Hospital, Hospital Like it Like It

16 gold stars who can name where the above quote comes from. Very obscure...

I am proud to say that as of today at about 12:pm, I am tonsil-less.
And you should totally look into my throat, beacuse it GI-Normous -kind of like the Grand Canyon of Throats.

I can see men loving this... mwa ha.

I went into the hospital around 10 to greet the teeniest, tiniest 90-year-old woman who was working as a VOLUNTEER at the front desk, went through registration, and then stripped down to nothing but my "underpanties" and a hospital gown to lay on a roller guerney and answer a million questions about my health history.

Nurse Mary rolled me into the operating room and made me transfer onto a surgical table, then hooked me up with a heated blanket. Niiiiiice.

At ll:57am, I was administered anesthetic.

I got a little nervous, and could tell by how the heart rate monitor raised noticably. I slowed to a deep breath, but it seemed to interchange at a regular pace.

Before I knew it, my doctor was asking me to think of something amazing because when I woke back up, it's what I would be thinking about.

I couldn't think of anything off the top of my head, so the nurse suggested holding a powerball ticket and remember her name when I won. ha. I should have just thought about flying down the street on a vespa.

This lethal fume starting a journey up my esophogus and into my throat and mouth. I started coughing violently. I felt like I was in some sort of concentration camp - but before I could even have the chance to really cough out a lung or cover my mouth, I was passed out cold.

I woke up coughing again and not dreaming of that pleasant thought. I kept my eyes closed, but opened them just a moment to scan my surroundings. The clock on a far wall read 12:32pm, and because I knew my mom was there, I reverted back to high school and wanted to bolt out of bed, as though I had slept in too late and was going to be scolded.

I had the nicest nurses. They tried to find my mom, but they said she had went to lunch. Seemed odd to me, but I thot maybe she had ran to target (she thinks everythign in my house smells like Cat Urine... awesome. And since I can't smell, I have no one around to tell me when i'm breating in cat waste. No wonder I get headaches all of the time). She had mentioned stocking up on new beddings because Holiday had targeted both of the comforters on my bed, and even though I cleaned them religiously, it was still potent with their glow-in-the-dark pee.

Gross.

I sat up quickly and starting coughing a bit more. Odd though, my throat barely hurt. Morphine, i'm guessing.

After I was sitting for awhile, my nurse inserted another huge shot of medicing into the IV in my hand to kill pain, and my mom showed up with a little white kitten (how cute is she?). All soft and lush... i love stuffed animals haha.

Apparently, the doctor had told her my tonsils still looks like ass, were of enormous porportions and also said he was very happy for them to be out. I kind of wanted them, but they were up in some lab being checked out for rare diseases or something.

I didn't get to keep them, but I think they looked a little something like this:



or this:



Gross, yeah? Damn bacteria Mongers.

As Bill Cosby Put it... "Your tonsils are like Soldiers, throwing grenades, shooting guns; fighting that war. Well, son... your's just lost. In fact, they're fighting on the other side... and if you don't get them out of your body, they're going to kill you"

I asked a million questions, but the one that i'm still pondering, because I didn't think about it until this afternoon, was how the hell they moved me back on to the guerney from the operating table...

Now, other than being pretty tired (not sleepy tired, just relaxed tired), I've been doing really well. My mom and I layed in my lush new bed hook-up and watched Gilmore Girls all day. I drank a million Boosts and even tried chicken noodle.

I've heard that just like working out, "the third day is the worst" because the "scab" that forms on your throat starts peeling --- not groovy - makes me want to barf. But Emily (who just had the surgery a few months ago) assured me there is no nappy scab, but green moss that grows for a few days (i don't know about you, but the first thing I thot of was a chia pet). I've set my alarm every four hours on my phone incase of dosing off to prevent having to deal with the pain...

I'm suprised at how non-sick I feel though. Maybe this has to do with the popcicles the nurse game me... I've been walking around the house, sleeping an hour here and there, getting up to eat, water plants, text message my best ones, and then repeat the cycle. I think i've seen about 9 episodes of Gilmore Girls: 5th Season and I"m about to settle in for AFV. What a dork!

Anywho, i wasn't trying to give you some dumb report on my current health plan, but I can't sleep at the moment, wanted to let my mom pass out (Because she's sick with a heinous sinus cold as well) and felt like writing... since I don't have really any desire to talk very much, because it feels like I just sang for about three days straight, I'm making you suffer the longest of long e-mails.

Fun!

So, if you're bored, why dont' you read some other blogs, or celerity crap. My favorite: Pink is The New Blog. I've gotten about 40 of my friends hooked over the last year, so don't be suprised if you start checking in daily to see what's going on with Skanky Federline, Paris, Ho-Han and the Olsen girls... ha.

Also, if you're on My Space, why don't you Harrass me there. Because like so many others out there, i'm freaking ADDICTED.

Hope the rest of you are all doing fabulous... I've had some interesting thing happen to me this week and want to share them with you, but will probably wait until tomorrow or Friday.

Until then my dears, stay sa-weet... stay groovy :-)