Musings

Thinking a lot lately... mostly about pregnancy and babies because everyone around me is with child. i think it may be the new 'it,' in cool [kind of like arfy dogs as handbags - see: paris hilton; tinkerbell, britney; bit bit, lindsey lohan and her equally slutty canine companion], and my friends... i am soooo not 'it.'

but it's good to have 'it' around because i feel like my problems are belittled. how can i possibly bitch about petty things when people are planning futures for teeny tiny human beings? i suppose i think about it in matters of sex...a lot, actually... but i have a specific plan of how i want things to go, so i'm going to try as i might to let them happen that way [no, i'm not being controlling... i'm just in control].

is it a universal rule that when one aspect of your life starts improving, another must go terribly to [bit] bits? i'd like to say the answer is no, because it seemed a month or so ago, i had mastered both major fields of sami-dom [love and career] and was peechy keen. then there was that incident with the computer... and the next few weeks at work were very trying [for other reasons, all inclusive]... but the whole relationship stuff... fucking kicked ass.

now that work has gone back to awesome... the love hasn't faded... though it feels like it's a little on hold. granted, the hot project is busy with a retarded amount of things... i'm still granted mucho attention and love, but eh... feelin' like maybe it's on its way out. and if it is, why am i so worried about it? not.

when it comes to people...each one you choose to place in your life brings out a different piece of who you are.

maybe ashlee simpson really did have something goin' with 'pieces of me.'

or...maybe i've been watching too much mtv.

so when you get married... are you to wed the person that brings out:

a. your favorite you, therfore reminding you of how great you are all of the time?
b. the most of you, therfore allowing you to like all of you, regardless of goodness/badness?
c. the deepest part of you that even you can't figure out, therefore allowing you to better understand that part and portray that better to those around you.

what the fuck.. i'm confused. because i'm so different around each person in my life right now... which doesn't really make sense because i'm 'me' all of the time...no frontin'. why are the only people i bring out 'all of me' to relatedin some sense...?! [with the exception of ONE person, who know's who he is].

when do i get to meet this one person that is going to solve this equation?

and when i do...can he please be: handsome, funny, motivated, warm, childlike, responsible, willing to take care of my ass while still letting me be independent, great in bed, a fabulous father, non-needing me as his mother/crutch/support post...but maybe a stable consious and unquestioning guide, listener, loyal, supportive, dedicated, successful, fun, adventurous, spontaneous, clean/organized, great style sense, with big hands, sparkly eyes, wild hair, old-school glasses, big, clumsy feet, tall, perfect teeth, and willing to wash my hair once in awhile?

i've heard if you put out what you want... it comes back to you.

so here's to my future husband *clink*

[crap... i've become one of those people]