Thursday Night Date Night!
Some rely on a gut feeling. Others, on faith. But some get superstitious and carry around rabbits feet, love potions and...
A magic 8 ball.
Me? Well...I go to bed before the after-hour funfests even begin, so i stick mainly to dreaming up my ideals, rather than dealing with the real-live quality men available to me in downtown Denver bars.
So, boys and girls... once again, for your enjoyment, another CraigsList post...this week: semi relating to dating, but mostly... just really hilarious blind hope in an inatimate object.
Behold:
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My Magic 8 Ball Lied to Me. Again.
Reply to: anon-21637173@craigslist.org
Date: Wed Dec 31 11:10:47 2003
I'm starting to think that maybe, just maybe, this "magic" 8 ball thing might be a scam. I am highly doubting the magical powers of my 8 ball at this point. It has given me some really bad advice. For instance, a couple of months ago I asked it if I was going to meet someone and fall in love within the next month and it told me "You may rely on it". So I did. I relied and relied and relied. I'm all relied out because I've only met two guys in the last couple of months and they were both total and complete dicks. Strike one, Magic 8 Ball.
Exhibit number two: I asked the Magic 8 Ball if I would get the flu this winter and it told me "My reply is no". Armed with this prediction, I blissfully ignored all those flu shot offers. Did I get the flu? Boy, howdy.
I cursed my Magic 8 Ball with every curse of the English language as I lay dying in my bed from the fucking flu. Strike two.
Example number three: I yet again consulted my Magic 8 Ball regarding a man I work with. Let's call him "Fred".
Fred is approximately 75 years old and should have retired years ago, but continues to work just to torture everyone at my office. Fred is the man who told me that I reminded him of a Swedish woman he used to have sex with, except that she only had one leg. Fred is the guy who gave me a cigar for Christmas because he was "dying to see me smoke it, heh heh". Fred has not left the Stone Age yet. Last year at the company Christmas party, Fred got wasted and tried to feel my boobs. Not wanting to repeat the experience, I asked the Magic 8 Ball if he would fondle me again this year. My 8 Ball assured me that "All signs point to No". Bullshit is all I can say. Mr. Fred did so fondle me, while breathing his disgusting vodka and cigar-reeking breath all over my neck. STRIKE THREE evil 8 Ball.
I'm thinking of bringing a lawsuit against my Magic 8 Ball and the makers of it. I have even more proof that it is wrong, because I just asked it if I was pregnant and it told me "It is certain". All I can say is, unless Jesus is coming back, that is impossible because I haven't had sex since October. STOP MOCKING ME, MAGIC 8 BALL. Burn in hell.
Anyone want a used and slightly dented Magic 8 Ball?
A magic 8 ball.
Me? Well...I go to bed before the after-hour funfests even begin, so i stick mainly to dreaming up my ideals, rather than dealing with the real-live quality men available to me in downtown Denver bars.
So, boys and girls... once again, for your enjoyment, another CraigsList post...this week: semi relating to dating, but mostly... just really hilarious blind hope in an inatimate object.
Behold:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My Magic 8 Ball Lied to Me. Again.
Reply to: anon-21637173@craigslist.org
Date: Wed Dec 31 11:10:47 2003
I'm starting to think that maybe, just maybe, this "magic" 8 ball thing might be a scam. I am highly doubting the magical powers of my 8 ball at this point. It has given me some really bad advice. For instance, a couple of months ago I asked it if I was going to meet someone and fall in love within the next month and it told me "You may rely on it". So I did. I relied and relied and relied. I'm all relied out because I've only met two guys in the last couple of months and they were both total and complete dicks. Strike one, Magic 8 Ball.
Exhibit number two: I asked the Magic 8 Ball if I would get the flu this winter and it told me "My reply is no". Armed with this prediction, I blissfully ignored all those flu shot offers. Did I get the flu? Boy, howdy.
I cursed my Magic 8 Ball with every curse of the English language as I lay dying in my bed from the fucking flu. Strike two.
Example number three: I yet again consulted my Magic 8 Ball regarding a man I work with. Let's call him "Fred".
Fred is approximately 75 years old and should have retired years ago, but continues to work just to torture everyone at my office. Fred is the man who told me that I reminded him of a Swedish woman he used to have sex with, except that she only had one leg. Fred is the guy who gave me a cigar for Christmas because he was "dying to see me smoke it, heh heh". Fred has not left the Stone Age yet. Last year at the company Christmas party, Fred got wasted and tried to feel my boobs. Not wanting to repeat the experience, I asked the Magic 8 Ball if he would fondle me again this year. My 8 Ball assured me that "All signs point to No". Bullshit is all I can say. Mr. Fred did so fondle me, while breathing his disgusting vodka and cigar-reeking breath all over my neck. STRIKE THREE evil 8 Ball.
I'm thinking of bringing a lawsuit against my Magic 8 Ball and the makers of it. I have even more proof that it is wrong, because I just asked it if I was pregnant and it told me "It is certain". All I can say is, unless Jesus is coming back, that is impossible because I haven't had sex since October. STOP MOCKING ME, MAGIC 8 BALL. Burn in hell.
Anyone want a used and slightly dented Magic 8 Ball?
posted by Sami Jo at
11:38 PM
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