho proud.

my mom bought me this amazing deep, red silk/velvet duvet cover from z gallerie (the guy behind the sales desk was unbelievably cute, and even laughed at me when i was making a stupid joke...helllooooo, nurse). i never knew i could be in love with bedding... but i've fallen head-over-heels, and waking up in such splendor makes me feel all-the-more beautiful in the morning. i think this relationship will be very fruitful...

this upcoming week is going to be hella busy... need to write my two articles for the music mag... send out xmas cards, finish shopping, and make the traditional, best in the universe truffles. funny thing... when i have a lot to do, i tend to get more motivated, rather than be more prone to lay on the couch and veg.

the AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL FINALE is Wednesday: 7PM. I'm thinkin' i'm pullin for Eva, because YaYa is over-confident and Amanda is a blind-ho...who searches out pitty anytime she can...Toccara rocked casbah, but she's gone... (SAD FACE).. and Ann was exceptionally beautiful until she opened her mouth and started talking. Yes... I'm obsessed with this show. Saturday, i flipped the tv to VH1 and discovered an all-day marathon. Ooooooooooh.


12 days of christmas starts tuesday. start singing, bitches.

You shook me all night long

So... since weekends = days off,
and days off usually = late nights
and late nights usually happen because you go on dates...

I'm now deciding to dedicate my Thursday evening post to love; whether it be akward, hilarious, heart-wrenching or go-throw-up-in-the-nearest-trash-can adorable.

Our first entry comes from a CRAIG'S LIST

Reply to: anon-6484059@craigslist.org
Date: Sun Oct 27 16:09:13 2002


last wednesday, at the bedford L stop. you were talking to that bald jerk, and then when he left, you asked me for a cigarette. you were wearing what looked like leg warmers on your arms. i suppose one would call those arm warmers. recall our conversation?

you: can i bum a cigarette? i'm sorry.

me: sure...um...do i have cigarettes?

you: well, you're smoking one.

me: oh right, in my pocket.

you: no, in your mouth.

me: ha, wait, are you funny or something?

you: yeah, but looks aren't everything.

me: hey, that's my joke.

you: property is theft.

me: hmm, this is not your average cigarette transaction.

you: most likely because you haven't given me a cigarette yet.

me: oh right, here. so is that your boyfriend?

you: no, he was just talking to me. he was friendly.

me: oh yes, a very friendly bald man.

you: what's that got to do with anything?

me: i don't trust the baldies. why are they even bald? i bet they blame their parents.

you: well thanks for the cigarette. i gotta go see a man about a horse.

me: ok.

maybe it was the light in your hair, or the fact that you actually walked up to the policeman who was riding a horse after saying that, or because i was more stoned then i've ever been in my life, but i kind of wanted you more than the doritos i had been thinking about for the past hour and a half.

-----------------------------------------------------------

in other news...i just got an ornament cut (as opposed to paper) on the inner-crease of my index finger. In the words of ET: "ooooowwwwchhhhhh."

i'm working on christmas cards tonight. hopefully i'm not the only one laughing at this one...

did you know that the length of your foot is the same as the length of your fore arm. My forearm is really huge... i wear an 11. it's part of god's devine measurement. something about... if you take this measurement of your body and divide it by this measurement, it always equals the same fraction. but isn't that more scientific than religious...?

Rockstars are Internet Geeks, Too:

forgot about this...

January 3, 2004:

sexysamibabe (1:15:32 AM): yelllo?
sexysamibabe (1:17:01 AM): no random conversationalists for you... and i'm to entangled in other things to come up with something creative- so peace out and happy new year mr. rockstar
johncmayer (1:17:17 AM): That's Miste.... oh, yah.
johncmayer (1:17:23 AM): you too.
sexysamibabe (1:17:26 AM): Miste?
johncmayer (1:17:32 AM): was gonna say mister...
johncmayer (1:17:35 AM): nevermind
sexysamibabe (1:17:40 AM): haha
sexysamibabe (1:17:49 AM): so you are starting up conversation now?
sexysamibabe (1:18:19 AM): or...should i really just walk out the door on that last great line...?
johncmayer (1:18:30 AM): yah, I'm not quite a wordsmith tonight.
sexysamibabe (1:18:38 AM): that's o.k.
sexysamibabe (1:19:03 AM): we can't all expect you to be mister poetic all of the time
sexysamibabe (1:20:03 AM): maybe i'll talk to you some other time :-)

Bam... Bitch Went Down. Sami... Super Bitch!

uh haha... ok. here's the story. tell me if this is unfair.

This girl *that was obsessed with my good friend* bought my bed from me. This is in May. She said she could pay me in a month and that was fine.

A month later, She gave me half ($100) and said she'd have the next half a month later. I was out of state by then, so i was like, whatever, you can mail it to me.

July 15 (her declaration date of "I will pay you then") came and went... still no money. Maybe if she would have stopped buying my friend clothes from Anchor Blue, she could have afforded me a check like any other responsible human being.

Months passed. I called her once a month to go, hey, yo girl... what's up with the cash? She said she had been thru tons of health issues and really busy and she could only pay me a little at a time. I said... you know what.. that's cool.. i understand.

I talked to her in October... she said she lost her phone and lost my info, and that she would finally be sending my money by November 5.

November 28: Nothing. So i call her, and say, "Hey.. it's well past the 5th, it's 7 months later, and still.. no cash. The patient/understanding thing wasn't really working with you, so now i'm whipping out the obnoxious tactics. Please call me back within the next few days so we can clear this up."

She didn't call.

So Two days later, I call her again. I leave a smart-alec, overtly-pleasant message.

"Hey! It's Sami. This is in regards to the $100 dollars you owe me and if you don't call me tonite, I'll give you another call tomorrow! thanks, and hope you're doing well!."

Nothing.

Day 2:
"Hey! It's Sami and this is your daily reminder that you STILL owe me $100. Please call me back so we may figure this out asap! I hope you are doing well! Talk to you soon."

Nothing. This continued for 7+ days. So today, I had a shitty weekend... a shitty day... and stress is sitting right up on my fibula...(what?). I hate confrontation and i hate having to do this everyday, but i told her that's what i was going to do in my messages, so i had to follow through...

So...I call her. This has been 10 consecutive days in a row, 8 calls later and 2-3 text messages as well. I call, and say...

"Hi. You still haven't called me back. I've been really patient with you and i'm really tired of waiting. Please take care of this with me, because if you don't, i'm goin to go to a collections agent or a lawyer, and i'm sure you'd rather take care of this before hand. I"m really fucking tired of waiting and i think it's really fucking rude that you're blowing this off like it didn't happen. I'm not going to forget $100 so PLEASE call me back."

Uh... four hours later (and not 10 minutes ago), i receive a phone call from no other.

I panic, silence the phone and wait for a voice mail.

Hahaha. Note she's laying on the same, saucy tone i've been putting out in all of my messages to her (i wish i could have an audio clip for ya'all):

"Hi Sami, This is (censored). I've been really really busy at work, and i've received three messages from you, the last one was a little disturbing. I've had really serious health issues and have really been working all the time and switching in between stores and i did send you a check and if you don't get it, call me and leave me a message with your address and i will be HAPPY to send you another one. I hope everything is going well BYE!"

I bet a million dollars she JUST sent the check today, or will send it tomorrow... and as for health and work? I have three jobs, had strep for two weeks, and if i owed someone 100 dollars, oh... I would have paid them back SIX MONTHS AGO!!!!!!!

I shouldn't feel guilty, right?

Picture Pages

me.
holiday not wanting to share sleep space
hey! 80s popart!
why i don't have a boyfriend...
maynard's camera shy. i'm just a concerned floating head.
but holiday's a photowhore, too... just like her mama!

Grrr...

I think i've hit an all-time low for the month, which is pretty good, considering it's only December 4th.

I'm feeling all 'woe-is-me' because men suck royally and never cease to amaze me with their jackass motives. I have to wonder if it's all my fault for just attracting all the wrong men. Maybe i should stop being so genuine/real and start pulling 19-year-old sorority girl bullshit. That'll get me a good man! Like, totally...for sure.

My suprisingly-accurate and relationship savvy friend out in LI says I always attract the alpha males. Well screw all of you... go pee on somebody else!

I had a heinous run-in last night with the stupid italian asshole that felt the need to tell me everything he could offer, but then, ended up not following through on a single fucking thing.

"So... since you want to be with me... you'll have to follow through with every word you say. All I really want is you to stick around...I'll see you every day, but you have to follow through."

Sorry. Gavin's stripped version of that song just came on Itunes. I <3 him.

Anywho...That guy is prime Alfie material. He walks in last night looking like he owns the place, with his new barbie-doll "girlfriend" (Whom i became friends with and is actually a huge sweetheart) and then proceeds to sit RIGHT in front of my friend and I while we're trying to watch a show. Instead of catching Rodney and his sweet guitar skills, we caught an up-close-and-personal "Oh! We have to prove to EVERYONE in the bar (Especially Sami) how in love we are!" Fucking gag me.

I"m glad they're so happy and enjoy each other's company. He's definately not right for me, so i don't condemn him from being with anyone else. Though, it did feel like he did that specifically to make me notice him.

"As opposed to the planet, 'Look at me, Look at me!"


I did, however, walk right up to him while he was whispering sweet loads-of-crap to the gorgeous girl next to him to politely ask him to move because our viewing of the show was severely skewed.

Afterward, he invited me over to his house for a keg party. (hey...a keg. i'm 18 all over again!) I said no. Talked a bit... we had some stare downs... a few tense arguements... His lady-love gave me a big hug goodbye, and his other friend from work shook my hand and said he was pleased to meet me. The boy however, shot straight for the door and ignored me. When i called him on it, he asked for a huge goodbye hug.

"No...thanks. I"m good."

This is where things went a tad awry, as I (whispered) some mean things... something about.. "you're an asshole, you're a dick, we need to talk." (Yes... i know. who would want to willingly talk to you after you insult them, but jeeezus... it was so warrented.)

His girl told us to talk because she could tell we had issues so she ran inside to fetch a friend.

"So... I told you not to waste your time if you were going to pull stupid shit like this and you did it anyway. What is your problem? I thot you didn't treat women like this."

"This is how i treat women."

Girl walks out. I point to her and say, "Well... don't treat her like that because she's cool as hell."

The whole time, he didn't even have the respect to look at me. Instead, he looked at the floor, like the coward that he is, all-the-while walking slowly away from me to his car because he knew he had just been exposed for exactly who he is, and that... my friends, is a big, fat, gap-apparelled PHONEY.

The girl walked up to say goodbye again and the boy started walking back in my general direction. Hmm.. wierd!

Within good reason tho, because the girl looked me straight in the eye and said, "Is this guy really an asshole, cause a friend of his set me up with him."

Hahaha... 'this guy?'

I got stared down by the boy, and all i said was, "Just be careful." then turned around and walked to my car smiling.

I think i'm going to submit his name for the "Who's who among Absolute Fucking Assholes" 2005 Edition.

Now, i'm not going to see Rodney again tonight because i don't want to run the chance of running into him again. Gross.

Unfortunately, he has two of my movies, which he claims he will bring by tomorrow... somehow i doubt it. But the sooner that happens, the sooner i never have to see him again. I hate him. i hate him. i hate him. i hate him.



I just saw CLOSER... now i'm depressed. I need to vent to my good friend in AZ about all of this, but he won't fucking pick up his phone/answer my texts. Gah!

Less bitter twentysomething bitching tomorrow. sorry kids, but i've been fuming all day... i'm slowly coming to the realization that i may just be alone forever because i always seem to get suckered into giving the crap guys a shot, then get a bitter attitude when i feel screwed over...which is really all my fault. But the whole 'men suck' attitude doesn't really invite good relationship karma...

The Sexiest Day That Ever Was...

For Paris, it's video taping sex-rendevous with Shannan Doherty's ex... For Britney it's making an entire album that screams "pelvic girations" in each song that the hand-crafted sound guy mixed oh-so-carefully together... And for Clinton, it was having that slutty intern propped up against the bottom of his desk while he so slyly made phone calls to National Abmassadors.

Damn, that's hot.

For me, however... It's being appauled and stunned beyond recognition at the ripe-age of 16. So what does this entail exactly?

July 1998:
In my biking-obsessive days, i would ride across town on the bike path to work out at the YMCA, then bike back when i was finished... all in all, an 8 mile, two-hour daily project.

Twenty minutes into my trip, I spotted a man under the Baken Park bridge doing, what i thot, was fishing. Though Process went as follows:

Wow, that guy has a really nice chest.
I bet he is fishing.
Oh...my...god. He's not wearing pants. He's...NAKED!
Oh...he's....
EWW EWW EWWW HE"S MASTERBATING.
I AM SO CORRUPTED!!!!!!!!

I rode off yelling "ew. ew. ew. ew." for about 2 miles when i came upon something else...

Because i was 100 degrees out, I was riding around in windpants and a sportsbra. Maybe not my brightest moment... Some guy in a beat-up old brown car, probably from 1973, actually pulled over to tell me to come back to his house later. Appauling.

Later that night, my best friend Sara and I were crusing downtown in my Silver Chevrolet Pick-up (how cool are we? not very). We stopped on Main St. across from Video Blue: the premier spot for adult video to leave harrassment notes on the perverted old men of rapid who were inside purchasing triple x film material.

The notes were harmless really, just a "Have fun choking the chicken," or "Go home to our wife and kids." Stupid high school humor.

While sitting across the street waiting for reactions, we had noticed a small red geo-metro circle the block and then come back and park next to us. We thought we were in some kind of trouble.

Some chick and her husband get out of the car...:

Chick: "Hey Guys... is this your truck?"
Me: "Uh... yeah."
Shit... we're in trouble.
Chick: "This is really nice."
No it's not.
Me: "yeah..."
Chick: "So... me and my husband are wondering if you and your friend would be up for...a Foursome."
Me: (blatant) "NOOOOOO!"
Chick: "Oh.. well do you know anyone inside who would be."
Me: "Uh.. no. We're waiting for our friend and he's totally straight."

Sara repeatedly said, "Sam... Sam... oh my god?"

I waited till the car drove off around the corner and then screamed my lungs out.
Maybe that's not so wierd in NYC or big city Vegas... but in population 65,000 RAPID CITY, SD!?!?!

Sexiest day that ever was... Though it may be rivaling with today, as the hot musician boy that came in last week looking for a Studio space just stopped in with his guitar looking particularly yummy, sat down in the hallway, serenaded me and left his phone number.

*sigh*