Great Faces, Great Places...

South Dakota.

Sort of get lost here. Sort of step into the city and time just stops for the weekend, but goes entirely too fast.

I love being home, and i have to tell you there have been about a million things i've seen over the past few days that, all the while thinking about how to put these things into words, because it would make such a nice little story.

funny how writers think. this is happening now...how can i make it sound interesting on paper?

But at the moment, i'm forgetting.

So some short blurbs about the trip thus far...

I sat in the MIDDLE seat in the very back of the airplane on my way back. Way hilarious...

My mom is so much fun when she drinks.

My brother, not expected to live past the age of 12, just graduated high school today. I got a little glossy eyed. I'm so proud of him.

I got to hang out with an 11-week-old and two-week-old baby tonight - actually held both at the same time - i wish for twins someday.

Home makes me want to start a family. Immediately.

Found out I am to be the godmother of my cousin's first born boy that is due over the next three weeks. I am so honored - and so freaking excited. guess it pays to be confirmed catholic, no?

I fly home and will be in denver at 5:30. Hoping to hang out with some good friends. Also hoping that my people that are subjects for my column will get back to me so that i don't miss deadline tomorrow night.

little bit stressed about this... but - i'm in a california king with a sheep rug thing and yeah --- can't really complain too much about that.

Hope all of you had a pleasant yesterday, tomorrow, today. [i love the phonics].

tell me about it, stud.

Jigga WHAT!?

I came across this.

And...what?!

when did this happen?

Apparently he died November 12, 2003. Where was I? Probably in Lame ass Communication Law Class.
Was he a druggee? or... what?
Not that i was a hardcore fan or anything --- but i do remember him from SeaQuest and

*GASP!*
Neverending Story Part 2.

oh...

suck. here's the skinny

:-(

Webcam at work...

My boss hooked one up so we can talk to each other over the computer in adjacent rooms.
Really funny because he's really tired today.

I can take webshots.

Me picking my nose.


Showing off the new shoes. Meow.


now you put those SHOES with my couch, and hot damn! You've got a sexy time!

Growing up...

Well... I called him.

Not really with the intentions i had set forth yesterday. I was driving around looking at apartments, waiting for the current boy to call to hang out and had a sneaking suspicion he was going to end up staying home.

So i called the puzzle boy while waiting (totally not right). He picked up right away.

"Hey! What are you doing."

"Uh... sitting on the toilet."

"Alright then!..."

"Yeah... well i wouldn't have known you called. (laughs). How are you?"

"Fine. What are you doing tonight?"

"I don't know... why?"

"Oh - i was going to see if you wanted to hang out with me."
[it wasn't insinuated, but i'm sure there was a tone of "hang out" meaning "have sex."]

"Well - i have to get up really early for work tomorrow."

"What time?"

"Five."

"Well, i'm not going to make you hang out 'til 11 or anything."
[hi... the guy i'm dating now works at 5 every day and still hangs out with me 'til late. *humph*]

[long pause]

"[sigh] I appreciate it... but i probably shouldn't."

"Ok...Ok. [pause] You shouldn't because...?"

I think he said something like... "i don't want to pick up where we left last time" but it was mumbled, and when i asked him what he had said, he retorted with, "Oh... i just got home from work...really long day... pretty tired."

"...Alright. I mean - i can understand that..."

"Yeah. I'd really love to hang out with you, actually...
i feel like i'm backing out of some bullshit here, - i'm not. Cause there's no Bullshit."

"Right."

[pause]

"OK then... well have fun sleeping!"

I can't believe he said NO!

Apprently my new aid to fixing my feeling of rejection is to go shopping.
So i headed straight for the furniture store and set myself up for financing for a brand new leather couch and antique tv stand/armoir thing.


It was totally worth the $1117... and the feeling of being so adult. WOOHOOO!!!!

But i suppose my little phone call to the ex kind of dumbs my age down a bit, don't you think?
Maybe the maturity comes in me not crying about it. It was bad news anyway.
Atleast I got it out of my system...

for now.

Hobbies of a 63-year-old woman

I've never actually been in love.

But I do remember when i was 21, my big sis from my days in Pi Beta Phi (oh... sorority girl! SHOCKER!) told me when you're with the right person, you fit together like a puzzle.

I didn't get what she meant. I thought...It feels good lying next to someone in bed. Period.
But lately i've been seeing someone while thinking about a previous someone else while i'm sleeping next to him.

That whole puzzle scenerio... couldn't have been more correct.
There was some guy that would lie there while he let me use his body as a pillow...but no reciprocation.
Another one was cozy but just not... it.
Another guy would roll over clear onto the other side of the bed because he couldn't stand being touched while sleeping.

I actually thought that i enjoyed these sleeping habbits as well, until i met the second to last guy.

I remember one specific time when this last one had called me while i was in Ft. Collins and asked me to come over. I was ultra suprised because his daughter was in town and i wasn't expecting to see or hear from him at all.

When i drove back to Denver, around 10:30 that night and arrived at his home, i couldn't wait to jump into bed with him.
I'd compare it to arriving at a big suprise party, then suiting up in sunwear and doing a cannonball into a nice, chilly pool on a 110 degree day.

There was always an entanglement, from head to toe, that was so comforting and non-claustraphobic. Our bodies fit together so well...just like a puzzle.

And i really miss that.

So much so that i've been playing with the idea of calling him up...not with intentions of going 'back' to it... but getting my puzzle fix.

Any thoughts?

I'd appreciate some opinion here.

Wow...

I thought the porn aspect would get ya'all, but apparently you're all a bunch of tightly-closed flowers.

How was everyone's weekend?

I spent the majority of it in bed. Or... sprawled on the floor of my living room with a big fluffy comforter and the AC on full blast - Then spent some time around a lot of people who were fishing for details regarding my personal life.

Suprisingly, i'm pretty tight-lipped about such things.
(who'd have thought?)

btw.. the word of the day is - TIGHT.
what's the first thing that comes to your mind?

Life is good. Colorado is GREEN - and i have a full-sized fruit pizza (home-made this evening) in the fridge.

Hit up some live music. amazingness -- newly linked on the side. check this girl out.

liked her instantly when i found out we both hail from rapid city. she's adorable, humble and a hell-of-a-performer. AND she's on iTunes.

Love love love her.

Met a guy on friday that works for... i think it's the 'comic book industry?' -- or something heavily involving star wars...

sort of reminded me of blonde version of kevin erm... what's-his-name that directs all those kick-ass movies and stars as 'silent bob?'

met a lot of cool people this weekend actually. also found out some friends of mine are meeting the gogo's this friday. all hail. that is so fucking awesome.

everyone else's life is much more interesting than mine as of late - and this is fine diddley ine with me. :-)

i'm flying home on friday for my brother's graduation.
after the recent trip to phoenix... i'm definately packing a lot lighter.

i think this week will be a good one...

Shameless

Since readership has dipped so low, i'm going to have to dip down low right there with you and offer up some dirt on my week.

Because it's been dirrrrrrty!

I'm sad to say on Tuesday, I lost my job. I don't really want to go into the details, but i'm dealing marginally well.
I flipped through last weeks Westword and answered an ad for "Adult XXX - Great Pay, Benefits - No Nudity."

I showed up for a call.
They wired me up with hair extensions (which i wish i had a picture of because it looks really hot -- but my battery on my camera is dead) and then sent me off into some guy's bachelore-pad living room.

This was already looking shady. (duh)

"Ok.. so what you gotta do is strip down and sit over there on the arm of that couch."

"Uh... the add said no nudity?"

"Well, you're not nude...technically."

No... I suppose, not technically. There was some vinyl in some places... and i guess that extensions went well over my breasts. The guy there let me tape my nipples just in case, but now i'm sort of affraid it's just going to look like i have some abnormal-ass breasts.

So i Sat. I sat, pretty akwardly. And watched some pretty questionable people get it on on the couch I was sitting on the very edge of.

I wasn't really sure why i was there. Decorative couch piece? Must have been, but i can't imagine it'd turn people on much to watch this video and see me just... sitting there.

Which is why i got creative and started touching myself very blatantly.
It actually ended up being pretty hot.

Plus, i made $300.

I won't go into details, but i'm currently financing this really sweet couch i've wanted since January.
And i can safely say, nobody will be getting their freak on this one.

------------------------------------------------

Of course this is complete bunk...but don't put such raccous before past me. - though it wouldn't be publicized.

I did, however... meet someone on Monday. I had actually been thinking about him sporadically while in Phoenix...wondering if anything would come of it. Hollaback, girl. This shit ain't bananas b-a-n-a-n-a-s...

It's a nice change-up from the regular routine.

Mostly in that he's an absolute sweetheart to me and not affraid to show it. Around anyone.

Sufice to say, after a very difficult week... i'm a pretty happy kid today.

And... I have fullfilled one of my LIFE GOALS:

1. have a musician write a hit pop song about me.

The more i listen, the more i'm pretty sure i don't like it, though i'm still stoked about the above.

The music is great [i wish i could post the audio for you]. vocals are really smooth and... well.. you have to give him credit for sneaking it into my possession at the phoenix airport... i figured it was just three other songs about a bunch of other girls - so i just tossed it aside and didn't give it a listen until last night.

When i saw a track four on the player, I knew what it was.

Granted, the song is mostly about him... it's about us ... and it feels like he took my biggest flaw at the time and wrote it into a catchy pop song.

This is a sign of talent. I think...?

"Somebody Else's Problem"

It's somebody else's problem
It's on somebody else's time
It's somebody else's broken heart
Please just leave me alone with mine

Nobody can tell you anything
When you're hanging on a little too tight
Somebody tucked you away and left you with nothing
So doesn't that make it alright?

To say it's somebody else's problem
It's on somebody else's mind
It's somebody else's torn-up family
I've got all I can handle with mine

With so much talk about progress
It's something so hard to believe
How the whole world can sparkle and shine so bright
And nobody ever forgets about me

Until then it's somebody else's problem
It's on somebody else's dime
It's somebody else's terminal condition
I just wanna be alone with mine

You're not punishing anyone but you
By hanging onto what he said
And if you do things the way you always do
You're gonna get what you always get

And if it's somebody else's problem
If it's somebody else's crime
Nobody else is gonna give you their heart
And when it's too late to change your mind

You'll be somebody else's problem
Hanging on somebody else's line
Another banged-up, but beautiful girl
Who couldn't let it go in time

------------------

I'm over it.

Oh, The Horror

05.06.05
home, sf

dear matty....


is nothing sacred?
first, i fake sleep on the couch at age 5
and hear my mom tell my sister to go get
all the christmas presents out of the trunk of her car.
next, at age 12, it's revealed to me that it is actually
apple juice in the jack daniels bottle that david lee roth
drinks from every night on stage.
then, this whole ashlee simpson lip syncing thing vacuum
seals all the joy out of my world.

now today, i am dealt yet another crushing blow...

were you guys aware that dear abby is made up?

yep.. that's right.
hold each other tight, brothers and sisters.
the whole thing is fake. a rouse...
there is no "grammatically correct in pennsylvania".
no "steaming mad in sturgis".
and "wondering in woodbury doesn't really give two
dollops of shit what dear abby's definition of maturity is.
can you believe it?
oh, the horror of it all..

what next??

bottled water... not really from a glacier?
the president... a lying, manipultive puppet for big business?
coldplay... just alternative rocks' overrated answer to five for fighting?

oh, my friends, i have precious little left to tear down.
and it's in these times of great emptiness that i'm sure abby would have been a great comfort...

but that safety net is gone.

and i guess i'm just gonna have to pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again.

signed, SMARTING IN S
[matt nathanson]

****bum-dizzel.

direct your hate here.

Oi.

I so need to be paid way more than i make.
I've taken on about three times as much work as i was hired on for.
It's like i'm on an internship.
And it's very difficult to fullfil certain projects when i have to constantly take care of other ones...

oi. oi. oi. oi. oi.

such is my rant, albiet a short one. this has been racking my brain a LOT lately...


Chaotic sucks, ya'all. Britney's annoying and Kevin is a fucking moron.

that's all.

i can't believe i'll never get that hour of my life back...

ever.

well, maybe when i watch america's next top model finale.
cause yeah... that's better.

Shut Up!

Iy yi yi yiiiiii! You want your dog back?

We get the PETE'S BACK!!!!! Apparently, they're releasing season one on dvd. BOOYAH! That rocks.

This, of course means....
Pete's Dancing Tattoo
Ellen.
Artie... the strongest MAN!... in the woooorld.
The ice cream truck guy.
Lawn mowing Galore.

I'd say this is right in time for summer.

YAHOO!!!!

Now they just need to bring out Hey Dude and....
The secret World of Alex Mack.
hahahaha. anyone remember Seventeen?

Weird News Wednesday

Ice cream vendor punches complaining boy
Associated Press

PITTSBURGH - Throwing a punch at a boy complaining about the cost of his cold treat has landed an ice cream vendor in hot water.

Nazzareno Didiano, 44, was placed on probation and ordered to attend anger management classes after a trial Tuesday over the May 2004 incident.

The boy, now 14, told the judge that Didiano attacked him as he sat on his bike just blocks from an initial confrontation. The boy testified that Didiano pulled him off the bike, punched him in the face and slammed him into a wall.

Didiano acknowledged confronting the boy, but denied punching him. He said the boy had used various obscenities.

"He instigated the whole thing," Didiano said. "I wanted to tell him I didn't appreciate being talked to like that."

Didiano, who was found guilty of simple assault, lost his job with Paul's Ice Cream Co.

sam: it's a small price to pay for rocky road and pistachio!
-------------------------------

Son Finds Exposed Coffins At Chicago Cemetery

CHICAGO -- A man visiting his mother's grave at a Chicago cemetery said he found deplorable conditions.

"I run up on stuff like these here -- coffins pushed up to the side, all open, foul odors coming out," said Sidney Clark. "I'm seeing coffins open, I'm seeing a lot of dirt that has been moved -- the coffins are not even 3 feet in the ground."

Staff from WMAQ-TV in Chicago saw at least three wooden coffins sticking out of the dirt at Homewood Memorial Gardens, with the plastic-shrouded bodies visible inside. They reported that concrete burial vaults were clearly exposed as well.

On the ground on a hilltop, there were dozens of grave markers askew and stacked in rows. Clark said for three years, he's been trying to find his mother's grave, to no avail.

"If she was living, if she could talk to me now, she'd be glad I'm doing this right here," he said.

A representative of the cemetery tried to show Clark the approximate spot where his mother is buried, Rogers reported, but the grave was not marked.

As for the exposed coffins, maintenance man Rudy Casillas said he's in the process of layering the area where Cook County morgue bodies are buried in pauper's graves. He said after that, the grave markers will be restored to the ground above. Casillas also maintained that the coffins have only been exposed during that process.

"See, this is just erosion," Casillas said. "We have coyotes that come and just dig -- animals and stuff like that."

When Rogers asked if the three coffins he saw sticking out of the ground were buried, Casillas answered that they were.

Cook County Medical Examiner Edmund Donoghue, whose office buries about 30 people a month at Homewood Gardens, said he will send a representative to inspect what Rogers found. Clark's sister said she has retained a lawyer and wants her mother's body exhumed to determine exactly where it is.

The cemetery assured Clark that his mother is not in the area where the graves were found exposed, but Clark said he is not convinced.

"I think they are wrong -- totally wrong," Clark said, adding that he thinks his mother is buried in the area where the coffins were exposed.

*Distributed by Internet Broadcasting Systems, Inc. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.*

sam: the son said he is sueing to find out exactly where his mother is... but that she'd be proud of him. anyone in chicago getting visits from some bizarro woman ghost??

---------------------------------------------------------------

Man's best friend beheads bestowed
Wife killed in chainsaw accident
By Chris Millar, Evening Standard
5 May 2005

LONDON: A woman was killed and virtually beheaded in a horrific chainsaw accident when her husband was knocked off a ladder by the family dog.

Roland Pudney, 56, had been using the chainsaw to prune bushes in his garden when the puppy ran into the stepladder while retrieving a golf ball, causing Mr Pudney to topple over.

His wife, Pauline, who had been holding the ladder steady, was killed instantly when the blade sliced into her neck.

Mrs Pudney, a health and safety officer for Lewisham council, had been holding the base of the step ladder because she was concerned about the possible dangers involved.

It had been thought Mr Pudney had simply slipped, but today he told the inquest at Southwark Coroner's Court that he had been knocked from the ladder by the couple's puppy.

The dog had been fetching a golf ball thrown for it by Mrs Pudney in the garden of their £300,000 home in Eltham.

Sobbing, Mr Pudney told the court: "I started cutting then I just heard a bang and the next thing I remember I was lying on the ground."

At first he had no idea what had happened, but then he saw blood pouring from his wife's neck wound.

Pausing frequently, he said: "I could see blood. She was lying there. She was not moving. I could see that she was hurt, I knew I had to go to the phone." Paramedics arrived but were unable to revive the 57-year-old mother of two.

The tragedy came as Mrs Pudney was considering retiring to spend more time with her husband, who had recently left his job as a company director.

He said: "When they let me back to the garden the next day I saw a golf ball under the branches and I just knew what had happened."

Coroner John Sampson recorded a verdict of accidental death.

sam: accidental, shmax-idental. i smell foul play... beastiality, i tell you!

--------------------------------------

Chlamydia Strikes Penguin Colony
Sat May 7, 2005 11:11 PM BST

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - A mysterious outbreak of chlamydia, a bacterial infection which humans pass to each other through sex, has killed a dozen penguins at the San Francisco Zoo, a zoo spokeswoman said on Friday.

The illness turned the zoo's Magellanic penguin colony into a disease hot spot, sparking fatal respiratory distress and kidney failure that struck down 12 of the birds.

The illness that befell the zoo's "Penguin Island" was not sexually transmitted, officials said.

"We suspect it could have something to do with the gulls and their droppings but it could have been something else," zoo spokeswoman Nancy Chan said.

Fifty-five other penguins survived the outbreak, which zoo officials believe started in late February.

The outbreak was the second Penguin Island mystery to stump zoo officials in recent years.

The zoo's penguins in December 2003 began swimming nonstop in circles after six new penguins were introduced to the colony. Normally the birds occasionally splash about in their pool. They went around and around until mid-February 2004.

"Even when the pool was drained they would walk around in circles," Chan said.

sam: just because a guy wears a suit, doesn't mean he's free and clear. WEAR A CONDOM!

----------------------------

Teenager trapped in avalanche of peas
10 May 2005


A bored teenager was trapped in an avalanche of peas when he and two friends forced the door of a shipping container at an Ashburton seed company yard.

Ashburton District Court was told yesterday that Benjamin Jordan Hylands, 17, used a cigarette lighter to burn the plastic ties securing the closed shipping container.

As he opened the door, peas flooded out onto the ground, trapping his associate up to his chest.

Police, fire and ambulance staff had to use a forklift truck to rescue the boy, who had minor injuries.

Hylands appeared yesterday before Judge John Bisphan and admitted a charge of recklessly damaging the peas belonging to South Island Seeds.

He was sentenced to 200 hours community work and ordered to pay reparation of $200, half the value of the damaged peas.

Police prosecutor Graham Hall said Hylands, a 14-year-old youth and a 16-year-old associate were in the Ashburton industrial area on the morning of April 10.

Hylands told police he was bored and had nothing to do.

sam: who knew eating your vegetables would land you in an orange jumpsuit?

Well then...

This site has taken a turn for the gutter as of late.

no one's reading.
but i haven't been really posting quality shit.
sorry.
i've been busy.

and even more sorry because i'm leaving town tonight and am leaving my little laptop buddy behind.
a... men.

so i best come up with something quality today.
so that ya'all dont' totally abandon me.

what would you like to hear about?
sex?
scandal?
past regression?
celebrity gossip?
my debate on maple syrup?
stuff to do...


i thought about concluding the granny panty story -- but i think i'll wait until next week.
mwa ha.

ha.

back in two and two.

Stumped.

I have to write a deal on something i don't really have a huge opinion about right now.

Sort of like, if someone asked you... "You want a brownie... or chocolate cake?"
although my choice would differ based on my desire for moistness on a particular day, they're both chocolate. and chocolate makes mouths happy. [wait... that's twizzlers]

The topic is marriage, and while.. yes... it's a definate go for me...i'm not on a crusade to find mr. right right now.
i'm trying to think of hmm... what the fuck have i experienced to make me want to get married?

i honestly can't imagine loving someone so much to want to solidify that in a mass commitment (ah! scary!), nor can i imagine someone loving me with that returned uncondional caring.

wierd. not totally unfathomable, but it's sort of hard to make a comparrison when you've never been granted the opportunity from someone outside of your family.

with divorce rates at what... 1/2? There is a 50% chance you'll be divorced? Suck... why bother?
because you can't have sex til you're married, honey!

ha.

hahaha.

Arg

I am in the most horrible-ist grumpy mood right now.

Had a great weekend.

House of Wax (Scurry!)

Rented out a Scooter until tomorrow (99$ cheap!) - spent pretty much all weekend on it.

Caught up on some Gilmore Girls [still waiting on three more dvds to take to Phx-town with me].

Bennifer (part deux) is...expecting.

Biked in the Mountains with Suzy.

Ate bison burgers in the wierdest town i've visited in awhile...

Saw a burlesque show and boys from penny pony ride RAWK it in women's lingerie (picture to come)...as well as Spatula (very odd... but tons of fun).

Got hooked up by APPLE with a new airport (my iTrip busted...) - the port is sooooo much better.

Didn't pack for phx .... at all. gotsta do laundry and the like tonight. boo.


Wish people would stop raggin on ashley simpson's new do. i like the edginess (it's her) and the color.
Seriously... let's visit "The Evolution of Ashlee's Hair":

[last photo courtesy trent.]

Change is great. Why would you want to stay the same allthe time...?

i'm out for a fabulous monday at work.
and some scooter love.
love, scooter, love.

Home Sweet Home

So i've been thinking...

The person you marry should feel like home.


You hear it referenced in movies all of the time [Zach braff did it twice in Garden State.]

Naturally, this makes sense. You walk around naked, fart, cut your toe-nails in that really strange way that even your mother would shy away from... all in front of this person. this new 'home.'

It's no wonder people marry people that are so simliar to themselves.
How many times have you seen those couples that look eerily like brother and sister?

Of course you have complete opposites, 'because opposites attract,' but i can bet you that even though they dissimilate vastly on their appearance, interests and hobbies... their mom/dad's are fairly similar and/or they grew up in the same sort of environment.

And then you have the military brats.
They move all over... do they move from relationship to relationship in the same fashion?
Or are they opposite and get stubborn... sticking to that relationship because they don't want to leave their new found security or best friend?

Do you feel 'at home' when you think of home? or do you feel... disheveled, akward, wanting to escape?
how did you grow up? how did your parents raise you? if you do feel akward... have you really ever experience feeling 'at home?'

I guess the answer lies in the definition ofhome:
1. A place where one lives; a residence.

2. An environment offering security and happiness.

3. The place where something is discovered, founded, developed, or promoted; a source.


Wouldn't this mean that if someone ends up getting together with a wife-abusing dipshit, or someone that constantly barades them for being who they are or what they do... and they great up in an abusive home...wouldn't this be home to them?

If security and happiness were never promoted... then how are those people supposed to find someone that's good for them? By relying on the morals and situations that were developed andpromoted at such an early age?

Based on def. 3, yeah... but security and happiness (2)? I don't think i'd feel so great about it.
Then again, i started my life with a deushbag dad who left my entire family at a young age. I learned early that this behavior was not acceptable.

I don't doubt that finding a nice, stable home for myself has been somewhat more difficult because of this...
but i also don't doubt that the reinforcement of a great step-dad and a strong mother somehow made the playing field a little more fair.

As i'm sure there have been things in your life that have changed up your rules/operations when seeking for a potential longterm partner.

Realizing this when dating makes the whole ordeal a lot less painful, and a little less complicated.

Not that you aren't granted some fun time, but when it's over, and you ask yourself, 'are they home to me?' and you follow up that quesiton with a direct 'no' response, you pretty much have no room to sit and torture yourself about lost love and heartbreak and shit... because they weren't right for you anyway. The only option is to pick up your bags, and move on to the next potentail house.

But if you are just 'playing the field should you be looking for those who represented playmates at recess (no, i'm not talking about child molestation)?

Maybe go check the monkey bars or that oversized truck tire**. I'm sure you'd find some great shit in there.


**how fucked up was it to make us play in those things? ... SERIOUSLY?

New Years at Sputnik

totally didn't even know these existed.

But am laughing my ass off here at work.






Best for Last:

Is it me...

Or does Kelly Osbourne look pretty HOT in this photo?



Also, did you know....

Today is special, because 05.05.05 comes only once in 1000 years and coinciding with Thursday (5th Day of the week) comes once in 7000 yrs??

A Fatal Necking!

An unusual death as two giraffe males fight to the bitter end.

28 December 1999

On Monday the eleventh of December, two male giraffe were seen fighting on the clearing in front of Galago Camp by the resident ranger, Ephram. After a time one of the males broke away from the engagement and tried to escape further injury. He was immediately pursued by his attacker and knocked to the ground after a devastating blow to the neck. The fallen giraffe tried to get back onto his feet but was repeatedly knocked to the ground by his attacker.


After repeated attempts the fallen male managed to get to his feet and immediately tried to escape. Once again he was caught, attacked and knocked to the ground, where again he suffered a severe beating from the advancing male, who eventually killed him.


Such behaviour is very rare amongst giraffe. Males may often be seen sparring with one another but this seldom ends in a serious fight. Incidents such as these have been recorded in Namibia, where males have kicked other males to death, once they have been knocked to the ground. I have never heard of a male giraffe killing another by repeatedly beating it with its neck, until dead. The only reason I can think of such an encounter to turn deadly is there must have been a female in the area, which was in season. The attacking male was noticeably older than his deceased counterpart, as can be seen in the photographs taken of the two males, who looked to be coming into his prime. As giraffe do not show territorial behaviour, this is the only feasible reason I can think of for such a scenario.


Graham Cooke
-------------------------------------------------------------------

And you thought i was talking about hickeys... didn't you! DIDN'T YOU!?!?

The Legend of Granny Panty

Today's Episode: Laundry Day

Today is day. In land, this is cause for celebration for miss , for today is her day on the . All hail the . For today, she is . , . Representin' - Thugs 4 Life. While all those other , , and other tantilizing boudoir are getting tossed around in the delicate cycle, is sitting snugly on your . Today, is keeping Hayley's warm. Meet Hayley: "Hi! I'm Hayley." She's hot... but unfortunately for , she has a date with James, the very same day as day.


Meet James: You can only imagine when goes in for the kicker... he's going to encounter a bit of a suprise. But he doesn't know this yet.


And so, The date starts off with a . Their friends even took a photo to capture the joyous occasion: They look , don't they? Off to the they go. Skipping all the live-long day. is enjoying the adventure. She likes nice, warm .




"Oh Hayley. I"m so happy for our first date!"



"As am I. I bought this dress special from quilting nuns in the Sudan"



"Lovely! How do you like my hat"


"Oh, Rexy... Yuu're So Sexy!"


"Indubitably!"
The date was going so well... almost forgot about her s.




This made very, very . And so... she decided to make a special appearance.



"That drunk bitch is ungrateful for my granny pantyness."




What Did Granny Panty Do?
It's Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Time, Kids!

If you want Granny Panty to knock Hayley off her barstool, exposing Hayley in her Granny Panty glory, choose page 83.

If you'd like Granny Panty to use one of her secret powers to embarass and humiliate Hayley, choose page 32.

If you'd like Granny Panty to wait to expose Hayley until a more inopportune time, choose page 52.


It's your choice, kids. Join us next time for...

THE ADVENTURES OF GRANNY PANTY!!!!!!

*[seriously, vote here... and there will be a new adventure... even better than the first!]