Cliff's Notes

Hahahahahahahhaa.

Ha.

I just found a "Cliff's Notes," summarizing a lot of Bands in Denver.
Whoever wrote this is pretty funny - and dead honest.
I love brutal honesty



Band #5 –"dave matthewsish" - not from here – no local draw
Band #6 – local solo – have no friends
Band #14 - old people with no friends
Band #37 - very average local band with shitty attitude

There's good stuff, too --- Very talented local artist with decent draw, great performer, awesome promoters --- great drinking crowd, etc. etc. etc.

Shit flies around so much in music - but It made me think... How nice would it be if you could just get a Cliff's Notes on EVERYTHING in life - so you didn't waste time and money.

I mean, I could read What Color is your Parachute - Which I've bought, but it's about as think as a 8lb brick, and I don't feel like working that much to try and find my calling --- but if someone could make a Cliff's Notes I'd totally buy it.

Think of the possibilities.

Cliff's Notes on:

Diets:

Atkins/South Beach - Impossible - you'll eat your hand, then gain 20 lbs after you eat one bagel.
Grapefruit - Works, but you'll turn orange
Cabbage Soup - Healthy, but you'll turn green
Juice Fast - Will hit head on towel rack when you pass out in your bathroom after 2 hours













Ex-Boyfriends (names are changed. DUH!)

Daniel - Leo - world revolves around - center of attention - Penis has been in places I never want to know about. V. manipulative and convincing - if you choose to stay with this one, you will go through the same arguments on a regular basis (see: every 6-12 weeks).

Carlo - Egomaniacal Italian - Ignores reality so does not have to deal with consequences - runs away when confronted - frequent in bed, but horrible skills, small penis for such tall height. Other fuck-buddies will call WHILE you are having sex with him.

Alexander - Hot. Really Hot. Absurdly, cream your panties hot - but selfish in bed (read: You will never orgasm), aside from the cuddly sleeping (which is very nice), has same problem as Carlo, but you are able to be more accepting, as he is so hot.

Drew - Loving. Supportive. Puts you on pedastal and does/says lots of nice things for you. Great in bed, great member -
But jealous, insecure - raging insecure. You can be with him - and be happy, but you'll have to dumb down your greatest assets so he doesn't feel threatened/jealous. You will also have to stop being friends with other males.

I wonder if peeps started keeping tabs on all of these things, everything would get better. Maybe if we all stopped dating shitty people, they'd take the hint and realize they have to shape their shit up.

Or maybe if musicians knew that they were really awesome but had too much of the silver-spoon disease (i.e. Axel Rose, Howie Day), then maybe they knock off the shitty attitude and work on their flaws.

Or everyone would just be fighting. Maybe we'd actually keep the focus on America instead of trying to start wars in other countries?

Or maybe people should live where i live and realize that ignorance really is bliss. What you don't know, doesn't hurt you --- but i suppose it doesn't really make you better, either - and that blows ass.