Oh gawd...

I was awakened {awoken?} today.

My creativity - and it all started with some lame show on A&E about restructuring a home up for sale to be more appealing to buyers.

I'm painting, stripping my great grandfathers old desk for a more natural feel - and even added two new members to my family:

Fern and Ivy. (ha...)

Took a long drive and listened to loud music - in a huge oversized sweatshirt (inherited from my favorite boy) with the windows down and my hair blowin' in the wind. In that moment, I felt secure... completely content and in a great state of mind.

Then my boyfriend got in the car and knocked my favorite artist.

So i combatted the negativity by dancing around my living room like those shadow people in the iPod commercials like it's going out of style and even though i've had a series of non-encouraging job interviews, listening to britney spears right now somehow makes me feel ok.

Ok... not britney, but I'm all motivated to go back to get my masters, live life, buy a minicooper, my baby blue vespa and a hot man. I think it's crucial to remember what you thot when you were growing up regarding career, life and love.

What I know:

I've always wanted a sweet apartment across the hall from a really hot, witty, smart, great-smelling (though i don't smell) man, a sweet car (jeep, maybe?) and a dog. And that vespa moped. It was that simple> I've seen myself marrying around 26, having a first child by 28, and leaving the rest up to fate.

I want to write a book, have Oprah bust it out to her book club and have it shoot to the top of book charts. Well-earned success --- famous, but not overtly so.

I want to go to culinary school - be a pro chef (fun!).

I want to open a publishing house in LONDON and live in the flat above with my hot lawyer husband in pin-stripe suits.

And I want to be a mom/housewife who refurbishes/paints/decorates/makes pretty things prettier at home. All. Day. Long.

But how do I GET to those things? because early-twenties SUCK ASS!

Can i hear a "HELL YEAH!?"

What Do i have to do to inhabit my time until then?

Search Craigslist religiously until I find a job that will actually pay me what i'm worth - that won't make me hate my life....

So I've been looking, and placing my resume online as well.

What happens when you do this?

Oi.

Trusting, South Dakota ME puts my resume online, (with my phone number) and i SWEAR to GOD - i got the following phone call on Saturday Afternoon:

Me: Hello?
Man: Samantha?
Me: May I ask Who is calling?
Man: Paul... You were looking to work with exciting new people?

Paul goes onto tell me he is looking for a Personal Assistant - I would be "on Call" and he would begin paying me for my time "Right Now."

Me: Uh... don't you want to meet me first?
Man: Well - tel me about you - you have a nice little voice, Sweetheart.
Me: {Pauses} Well, I'd kind of like to know more about you since I know nothing and you want me to start working right this moment.
Man: {Laughs} Ask me anything you'd like, sweetheart?


Note: I hate when boss-type men call you sweetheart. I am not your sweetheart, asswipe.

Me: well... uh... what are you looking for someone like me to do as your personal assistant?
Man: Well... for example... My last assistant - say - I don't have a girlfriend right now. So... if I'd get excited... I'd call her and she'd *suggested*talk to me. Do you understand?
Me: *Click*

Fucking nut jobs.

I'm never getting a job. So i'm going to whore myself on the LoDO Bar Market, because yes, I have a bachelores degree, but other than it looking real nice in the frame on my desk, I'd probably make 5x as much money giving some frat boy a drink.

There it is. If you know any sweet bar/restraunts hiring, leave it here - so i can go harass them with a pretty face.