Wow

Some people amaze me.

The sheer ability to just do whatever because they really know what they want, and damn, do they get it, because they've got drive.

I'm sitting here sifting through listings on Craigslist and looking at just about any location's living supplies just to look. I like to look around the world and see what style is available and for how much.

Shitty apartment in NY for $625

Amazing Downtown LOFTS in Atlanta, GA (here, here and HERE) for around $800 with a rooftop balcony (i.e. reminds me of that apt. in the new reese witherspoon movie - i think this is my favorite...)

Really cool stuff in Nashville.... spensive, but how much fun would it be to live on music row? And hi, this 1940s home is gorrrrrgeous, and pretty cheap for a 4bedroom house.

Single beach apartment home for $340 in Sydney Australia.

I mean, seriously... cool. I had a roomate in college who went to study abroad in Australia for a semester - she ended up meeting the love of her life there, and moved back indefinately. I'm pretty sure she's still there.

It amazes me how people just leave like that, and just fly with it. SO freaking cool.

I'm totally ready in the next 8 months or so to just pull a completely random act and suprise everyone with some major decision.

And i hope to actually follow through with that...

Hrmm..

I'm really realizing this weekend just how fickle i am.
Letting other people decide my life path for me...
Going with it, then dodging things last minute.
Stressing about things that are completely in my control, but instead of just ripping off the god damn bandaid, i wait around for someone else to do it for me.

what. the. fuck. is my problem?
i am putting myself through absolute misery because i can't step up and make a fucking decision.
i'm fucked. for life.
completely fucked.

this is so fucking frustrating... but letting that peverbial 'band-aid' hang half-off the wound allows me to go to and from each thing without completely closing any door. i hate closing doors. i hate it. hate it. hate it. Oh yeah, did i mention, i hate it?

ok. so here's the book idea i've been watiting for...
life started when i finally ripped off that band aid.
maybe i should just start hashing shit out all over the place, and see where it takes me. and then call the book "burning bridges" or stick with the whole bandaid theme and put some hot girls' arm with some picked-off bandaid hanging loosely from her pale, white skin...
Actually... I think i'd call it something like... On/OFF:Autopilot

Yeah... there it is. there's the book. and it'll be all awe-inspiring to millions of girls just dying to have the book made into the next big movie, oprah adds it to her book club, and then i don't have to do jack shit for the rest of my life!

it's a plan!

ugh. i feel so gross. can't my option be: curl up in a ball and be depressed?
cause that's how i feel.

at least i've started sneezing again. this is the first time in about three weeks.
woo.

*::but i'll learn to get by...on the little victories::*

trailed by a mess
of masking tape construction paper
and the best of intentions
he tried to patch up every hole as he went
back and forth and back again
and his friends half full of half concerns
embarassed looks and tired words
they burrowed deeper into the ignorant
little lives they preferred
and he envied their distance
their lack of concern
he thought,
Once I shed the whole of me...
Once I shed the whole of me...




Then I'll be smiling.

They litter me with small awareness'
then they ask if i'm good enough
they litter me with small awarenesses
just to wake me up
why do the fools wake me up...?

oooh! i went the lyric route. you know i'm bummed out when i go there.
arg.

Lifetime...on Your Resume??

So I just was flipping through channels and paused on lifetime because the ever-lovely "Unsolved Mysteries" was on.

And I had to stop and have a looky-loo because i swear to god, in the re-inactment of some school bombing, Jim Caviezel was the bomber.

And it made me wonder...

Do you really think that when you looked at an Actor's bio, you would see:

Angel Eyes - Dead Ghost Guy
Passion of the Christ - Jesus
Unsolved Mysteries - Bomber #1 in Re-inactment 3 of 5, episode 22.

I mean, there's so many possibilities of just, really bad acting jobs of really big actors we're missing, that VH1 could make an ENTIRE show about...

Wouldn't you watch?

Wow...

So, I was checking the traffic on this baby the other day and it was up from about 30-60 peeps/day to 300!?!? Where are all of you coming from, and why the hell don't you leave witty comments?

I better start writing more trivial stuff to spawn some conversation... and more, like I said I would, but haven't, because I've been sick as a mother f-in dog (sorry).

I have a lot of stuff spread around, but i'm saving it for just a little bit longer.

On a positive note, for once... someone called yesterday and just GAVE me some really awesome tickets to the Broncos playoff game this Sunday. Insanely random, and very gratious!

And something else that makes me want to puke:

Everyone already has a jillion and seven problems with "tomkat" because it's all a bunch of bullshit --- and if you don't hate them already, you will after i tell you that for Katie's Bday, Tom got her a big basket of Dvd's of every, single movie he's ever done in chronological order.

Uh... Wow... THat's um... really... amazing!

I bet if you stacked all the movies up end to end (not tall, like pancakes) that the movies would still be about 800 times taller than Mr. Cruise Himself... tho i wonder if you stacked only the good ones, if Tom would tower over them.

Come on' Katie. You don't have to be stuck just cause you're knocked up. GET A BRAIN.

Jebus

So, i've spent every day save today IN my lovely bed with my lovely mom on the following cycle:

1. drink a liter of water.
2. try to get some form of nutrient down (yogurt, boost, watermellon, ice cream)
3. try not to swallow much because it hurts like a mofo
4. take some vicodin
5. pass out.

This is on a four hour cycle, meaning I've consumed roughly 28-32 VICODIN's in the last five days, the variance due to having to up my dosage, as one pill just isn't cutting it anymore.

10mg tablets, every four hours - that's some heavy shit... and i still have 2 refils (80 more pills) if so needed.

Today, I'd have to say, is the sorest, worst day - because new tissue from my throat is being exposed and all that grey mossy stuff sticking to my throat right now (i'm guessing) is choosing to clear away- and I tried to go into work today and wasn't having much luck.

I feel bad because i've been out of work for nearly a month now due to being sick, and now due to recovery (i think i just used the word "due" about 800 timse now, but that is due to me feeling horrendous due to the vicodin dose) that i feel bad because i keep getting asked left and right to get stuff done for work, and i'm not feeling capable - at all. Not because I don't want to ... but because I just can't, and vicodin is harsh, and being in the car makes me feel like i went on some nasty circus ride.

Fear thee not, my friends --- because there is lots of change coming, and as soon as this healing is all out of the way, i will be flying all up in your area with accomplishment and tasks finished, ready to help you to 1008% of my ability.

i hope this made sense. if not, i'll be back later, but i'm literally about to fall over --- stupid vicodin. can you believe it... i'm flippin sick of ice cream.

and i haven't pooped for a week. how's that? it's not great!

i'll probably loose about 30 lbs when i finally am able (which is when i'll finally not be taking serious pain killers anymore).

thank god for moms tho. at least mine. she rocks casbah. i wish she was still here... now i'm just glad i have my cats .

CATS!

ANd i'm o---

*THUMP*

Hospital, Hospital Like it Like It

16 gold stars who can name where the above quote comes from. Very obscure...

I am proud to say that as of today at about 12:pm, I am tonsil-less.
And you should totally look into my throat, beacuse it GI-Normous -kind of like the Grand Canyon of Throats.

I can see men loving this... mwa ha.

I went into the hospital around 10 to greet the teeniest, tiniest 90-year-old woman who was working as a VOLUNTEER at the front desk, went through registration, and then stripped down to nothing but my "underpanties" and a hospital gown to lay on a roller guerney and answer a million questions about my health history.

Nurse Mary rolled me into the operating room and made me transfer onto a surgical table, then hooked me up with a heated blanket. Niiiiiice.

At ll:57am, I was administered anesthetic.

I got a little nervous, and could tell by how the heart rate monitor raised noticably. I slowed to a deep breath, but it seemed to interchange at a regular pace.

Before I knew it, my doctor was asking me to think of something amazing because when I woke back up, it's what I would be thinking about.

I couldn't think of anything off the top of my head, so the nurse suggested holding a powerball ticket and remember her name when I won. ha. I should have just thought about flying down the street on a vespa.

This lethal fume starting a journey up my esophogus and into my throat and mouth. I started coughing violently. I felt like I was in some sort of concentration camp - but before I could even have the chance to really cough out a lung or cover my mouth, I was passed out cold.

I woke up coughing again and not dreaming of that pleasant thought. I kept my eyes closed, but opened them just a moment to scan my surroundings. The clock on a far wall read 12:32pm, and because I knew my mom was there, I reverted back to high school and wanted to bolt out of bed, as though I had slept in too late and was going to be scolded.

I had the nicest nurses. They tried to find my mom, but they said she had went to lunch. Seemed odd to me, but I thot maybe she had ran to target (she thinks everythign in my house smells like Cat Urine... awesome. And since I can't smell, I have no one around to tell me when i'm breating in cat waste. No wonder I get headaches all of the time). She had mentioned stocking up on new beddings because Holiday had targeted both of the comforters on my bed, and even though I cleaned them religiously, it was still potent with their glow-in-the-dark pee.

Gross.

I sat up quickly and starting coughing a bit more. Odd though, my throat barely hurt. Morphine, i'm guessing.

After I was sitting for awhile, my nurse inserted another huge shot of medicing into the IV in my hand to kill pain, and my mom showed up with a little white kitten (how cute is she?). All soft and lush... i love stuffed animals haha.

Apparently, the doctor had told her my tonsils still looks like ass, were of enormous porportions and also said he was very happy for them to be out. I kind of wanted them, but they were up in some lab being checked out for rare diseases or something.

I didn't get to keep them, but I think they looked a little something like this:



or this:



Gross, yeah? Damn bacteria Mongers.

As Bill Cosby Put it... "Your tonsils are like Soldiers, throwing grenades, shooting guns; fighting that war. Well, son... your's just lost. In fact, they're fighting on the other side... and if you don't get them out of your body, they're going to kill you"

I asked a million questions, but the one that i'm still pondering, because I didn't think about it until this afternoon, was how the hell they moved me back on to the guerney from the operating table...

Now, other than being pretty tired (not sleepy tired, just relaxed tired), I've been doing really well. My mom and I layed in my lush new bed hook-up and watched Gilmore Girls all day. I drank a million Boosts and even tried chicken noodle.

I've heard that just like working out, "the third day is the worst" because the "scab" that forms on your throat starts peeling --- not groovy - makes me want to barf. But Emily (who just had the surgery a few months ago) assured me there is no nappy scab, but green moss that grows for a few days (i don't know about you, but the first thing I thot of was a chia pet). I've set my alarm every four hours on my phone incase of dosing off to prevent having to deal with the pain...

I'm suprised at how non-sick I feel though. Maybe this has to do with the popcicles the nurse game me... I've been walking around the house, sleeping an hour here and there, getting up to eat, water plants, text message my best ones, and then repeat the cycle. I think i've seen about 9 episodes of Gilmore Girls: 5th Season and I"m about to settle in for AFV. What a dork!

Anywho, i wasn't trying to give you some dumb report on my current health plan, but I can't sleep at the moment, wanted to let my mom pass out (Because she's sick with a heinous sinus cold as well) and felt like writing... since I don't have really any desire to talk very much, because it feels like I just sang for about three days straight, I'm making you suffer the longest of long e-mails.

Fun!

So, if you're bored, why dont' you read some other blogs, or celerity crap. My favorite: Pink is The New Blog. I've gotten about 40 of my friends hooked over the last year, so don't be suprised if you start checking in daily to see what's going on with Skanky Federline, Paris, Ho-Han and the Olsen girls... ha.

Also, if you're on My Space, why don't you Harrass me there. Because like so many others out there, i'm freaking ADDICTED.

Hope the rest of you are all doing fabulous... I've had some interesting thing happen to me this week and want to share them with you, but will probably wait until tomorrow or Friday.

Until then my dears, stay sa-weet... stay groovy :-)

Coming to a Town near you

My little sis sent me this today.

I'm still wondering what they do... will someone call the number and let me know?

I tend to lean toward the legman and boobguy.

Monday, Monday

So, apparently, the big boss man forgot to inform me that today is a Holiday.

What?

It's freaking January 2. NOT the first. NOTChristmas. NOT My Birthday (it's on Presidents' day this year, so enjoy your day off, bitches!).

No.. It's the SECOND DAY of January.

Now, excuse me if it's your birthday or something, but I didn't know we got to take an entire day off, just because new years day fell on a weekend and people just couldn't bare to come back to work the next day.

Pu-lease. You had an entire day YESTERDAY to nurse your hangovers.

So... maybe i'm just really excited because I haven't worked for three weeks straight and am rearin' to go.
And rearin' I am, because I'm the only one in the office today, so I'm able to get a lot done, and nobody's callin.

I'd like to be anywhere but home today. Stupid laying around the bed for so long has jaded me, and now i'm anti-bed.

Sorry future boy toys... we're going to have to find a new place to do the deed!
Ok.. that was innapropriate.

But laugh moment of the day... and I knew one day, this would happen... but I have a rollerchair here at work.

I stand up a lot, move around often... i'm always multi-tasking about three chores at a time.
Today, i did such that i missed the chair completely and feel smack on my ass... VERY WHITE, short skirt and all.

Laughed a bit. Pretty glad no one was around to see it, though I would have glowed at the chance to make someone smile/laugh.

Can you say chi-to-the-pol-to-the tle???

That's where i'm heading. More interesting stuff later...
[btw.. grandpa is gggggggreat. thanks for good thots if you sent 'em].

Happy New Year

[insert funny new years pic from last night here due to current lack of camera]

Oh wait! I have one from last year...:


Drink much?

I didn't.

No... it was pretty mellow at the Lien household.
And by mellow, I mean mellow, stretched out on the couch with face planted into the cushion because I was so tired! I did at least make it til' midnight, though.

I'm not really one for making resolutions on the new year -- only because about 85% of the people bail on those things, and i'd hate to become some statistic... but since I"m kind of going through this whole revitalization phase, I do have some things that I would like to work on...

And the fact that this coincides with Jan 1 just happens to be some bizarre happenstance.

1. Stop being so judgemental/negative.
2. Stop talking shit/gossiping.
3. Work out a shit load/be healthy but still eat dessert every day (finally able because after those tonsils come out Thursday, I plan on being healthy indefinately!
4. Not be sick.
5. Be better, not bitter.
6. Stop worrying so damn much what people think about me (this is already going pretty fair).
7. Oh yeah... Blog more often (this is already going pretty well, too).
8. Ditch a jillion of my crazy OCD habbits... Yes. I flip out when things aren't in their exact places. I notice when even the slightest of my listerine is missing, and I make declarations when I'm annoyed at how the blanket isn't on the couch right, the pillow is facing the wrong way or there's a coffee ring on the counter.

Yeah... i'm going to make a GREAT mom someday.

What's everyone else working on (if you are, in fact one of the statistics, or like me... just 'happen' to desire change)?????