Ain't it Shocking What Love Can Do?

Anyone seen "Being Bobby Brown?" What the hell happened to Whitney?

Love?

Cause she is one, cracked-out whore. And I know said has been the case for several years now,but geeeeeeeez.

This is no way comes from some bizarre hate for her because when i was 11, I wrote her a letter saying I thot she was amazing (she was... not is) and she sent the letter back stamped Elvis-style "Return To Sender."

Bitch.

But now she's on national television showing everyone the disgrace that she has become. How nice for her.

That wasn't my main point, really... just wanted to touch on that...and basically shit all over something very important (humor is the way to deal in times of crisis...)

My grandfather is in the hospital... not sure if he's going to be ok. And the funny thing is, out of 9 children, my mom is always the only one allowed up at the hospital with he and my grandma - because she is the "iron marshmallow." i.e. the softie that stands strong in any situation but still has the knack to ease everyone into even the worst news.

So...my mom fields all of the phone calls from everyone else who is concerned. I'm sitting with my brother while she is up there and I didn't even think about it when she asked me, but i'm all "Well... I have to..."

Hi...family first. I feel so damn selfish sometimes. Not sure why I do that.

Oh yeah. Cause I'm a writer and not a linguist. Don't speak. I don't know what you're saying. Please just stop complaining,because you say everything WRONG.

Not to mention that my mom has about every other possible thing on her shoulders as well. Coming home is always a nice check in and see how minimal my life's problems are. Not that she has a lot, but she just is always in the throw of so much...

I know everybody thinks their mom is the most amazing person they know, but I have to argue... because you haven't met mine.

2005 is supposed to be thrown out (because it's been a shit year) and good good shtuff is supposed to start happening starting tomorrow. This whole hospital thing just doesn't coincide if my grandpa doesn't get better... :-(

So just a news flash to everyone reading this:
Throw out your bad shit. Today. Don't let the trash sit on your front porch another damn day because you're going to shape the fuck up starting at 11:59pm this evening. Straighten that shit up and start anew... because while I don't think you have to restrict your 'resolutions' to the first of the year (this is like smokers saying "oh... i'll quit on tuesday." ... my ass), it's certainly a good 'excuse' and, well... if you're good at making those, than here's a grand opportunity.

I think that was my inner first-born child bitch kicking in. I'm very bossy.
So just do it before I give you a wedige.

Oh, By the way... Happy New Year. and oh yeah.

2006 is THE YEAR OF THE DOG in Chineese Astrology. That's my Year... and everyone else born in 1994, 1982, and 1970.

Sa-weet!

That's Hot

Kudos to Paris Hilton who is one classy broad (photo courtesy my favorite, Trent). I can't say I haven't done something equally as uncuth in public, but gosh, woman... when you're being followed 27 hours of the day by paparazzi, you probably shouldn't be diggin' for gold," "goin' to the movies," or just to put it blundtly: SCRATCHING YOUR PUSS on a public beach.

That's (not) hot. But it does prove that the new catch phrase really should be that taking a shower means sticking your hand up your bagina (courtesy this girl who seems like one cool chic...).

Thanks for passing that one along, Paris... because as everyone knows... as soon as you get your golden little hands on something, it turns instantly do platinum.

Irregardless... this photo also proves that it will never be cool to be Paris due to recent events of 2005:

1. Stealing Mary-Kate's Boy Toy WHILE they were still together.
2. Being BORING during sex (so illustriously demonstrated during "A Night In Paris"
3. "Losing" your Sidekick and pissing off about 500 well-known celebutantes.
4. Scratching your cootch while in plain civilian view.
5. Being best friends with Kim Stewart (She apparently has a "picking" problem, as well).

Paris, dear. Need I say anything more than That's just (not) hot.

Living in a Snowglobe

All break I've wanted snow.

And now, just a few days before I have to drive across possibly one of the most boring trecks of land in America, and probably just hours before I"ll get a chance to go Ice Skating up on the pond with my two favorite cousins and a bon fire, IT'S FREAKING BLIZZARDING OUTSIDE!!!

Mmm... blizzard.

Anyway... we (i mean... my parents) have a lot of windows in their house. Purdy.

I crossed a lot of shtuff off my list shopping yesterday. My boots boots, a slew of make-up (and some really kick ass peppermint lip color stuff from Bath and Body), as well as a new Sami Jacket and undertanks. I'm working on the tennis shoes and mini-tramp - for which I would like to utilize today -- but with all the snow, i'm ending up sitting around on my ass instead.

It's nearly time to return back to reality.

Also lame.

I think 2006 is goin to be good tho. Plus... I have a new skirt coming in the mail. Wonder how long that will take.

One week and counting until surgery. If anyone in Denver (who i Know) is free on Thursday, Jan 5 from about 9:30am - 12:30pm to drive me to and from the hospital... I would greatly appreciate. My mom can't make it down...and i'm not going to Reschedule.

Off to Anna Nicole my ass...

Insight to the box between my thighs

Today, my doctor took a shower.

And by took i mean, "Stuck her hand" and by shower I mean "up my bagina."

Actually really painless and easy this time around (third times a charm).

Something I wish I would have avoided before this mornings appointment
-- The salty curry chicken I ate last nite for two reasons -- 1. gas.

2. the extra 4lbs or so displayed on the scale due to salt grabbing onto an extreme excess of water. Water weight. Shyeah.

But all is wonderful in the world of bagina (and big, giant boobies), because Victoria's Secret is having their giant semi-annual sale and i'm going to spend a bagillion dollars to beguil my bagina and ba-boobies.

Booyah.

I so excited.
Well, only partially excited because of how chubby i feel today after being weighed on the digital scale and finding out i've gained 10-12 lbs over the last few months (hi... i've basically had mono).

But whatever. still hot! and licky for me, the weight gain is in the bra....


BOOBS!

Dream Cleaning

I'm going through a life cleanse right now.

It's FABULOUS.

And not only in my day-to-day, but my dream life, as well.

Hell, I even had Matt Nathanson trying to teach me how to play Maracca's at Common Grounds in Highlands while waiting for a Buzz the other night. WHo the fuck doesn't know how to play maraccas? Come on, Matt.

I've been thinking a lot lately about wanting to simplify everything down to less clutter and complication. I'm pretty sure it's one part being severely ill the past few weeks and wanting to just start fresh and another part spending quality time at the several of my fam's houses while here in South Dakota that makes me want to revamp and spring clean.

I"m talking, shift out all the old-school clothes and bring in basic stuff so i no longer have like, four of everything.

Last nite, I went through an explicit closet re-organization project in my dream world. Felt great... and when I woke up this morning, I got a phone call from one of my good ones over in New Hampshire:

"Hi, what are you doing?," He asked.
"Nothing much at the moment," as I lie in bed waiting for him to appologize for not calling on Christmas or for some other lame reason.
"Well... I'm at the Banana Republic in New Hampshire and I just found a skirt that you absolutely HAVE to have. I need to know your size."

I paused. What??? He's never bought me anything... coooool.

BR is nice, classy shit! I'm excited. I need new clothes.

Also on my list (for my own reference):
A mini-trampoline
New Make-up
New Boots Boots.
Digital Camera
Body Shimmer
Bras and Panties
Cool Quilt (soft) for bed.

I'm sure once I clear out my tonsils in a week and a half, that will leave more room for good as well.

For now, though - i'm off to get my hair did.
Translation: Sweet! I don't have to do my hair today!

Feliz Navidad

Merry Christmas Ya'all.

I hope the festivities are treating you all like queens and kings and that you are eating much and laughing your butt off at hard-dying family traditions.

My todo list for today:

*Watch Christmas Story on TBS at least once over the next 24 hours.
*Wear pajamas for at least half of the day before having to get all souped-out to go be around family
*Hug at least 14 people
*Eat three different kinds of pie
*Get plastered on wine around 40 or so family members (Thank god i'm wearing cabernet-colored pants)
*Squish my nephew about 80 times.

More to come on all of this. I guess we're doing a HUGE family photo with my grandparents, all 18 of my aunts and uncles and all 20some of my cousins + my little nephew (the only great grand baby). Should be fun... and since my stepdad is the photographer, i'm lucky enough to know i need to look shnazzed (the photo is a big fat surprise).

So for now, until i spend some of my xmas cash on a new digital camera (Cause lord needs i'm having a hard time living without one)... here's some cheer to throw in your big fat bowl of egg nog.

Love you all!

Disclaimer: this is gross

Now, albiet this isn't a very good photo, but I wanted you all to know just how much pain I am in right now.

Because my tonsil has blown up to massive porportions.

Now you can see my fingers.
And you can see the flashlight.

Now see that Jaba The Hut looking guy in the back?? That's my extremely pussed-out tonsil. The other one is almost kissing it, but the left side hurts much more. I've taken steroids to shrink it, the strongest antibiotic and i'm on my second codine of the day and nothin' is making that baby come down.

If this picture looks like nothing, please... show up at my residence and i'd be happy to let you peer down my throat because mother fucking god... this hurts like hell!