Clarity

No no... i'm not about to chime in with some John Mayer. It's so funny... i've been out of commission since late Tuesday night with a heinous case of Strep Throat (doctor said it's the biggest Tonsil he's ever seen! haha). At first, I thought it was a curse of the election results, but i'm not thinking that so much anymore... because that curse has come in later days as I honestly haven't been out of my apartment since then, except to hit up the doctor on Wed and Fri, and i've heard my fair share of election strife and whining. Urghh...

I think the word you are looking for is, "anyway..."


Rather... this week has allowed me to figure out one of my life's main mysteries, without even really trying. I'm not sure if it's all the vicodin i've been doped up on (in which case, maybe i should have done a slew of drugs in high school/college) or the fact that i haven't eaten anything save chicken noodle soup and some honeyed bagels since wednesday (for which i would have to attribute all clarity that i have recieved thus far to the Dahli Lama, because he really has something figured out with all this 'fasting' business)...

*deep breath...long sentence*

...but I think i have finally solved all of my problems in the, 'woah is me... what the hell is up with men' department. Not so much 'woah is me' anymore, as there's nothing much to 'woah.'

This has been a strange six days, considering i haven't gone anywhere...and i don't usually have so much 'man' energy around (especially when i'm totally diggin the single girl, free-of-drama lifestyle), but this is my week as follows:

Sunday night (Halloween) was an all inclusive and traditional, "Denver's First Snow." Who do i get a phone call from? Amazing... boy i haven't even heard from in... hmm... 6 weeks. Even after i left him a very pleasant message on his birthday. "I'm sorry it's been so long... i really wish it weren't this way... if you have it in your heart to call me, i'd love to hear from you."

I call. He comes over. We hang out... watch "High Fidelity" and drink lots of hot chocolate with those cute marshmellows that melt in about 30 seconds flat. Cool time... and just the thing i needed to decide this guy is not quality, and not worth my time (harsh).

Rule #1: There are men out there that purely want just sex from you (duh). Which is actually pretty infuriating (not because of certain women's lib historical shit, but more because you only get that 'oh, i'm feminine and cherished and treated all lovingly' for about... a day). It's pretty clear when you don't get a phone call from them within a few days. But... do you really need to be so obvious about it? You're really not that hard to figure out. We know what you're doing, and when you actually DO get sex, it's because we said so.

Tuesday, I'm supposed to go have pizza/play pac man with a friend of mine in Denver (newly made). We made plans MONDAY night to go out TUESDAY. I have documents. I text him Tuesday night around eight to ask if he still planned on goin? He says "Oh.. i'm so sorry. I can't make it, but i'll explain it all to you tomorrow."

Since he's been such a genuine, oh-my-gosh GREAT friend (totally needed) for the past ... month and a half (even while in another state), i didn't even question his motives. I simply said, "Hey, no problem. I hope everything's ok."

Later that night, i found out he had to meet up with a girl to talk about 'what they were' and he had talked BEFORE we made plans to talk to her, then decided at what time AFTER he had made plans with me. I hate being blown off.

But i blew off my attitude about it, and decided to inquire as to how his job search was going. Turned out he couldn't talk because he was at his new girlfriend's house. Wtf? So... i see...

Rule #2: If a girl says she doesn't want to date you, EVEN AFTER YOU'VE PURSUED HER FOR A MONTH STRAIGHT (heavily) and then to save face, you tell her, "oh... me neither...uh..yeah!", you just saddle on up to the next best thing, in hopes of making said girl jealous? MMmmk... too bad that didnt' work. I'm actually really happy for him. But i'm irritated as FUCK that it had to be all hidden and shuffed away so i just 'wouldn't happen to notice.' You should know me well enough by now to know that i wasn't going to judge your or be, in the slightest, bothered by you finding something that you actually wanted all along. Don't lie about it though! Must suck being so co-dependent.

Rule #3: It's also no use to hold on to a boy that you always thought you'd end up with someday. Not that i haven't already let him go, but shyeah... i find it a nuessance that we both have to find sheepish gestures to try and get in touch with each other and talk about whatever the hell there is to talk about... which is mostly... nothing. Regardless that things still feel a little 'unfinished' on my end, but you take what comes your way in life. I only wish the best for him, and hope he's doing kick-ass, cause he sure kicked mine into super smitten mode. He's someone who i will forever set the bar as top-notch kid when it comes to my 'suitor' in the near to distant future.

Rule #4: Don't settle for attention from loser guys. Haha... I'm just as bad as the rest, and love the occasional attention... crave it even. But there are too many quality men out there to sit around and put up with unintelligent, half-assed efforts when you could just be putting up with yourself.

*i think these may apply to 'friends' as well as potential relationship partners... just so you know i'm not TOTALLY picking on men... just a frame of reference ;)

Also, upon deliberations over the past month or so... i decided that i can't find it in my heart to totally drop my best friend/ex. I really, really think it's going to be neccessary one of these days, but dammit! I just found out i'm going to get to see him in a month or so and i'm in the best mood i've been in for awhile. Plus it's his birthday and i don't get to bake him cupcakes like last year. hahaha. Go by his site and leave him some love. He's OLD today. mwahaha

I need to STOP talking. i know i'll inevitablly regret all of this... After all, i've said i'd never talk about 'personal' shit on here, but some of this was just too good to pass up...plus there's some passing out to do, and preperation for the most killer job interview that i've ever been excited about in my life tomorrow afternoon. Man, i'm hoping a million fold i get this...