home...sweet, home
I tend to think a lot while driving back home to the BLack Hills.
with six hours, an ipod and nothin but open road, you tend to get your thot process going on a pretty thorough level.
Even when i get pulled over twice for speeding within a two-hour span (ha. lucky me... only got one ticket).
THis time... i thought about all of the times i've sat and cried about how fucked up i am. what's wrong with me? i'm this way and that way because of such and such and it's never going to get fixed, because i just can't do it.
well fucking fuck THAT logic. it was all a matter of being around the wrong people.
i'm seeing no reason to keep 'bad' things around anymore. for those of you who are wondering or not wondering why we're not talking... this is why. i finally get it - and if i understand, there's no need for me to explain things to you... you're never going to change, anyway... and i really think the chunk of my life i've devoted to trying to believe that you will is time enough for me.
Most of this decision has come by self-observation. Another, is someone i've met... i don't need to keep my gaurd up (which hasn't been let down once to a man in my 23 years) in fear that i'm going to be hurt or mistreated. feeling comfortable is nice.
tomorrow is the baptism of my new godbaby Willem, my mom's birthday... fathers day --- and with all of the great things happening tomorrow... the one i'm looking most forward to is that my boy will be here, at my home... MY HOME in South Dakota - tomorrow night. weee...
who knew i was such a sap? i didn't...but i don't mind it so much.
what i do mind, is going back to denver. i wish i could just come home for two weeks or so with no plans and just veg. i think i'm going to call my boss and see if he wouldn't mind me staying an extra day...
plus then i can get a companion to roadtrip back to colorado with me...
with six hours, an ipod and nothin but open road, you tend to get your thot process going on a pretty thorough level.
Even when i get pulled over twice for speeding within a two-hour span (ha. lucky me... only got one ticket).
THis time... i thought about all of the times i've sat and cried about how fucked up i am. what's wrong with me? i'm this way and that way because of such and such and it's never going to get fixed, because i just can't do it.
well fucking fuck THAT logic. it was all a matter of being around the wrong people.
i'm seeing no reason to keep 'bad' things around anymore. for those of you who are wondering or not wondering why we're not talking... this is why. i finally get it - and if i understand, there's no need for me to explain things to you... you're never going to change, anyway... and i really think the chunk of my life i've devoted to trying to believe that you will is time enough for me.
Most of this decision has come by self-observation. Another, is someone i've met... i don't need to keep my gaurd up (which hasn't been let down once to a man in my 23 years) in fear that i'm going to be hurt or mistreated. feeling comfortable is nice.
tomorrow is the baptism of my new godbaby Willem, my mom's birthday... fathers day --- and with all of the great things happening tomorrow... the one i'm looking most forward to is that my boy will be here, at my home... MY HOME in South Dakota - tomorrow night. weee...
who knew i was such a sap? i didn't...but i don't mind it so much.
what i do mind, is going back to denver. i wish i could just come home for two weeks or so with no plans and just veg. i think i'm going to call my boss and see if he wouldn't mind me staying an extra day...
plus then i can get a companion to roadtrip back to colorado with me...
posted by Sami Jo at
1:19 AM
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