Mr. Green Jean and his Lawn Service Can Shove it

You would think, in times of chaos, you would take care of the surface things so that people wouldn't think you've entirely lost your shit.

But when I get slammed with work/life/12 huskies/whatever...I tend to the most important thing and leave the other stuff for later.

(some of that other stuff being my lawn).

I haven't done well this year with landscaping. I planted about 9 new bushes, and put up a few flowers here and there. Then it dried out for about 2 weeks (we’re talking 105+ degree heat) and to much effort in watering and very rare spouts of rain, everything turned brown and died, save all of the shrubbery on the east side of my house, because - I'm guessing – there's some secret growing compound in air conditioner freon - or some nice cool shade really does do the trick.

Now, I'll admit... with taking care of so many babies, I didn't always have the time to put forth on making sure some bushes lived through a drought. In fact, I'm pretty sure my negligence to my backyard will actually payoff, in that all of the natural canine fertilizer deposits over the last few months had to have some impact on the growing process.

But I do have to commend mothers that work full time, then come home, clean, mow the lawn, cook dinner, put kids to bed, etc. etc., yet still make their home look beautiful and make that job look like a big fat piece of cake (mmm... chocolate cake...).

Anyway...
It isn't easy. And this isn't an editorial on women's lib or how we should be paid as full-time moms because it is just as much work (if not more) than an 8-5er down in the city.

No, this is mostly a message to all of the lawn catering services out there (threw ya' for a loop there, didn't I?). Because every time I'm tending to all of these other 'mom-like' things - I don't really have time to stop for an hour and mow my front lawn – nor do I have the patience for some drive-by service to judge me on my bad lawn habits

I live in a 'quaint' neighborhood on the southeast side of town. I don't have the funds to install some $1000 sprinkler system to do it all for me and keep everything green. I don't have the cash to pay some lawn service $50+ bucks a week to come make sure everything looks 'pretty' on the outside, while my real life isn't so pretty on the in.

Yes, the surface is crap, but if you check all the important things, shit is taken care of!

So instead of leaving me eight fliers a week in my mailbox about how great and efficient and detailed you are about tiding up my lawn, and making it look gorgeous for an albeit "small" fee - why don’t you substitute that service for cleaning my house, feeding my pets, grocery shopping, getting an oil change, cleaning my car, organizing my closets/garage, then giving me a massage every night – because then I would have time to FUCKING MOW MY LAWN!