Did I do and say those things? Yes...Yes, I did.

Double WHAMMY

2007-01-26T14:15:00.000-07:00

I've started a new blog HERE

bookmark it, babes: http://samagram.blogspot.com

lots of good things to come... and hopefully at a more frequent pace (JINX).

DAMMIT!

What the hael?!

2006-12-30T15:28:00.000-07:00

k... i have new favorite reading material over here with Mr. Rob Sheridan... most notably this entry. hahahahaha.

Also in his realm of writing/art/hilariousness:
*"The First (and Second) Annual Stupid MySpace Haircut Contest" (snide witicisms always a plus in my book)
*Population Paste: A column for making fun of everything pornography... (i still can't talk after the penis enlarger video as I can't get over how into himself and the hobby of 'pumping' the guy is in the video). hahahaaha
*GISB: where he and his REALLY COOL GIRLFRIEND make fun of google search items.

Enjoy - and oh yeah, one more thing...
Upon surfing, i crossed this - and please tell me - what the HELL is this?!

The Simple Life + 1

2006-12-07T09:56:00.001-07:00

I'm a closet Simple Life Fan - (was). Stupid hos, stupid scenarios - but Nicole Richie is f'ing hilarious.

Here's a quick review:
Season One: The girls shack up down south on a farm.
Season Two: The girls travel cross country in a motor home, earning their way to get to cali.
Season Three: Interns. The girls travel around the northeast sector of the country staying with families and spending two days at a time working for big-whig (and not-so big-whig) companies as interns.
Season Four: Short season (8 episodes), semi required by contract... The girls play "housewife" (pregnancy, cooking, kids, make-overs, etc.) and alternate on every-other-day schedule, as they refuse to work with each other.

I downloaded two of the eight "Til' Death do us Part" episodes, consequently the first and the last.

From the "Good Luck, BITCH" Cookie to the impersonator feud, i'm more than convinced the entire the entire thing was an ultimate prank and media stunt to sell the season. I call bullshit - and wait resolution in a fifth season (silent 'woohoo'.

Here, Paris has sent in a hollywood impersonater (as she did not want to go to work) - on the wrong day - Nicole takes advantage of Natalie (the imposter) and when Paris gets word, all hell breaks loose:

Thoughts? (I'm sure know one cares. but this is a lot lighter than most recent posts. Plus it's super hilarious).

Personally - I would have loved to see a bitch fight...

**Speaking of Paris impersonators - there is a girl pretty infamous on YouTube for creating multiple character videos - such as Gwen Stefani, Jamie Lynne Spears, Paris Hilton, "Little Loca", and more under the usernames: therealparis, stevieryan, littleloca, iLLUmnati etc.)

She was even on foxnews (i came in late on the boat, but still found it interesting enough to waste an hour on the YouTube.com). It sounds uninteresting at first, but you start going through all her stuff and it gets pretty entertaining.

Stevie Ryan is an aspiring actor in L.A... and pissing tons of people off on the web (ha). You can check her out at www.myspace.com/lovestevie, www.lovestevie.com. The majority of her personal stuff is actually pretty cool: very retro/50s - very french. Very old time.

(Samples: here, here and more creativily (my favorite): here

Here's a mock of paris - and a somewhat smarmy way of insulting everyone who's been giving her shit. :):

San Francisco

2006-12-04T10:54:00.001-07:00

Slideshows to come.

Here are just a few of my favorites (thanks to Sara and Tom for driving my ass around so I could see all of this!):

Lombard.

The Wharf.

Awesome Trees!

St. Paul's Cathedral

Bay Bridge/View of Downtown:

Golden Gate Park:

Nightime on Overlook (better one comin'):

i am in trouble...

2006-11-24T00:27:00.001-07:00

I spent the majority of my trip home today listening to loveline on my ipod (my car outlet was missing, and i had no blank cds), sipping on non-drousy Robutussin and wishing home was only 3 hours (200 miles) from Denver, instead of 6.

Upon arrival, I felt more at peace and at home that I have in the last six weeks. I feel like i'm leading two lives, and the person I slip back into when I return to South Dakota (suprisingly) is so much more... real.

I knew when I moved back to Denver, my way of going about it was anything but ordinary.

I pushed my time out here at home as far as I could, then left all of my things... and MY home, and took off with clothes, some all important bedding and a big, comforter-sized box full of my personality.

Or so I thought...

My past 5/6 weeks in Denver have made me feel so unbelievably unsettled. I've grown into the roll of a gypsy that has some things here, a few more things there, then continually wondering where the hell I left my keys 10 minutes ago. Dispite all this, I've been content getting along with all the people that filter in through my day to day (non)routines.

I wanted something different. I wanted to treat my second venture out into the career world as "serious business woman in the big city" somewhat like college: I bring my most favorite neccessities, get a cheap room - then make the rest up as I go.

Check. Check. Check.

Work has been a challenge. I've slowly been trying to prove myself to a group of people by working through my frustrations/ wall-coliding problems on my own by pulling from the outrageous amount of emotional work experience I endured over the past year. I've been getting better... I'm still trying to find my exact fit...

It's gotten to the point now, where it's not "What do I want to do?" or "Am I doing the right thing?"

No.

This time it is about who I am. I'm really starting to trust myself. And i've been sitting on a lot of passions/ideas that I really plan on putting into the action in the near future to really make sure I tell the world exactly who that is. I don't feel like maybe i'm doing the wrong/right thing... i'm just doing my thing - and know that I can do it however I want because it's my life, i only get once - and "whether I can or can't, i'm right" and finding i'm capable (and will be capable) of a lot more than I thought I would be when I was dancing around in questionable limbo.

I'm feeling good in that aspect. Damn good.

But as for feeling at home -- feeling whole -- feeling really, really good in my surroundings - this has been lost. And when I finally got home tonight at 11:40p.m. (Thanksgiving) - I walked into my home, full of my things, and realized I did not, in fact, pack my personality and comfortability into that large box -- it all was left here.

I gave my house a hug, turned on some heat, and set up the spare television in my room... and this feeling that I'll be able to sleep soundly - awake content, and walk around barefoot on shaggy carpet and clean pergo floors - has made my entire month of november.

I can see this being a real problem when I have to go back to Denver on Sunday... a love affair with a house. Who knew my great loves in life would have nothing to do men?

Things to Think About:

2006-11-13T21:36:00.000-07:00

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and two cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas betweenthe golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the liquid into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - God, family, children, health, friends, and favoritepassions -- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else -- the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "There is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never haveroom for the things that are important to you."

"So...Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always roomfor a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

When Life Hands You Lemons...

2006-11-08T20:46:00.000-07:00

You make novela lemonade:

I've just come up the stairs to my apartment with dinner, large workload and an appetite for all things carbohydrate - this is, of course, not before walking around downtown with a grocery bag filled with 20 (yes, 20) lemons.

It's not my sour attitude. Just a quirky little thing from today that would slide nicely into the pages of a book...

Every time something horrible happens - a disagreement, me crying, me talking about why i'm crying, i got lost on the way to point B, I have no money til Friday, Etc. - i have one person that always tells me, " Jesus, Sami - Zach Braff isn't around with videocameras and his screenplay for his latest movies! (which btw, wasn't that superb)."

And every time they say this, I laugh a little, because I'm not a generally dramatic person - though their reaction and concern to all things involving them would suggest otherwise.

When I'm hurt - I hurt big because I have a big heart, I'm sensitive and better to get it all out at point of impact, then let things build into mass destruction. I give room for second, third, fourth chances, and while I think most logically about situations, my genuine need to care and faith for betterment always get in the way.

As I get older, I grow increasingly fond of the mentality that you should keep it to yourself and wait it out, honey - because you'll feel better in the morning."

And I always do - because Since the age of three I've been saying, "It'll be O.K."

I'm finding, lately, I'm having to pull that three year old confidence back out of me to support myself in situations not unlike the person I used to say this to when I was so young, but so wise.

There are a few ironic things "about last night":

1. a certain someone's birthday that connotates all things relating to this event
2. it all started over two measley minutes of music.

Being part writer, every time i see something happen in my life, I pause in my mind to write out the event in the best, most elaborately placed words possible so that someone else may later share in my occurance - all in those quiet moments before I fall asleep.

But last night, I spent a good hour trying to figure out how I could unwrite 120 minutes.

The funny thing about it all is this is who I am. I don't need a Zach Braff, and I don't need someone to constantly barade me about it. What's funniest thing about all of this, is the person always declaring that I act like I'm always in front of movie crew - has never read a damn thing i've written.

And so I say, don't knock it til you try it - because all's fair in love and war - and I still haven't written my book yet...

Socks

2006-10-12T01:55:00.000-06:00

I remember in 7th grade, the hip thing was to have every kind/color of sock possible. You can ask MMM - because along with being one of my major music influences and one of my best 7th grade friends - she was the hip chic wearing the sweetest socks in town.

I must have convinced my mom that i really needed new socks, because I went through a phase where I had rainbow toe socks, bugs bunny socks (which were awesome because they had tread on the bottom in the shape of bunny feet), heart socks, christmas tree socks, pumpkin socks, santa clause socks, green socks, yellow socks, blue socks, red socks, every damn colored sock under the sun.

Then I entered my obsessive work out phase all through sophomore year of high school through the end of college and all my color got wiped out for white - mostly because, when your feet get sweaty from running, they turn whatever color of sock you're wearing - and since I'm Irish and pretty much the color of fish belly - it made sense to stick with plane jane mcgee.

I attained a pair here and there along the way -- one pair of maroon fuzz socks from my Big Sis in pi phi that i wore til they were completely holed out - then some netted tights that i made into thigh highs after my butt got too big for the britches (ok... i bought a small on accident, instead of a large for my big girl butt).

I've stolen a pair of green fleeces from my mom, and my aunt lisa left my very favorite pair (really, really ridiculously THICK grey socks that strech up to your knees) at my first apartment in Denver when she helped me move all of my giant "Bitch Pieces*."

Now I'm left without - and so I generally go for flips - but now it's f'ing FREEZING outside, and now I'm reminded of how much I love shimmy-ing across my hardwoods/tile floors in big, wooley socks.

So just like everything else in life that makes me happy, I want more.

And beecause it's winter, and it's perfect weather for scarfs, cute coats, mittens and yes... SOCKS!

Along with this obscenely boring subject (i was GETTING TO THE POINT!), I also remember doing a "pretty panty exchange" with all of my aunts/cousins/sisters/friends when i was young.

You recieve a list of girls names on a list in the mail, and the top most person gets five pairs of pretty panties on you. It may sound like a lot, but when you only have to do it once (you may get cycled back through...) - it's really not a big deal.
"
So *ahem* -- MY POINT: I'd love to revive the "Pretty Panty Exchange," but rather than panties - I'd like to exchange socks - and I'm calling the gesture... "Winter Socks Appeal."

If anyone is interested, please e-mail me for details/instructions, and we'll get this bitch started.

Don't deny the socks, people. Because if you do, I'll just start it on my own with family i know that will participate, and you'll miss out on FREE SOCKS!

It's a fun way to spread the karma, and get cool stuff in the mail.

And who doesn't love getting packages?
I know your toes do...

*[Bitch Piece: (n): really obscenely akward or heavy furniture that is a "bitch" to carry up three flights of stairs (ex. 1950s desk, 1980s tv entertainment center, queen-sized, wobbly mattress).

In a Sentence: "Let's go with the Bitch Piece!" (followed by grunting and extreme lack of motivation because you're laughing so hard.]

gorgeous breath, darling.

2006-09-12T20:49:00.000-06:00

i have the best breath ever
After an entire onion and peppers. mmmm.. who wants a smooch?

sort of a good analogy for my day though... foul smelling, yet sweet?

I can say in the entire 20 years that i've not had the opportunity to fratrinize with my father, i've never actually had someone come up to me and talk about him directly.

If anyone outside of my family circle wonders why it's so impossibly difficult for me to let you love me or break down my giant road blocks, here's a little help (and for those of you that always stick around no matter what - you're the best ones, and i love you to the bottom of my toes).

I went through that whole heartbreak/hurt thing at an extremely young age. Twice.

One: Our phone line at the house I grew up in used to cut in and out during conversations - a routine a currence, and nothing to worry about. I remember one time, when I was 4 or 5 it cut out while I was talking to my dad and I cried an entire river into the kitchen. Granted, I cry a lot, but I thought since the phone cut out - it meant he was gone forever, too.

Two: At 9, I was clued into the actual person he is and it sickened me that I spent so much heart, hope and unconditional love on such a horrible individual. I tend to get blindsided most of the time and once trauma hits, it seems that worst case scenario seems inevitable.

Matter of factly, for any of you that know me, it makes all of my relationship choices over the last four years pretty clear as sunshine - and today sort of made it a little more clear to me, as well.

It seems the older I get, the more I learn about this... and it's never really great information. I never talk about it because i don't really feel like it's my story to tell.. i was just a spectator. But I'm sure if I called Loveline, Dr. Drew would be all up on the "how's the relationship with your father" bullshit.

Albiet things have turned out in the best way possible. I have the strongest family unit, the best step dad and great opportunities because my family (firstly, my mom, my brother and every single one of her 6 sisters, 2 brothers, grandparents, cousins) has shaped me into who i am.

Living in Rapid, I get "Oh you're a Lien. Who's daughter are you? are you a Sister?" alllllllll the time. All the time. And I welcome it openly, because my family rocks, and anyone who knows them is well aware of this.

But today, I had someone ask me if I was my father's daughter.

What....?

"Uh. Yeah."
"You remind me a lot of him."
I'm not one to skip over and avoid an akward subject - so I put my best 5-year-old tendancies to work and asked, "How?"
"Oh, you just do.."

That's like saying "i have really big news!" and then not disclosing the fucking daily.

"Ok..."

Granted, this guy had no idea. Apprently they went to high school together... my dad was some hot shot track star... Great runner - hated the meets and stuff ("Just because i'm good doesn't mean i like it" ideology).

My curiosity was peaked... I didn't know anything about him - and some total stranger walked in and started telling me about someone who was probably a cool guy before he dropped into my mom's life.

He asked me if I still knew where he worked (as any logical human being would asked). I said no (lie).

"Yeah, i really only see him once every few years or so," this man replied.

"Well...," I paused... "If you see him, tell him I said hi. (no, wait. lie)."
"Oh, do you not see him very often?"
"No."
"That's too bad."
"Not really..."

Insert foot in mouth (not a lie, but still should not have been said).

He stood there for a second and I could see the wheels turning - thinking he should probably not have said anything, trying to sum up of what the last 20 years could have possibly consisted... He stared at me for about 30 dead-silent seconds and then without saying anything, just walked out of the room.

I half wondered if I should have just avoided the topic completely, or held onto this unbiased individual a few more minutes to gather some more information. But to tell you the truth, I'm still wondering how I remind a total stranger of someone I don't even know. Seeing as how he has no idea who I am, and that I look just like my mom... I have to imagine it's some bizarre surface mannerism... but it never answered my question.

I've already made my decision on whether or not i'm interested in some sort of relationship with said father... but that curiosity still sits deep in my gut... and I have this itching feelin he's going to come round in the next five years or so...

**sorry if i made anyone uncomfortable. had to get that out, cause it's been racking my brain alll damn day.

Really?

2006-08-31T09:02:00.000-06:00

Every morning I walk into work, our cute little office girls are always chatting up the latest broadcast on Discovery Health/A&E/ABC. I’ve heard it all: people with no bottom half of the body that still function, bizarre murder investigations and now... that Rapid City would end in 30 minutes if the Super Volcano at Yellowstone National Park were to finally erupt after 630,000 years.

My First Thought?
My Family is all here?! What If I move and I loose my whole family? What is my strategy? Crap, I really shouldn't have bought a house here... Oh my gawd!!!!

So good way to start the morning, right?

Time for some research...

This "special," titled "Last Days on Earth" was featured on ABC's 20/20 (clue #1) had me wondering, so I stopped in online to check it out.

Aug. 29, 2006- What could cover the globe in ash, plunge Earth into an ice age and end life as we know it?

The answer is found in what lies beneath: supervolcanoes. Supervolcanoes are very rare. There is no need to run out and buy duct tape and plastic sheeting for this one. The last known supervolcano was about 74,000 years ago. But they are real, and one potential supervolcano lies right here in the United States, in one of America's most profound areas of natural beauty.

Just 20 miles beneath the earth's surface lies a pressurized ocean of molten rock looking for a way out. And a massive release of that molten rock would create a supervolcano - arguably the largest natural disaster humanity would ever face.

Unlike regular volcanoes, which are shaped like mammoth cones, supervolcanoes spring from massive canyons - calderas - that measure hundreds of miles across. Underneath their surface is a vast lake of lava. When the underground liquid rock - magma - bursts forth to the surface, a series of violent, massive explosions could occur in a wide-ranging eruption that could last several days. It would incinerate anyone within a hundred miles, and layers of ash would blanket much of the earth.

"These eruptions are so big that you couldn't really see them, because you couldn't be close enough to the volcano, watching it and survive. You could watch it from a satellite and you could see the volcano erupt and see the ash cloud begin to spread," said Michael Rampino, geologist and professor of earth sciences at New York University.

The ash cloud would become so thick it could cover the sun, causing global temperatures to plummet.

Scientists say such an event wiped out almost the world's entire population 74,000 years ago, when a supervolcano erupted in Toba, near the Indonesian island of Sumatra. Only a few thousand people survived.

Supervolcanoes are little understood by scientists. Their underground canyons of molten rock are immensely vast, making their potential starting points hard to identify. It has been only in the last decade that scientists have started uncovering these deadly hot spots around the world, but they still don't know where they all are.

So far, scientists have identified nearly 40 possible supervolcano hot spots, including one right in our own backyard, underneath Yellowstone National Park. Scientists estimate that the Yellowstone area will experience a supervolcano eruption approximately once every 600,000 years. The last one occurred more than 630,000 years ago.

So how would we know a supervolcano is coming? And is there anything people could do to stop it or limit its destruction?

"We haven't seen a supervolcanic eruption, so we're not sure about what we will see," said John Grattan, a volcanologist (clue #2) at the Institute of Geography Earth Sciences at the University of Wales. "But one of the things that we would expect would be increased earthquake activity, an increase in the small geyser eruptions that you get in Yellowstone."

"The bottom line is that when one of these eruptions occurs,, it's going to be a global disaster," said NYU's Rampino. "The only question is when and where."

[I spot 3 grammar errors and two different spellings of Supervolcano(e) (clue #3)...]

20/20 puts out another hard-hitting journalistic piece!

Congratulations! Yet again, you're scaring millions of TV Viewing Americans (clue #4) (P.S. That Britney Spears Special was real classic, too). that fail to watch any other bit of news into believing that they could probably, maybe, potentially die in the very near future... especially if you live in the surrounding areas. Christ, people... start watching Project Runway on Wednesday nights instead...

So I thought...Ok... 630,000 years. That's a lot of years. Mathematically, we've got the 2006 years (current) After Christ, then 630,000 - 2006 years = 627,094 years before, there was a Massive Volcano eruption at Yellowstone... So what, they've kept track of ONE major Yellowstone supervolcano eruption in the entire SPAN of time?!

Scientists estimate that the Earth formed about 4,600,000,000. How many of those years were there men around? Ok... how many years were there intelligent men? Are they getting this from some guy that scratched a photo on the wall? If this is the case, then wouldn't that massive eruption have erased all the evidence?

I'm probably being really ignorant here... and some scientists have spent their life's work on this question. If one of them is reading this - can you clue me in, because I think 20/20 is full of horse shit.

Discipline

2006-08-25T17:15:00.000-06:00

I think i've crossed over to the bad side.

Depending on whichever way you look at it... I could also be deemed responsible.

Last weekend, I misplaced my visa check card somewhere in Philadelphia. Actually... I think it may have been near the border of New Jersey by the Ben Franklin Bridge whilst using this card to buy a Dunkin' Donut and Small Vanilla Latte for $1.90.

Rather than tucking the card back into my card case - i think i crumpled it up with the reciept and ditched it with the bag. I'm so glad i left a piece of me out there.

But all is not lost, because it was the new NEW card, while i still had the old OLD card and was still able to afford certain things (a hotel room desperately needed for myself and said boyfriend who had not seen eachother in a month+) as well as food, gas, and the other goods...

When I returned home, I ran straight to the bank, canceled my card, then ordered anew. Lucky for me, i've been reading up on "how to start saving" and all that other responsible adult stuff because that's what you do when you're an adult... and also when you're killing time during slow periods at work - and I had started to put some $$ away in savings.

Since I have no checks - i'm completely without check card, and nad no cash (save the 1958 $2 bill I mentioned earlier, but don't dare spend because it's worth at lesat $8), i wrote out a withdrawl slip from my savings account and walked out with $100 cold hard cash.

The first $7 went fast... I think on Coffee or something... and then a chocolate chip muffin and some gasoline for my scooter.

I headed to the grocery store two days later with $86 and some change, to arrive at the register with a total reciept charge of $86.99. I dug out the change, the cashier gave me a quarter. Cha-CHING.

Since I still have no cash, and have yet to recieve my check card, I went to Borders with Teresa last night and bought a coffee and brownie with quarters and dimes that I somehow scrownged together last minute.

Classy.

I'm fighting to stay OFF my reserve line until Payday next friday and stay spend free and thrifty. Let me tell you... by $14.84 check from waiting tables two weeks ago was a god send... so much so, that I think i'm going to spend about 1/3 of that on the new Zach Braff movie or Little Miss Sunshine with Steve Carrell***

But instead of getting some chocolate (which i'm really needed a lot of lately)... i'm eating what's left of my coffee ice cream (hagen daz)...wishing that today's friday was the next... because then I wouldn't be in this predicament.

***Did anyone watch The Office last night? where it's Carrell's Birthday? You best check something out...

What's it Worth to You?

2006-08-24T12:53:00.000-06:00

There's a time or five i can recall just nearly being caught masterbating... but i'm quick and sly and it's not like i'm embarassed i do it - but it is a rather private event, and not something i'd really enjoy having anyone sit in on... unless you paid me, oh... $50,000 a pop. (ha...a pop).

And while it's not my first option... sex toys are great. grand. wonderful. I'd guestimate every... oh... 4th american has one.

Would I talk to my mom about it?

Probably not.

But would I lie and say I had explosives in order to save face in my sexual gratification?

Ha...

Sex-aid excuse bombs with airport security
Man traveling with mother says pump is a grenade

Thursday, August 24, 2006;
Chicago (Illinois)
Crime, Law and Justice

CHICAGO, Illinois (AP) -- Cook County prosecutors say a 29-year-old man traveling with his mother desperately didn't want her to know he'd packed a sexual aid for their trip to Turkey.
So he told security it was a bomb, officials said.

Madin Azad Amin, 29, of Skokie, Illinois, was stopped August 16 after guards found an object in his baggage that resembled a grenade, prosecutors said.

When officers asked him to identify it, Amin said it was a bomb, said Cook County Assistant State's Attorney Lorraine Scaduto.

He later told officials he'd lied about the item because his mother was nearby and he didn't want her to hear that it was part of a penis pump, Scaduto said.

He's been charged with felony disorderly conduct, said Andrew Conklin, a spokesman with the Cook County state's attorney's office.

Amin's attorney told a Cook County judge Wednesday that Amin whispered that the component was a "pump." The guard misunderstood, and thought he said "bomb," according to defense attorney Eileen O'Neill-Burke.

"He told her it's a pump," O'Neill-Burke said. "He's standing with his mother. Of course he's not going to shout this out."

However, Judge Gerald Winiecki decided there was sufficient evidence for the case to move forward after the female security guard testified that she heard Amin "clearly" say the word bomb.

Amin is charged with felony disorderly conduct, which could bring a three-year prison sentence if he's convicted. Amin is due back in court September 13

He told the Chicago Sun-Times after the hearing that security officials did not give him a chance to explain the misunderstanding, that he would never use the word "bomb" while going through a security checkpoint, and does not consider a penis pump an unusual object to own.

"It's normal," he said. "Half of America they use it."

Copyright 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

Shocking...but Great.

2006-08-23T13:09:00.000-06:00

Something I've helped work on just a tad (barely, compared to the fam), but anyone in Rapid City knows this is a pretty huge deal (and really neat on all of the family's part for the company :-) )

***
Cowboy Hill for sale
By Dan Daly, Journal Staff Writer
RAPID CITY --
It is arguably the most visible undeveloped parcel of real estate in Rapid City. And it's for sale.

Nine Liens Partnership, a Rapid City company, announced it will auction its 370-acre parcel of land that straddles Cowboy Hill, also known as M Hill, on Oct. 18.The ridge runs from Rapid Creek near the former Federal Beef packing plant to Interstate 90. It looms over downtown Rapid City and much of West Rapid. In fact, Cowboy Hill and its neighbor, Skyline Drive Hill, form a ridgeline that divides Rapid City down the middle. For years, locals have referred to the lowland between them as the Gap.Of the two hills, Cowboy Hill is by far the least-developed.

There's a television transmission tower on top and a giant white "M" adorns its east face.

Otherwise, it's a mix of grass, pine trees and rocky ridges.

Cowboy Hill has been in the Lien family for 50 years, according to Stephanie Lien. Her real-estate company, VIP Properties, has joined auctioneer Martin Jurisch & Associates to market and sell the real estate. In addition, she's one of the Nine Liens.

The partnership is owned by the nine sons and daughters of Chuck Lien, co-founder and chairman of Pete Lien & Sons, the Rapid City minerals and building materials company.

Nine Liens Partnership has been involved in a number of business ventures over the years.

Stephanie Lien said the Cowboy Hill parcel was a gift from their father several years ago. Now, the Nine Liens want to return the favor, she said.

Chuck Lien and his children are buying out Bruce Lien's half of Pete Lien & Sons. Bruce and Chuck are brothers, and over the years, each has owned exactly half of the company. In the past six years, however, the brothers have struggled - in court and out of court - to end the partnership.

Stephanie Lien said proceeds from the sale will be used to help reduce Pete Lien & Sons' debt load associated with the buyout.

The auction, set for 10 a.m. on Oct. 18 at Rushmore Plaza Civic Center, will be done in an unusual fashion.

Buyers first will be given a chance to bid on nine smaller tracts ranging from 3 acres to 75 acres. Then, the same land will be offered divided into five larger tracts from 40 to 90 acres.

Finally, Jurisch will offer the entire 370 acres in a single parcel.At the end, the combination of bids that brings the best price will be accepted.She said it's an opportunity to give a variety of buyers a chance to come to the table.

The land, in the heart of the city, offers sweeping views of Rapid City and the Black Hills. The northern end of the hill abuts both residential and commercial property.What will Cowboy Hill become?

A few years ago, the Nine Liens Partnership hired Randy Fisher, an engineer with Designworks in Rapid City, to conduct land use research. His proposal included a mix of commercial and multi-density residential uses, including some clusters of homes and some single-family home sites on 3-acre lots.

"There are really a variety of different applications, from residential to recreational to commercial," she said.

The big white M, by the way, is on a separate parcel of land owned by South Dakota School of Mines & Technology Foundation. It isn't part of the sale.Meanwhile, land around Cowboy Hill property has been the focus of recent and future development.Currently, a development group headed by Pat Tlustos and Mike Tennyson are transforming the 20-acre Federal Beef property on the southeast corner of the hill into an office park named the Village at Founders Park.

Also, Century Development of Rapid City has plans to build a 96-unit condominium complex and other residential home sites on its 49 acres north of the Executive Golf Course.Lien said the decision by Nine Liens Partnership to sell Cowboy Hill was not an attempt to join the development boom in the neighborhood. In fact, she said, the land would probably have more strategic value if the Nine Liens held it until after those projects proceed.

"It was an independent decision, really, based on an attempt by us to help ease the burden of the debt load for Pete Lien & Sons right now," she said.

*****

Mr. Green Jean and his Lawn Service Can Shove it

2006-08-23T09:39:00.000-06:00

You would think, in times of chaos, you would take care of the surface things so that people wouldn't think you've entirely lost your shit.

But when I get slammed with work/life/12 huskies/whatever...I tend to the most important thing and leave the other stuff for later.

(some of that other stuff being my lawn).

I haven't done well this year with landscaping. I planted about 9 new bushes, and put up a few flowers here and there. Then it dried out for about 2 weeks (we’re talking 105+ degree heat) and to much effort in watering and very rare spouts of rain, everything turned brown and died, save all of the shrubbery on the east side of my house, because - I'm guessing – there's some secret growing compound in air conditioner freon - or some nice cool shade really does do the trick.

Now, I'll admit... with taking care of so many babies, I didn't always have the time to put forth on making sure some bushes lived through a drought. In fact, I'm pretty sure my negligence to my backyard will actually payoff, in that all of the natural canine fertilizer deposits over the last few months had to have some impact on the growing process.

But I do have to commend mothers that work full time, then come home, clean, mow the lawn, cook dinner, put kids to bed, etc. etc., yet still make their home look beautiful and make that job look like a big fat piece of cake (mmm... chocolate cake...).

Anyway...
It isn't easy. And this isn't an editorial on women's lib or how we should be paid as full-time moms because it is just as much work (if not more) than an 8-5er down in the city.

No, this is mostly a message to all of the lawn catering services out there (threw ya' for a loop there, didn't I?). Because every time I'm tending to all of these other 'mom-like' things - I don't really have time to stop for an hour and mow my front lawn – nor do I have the patience for some drive-by service to judge me on my bad lawn habits

I live in a 'quaint' neighborhood on the southeast side of town. I don't have the funds to install some $1000 sprinkler system to do it all for me and keep everything green. I don't have the cash to pay some lawn service $50+ bucks a week to come make sure everything looks 'pretty' on the outside, while my real life isn't so pretty on the in.

Yes, the surface is crap, but if you check all the important things, shit is taken care of!

So instead of leaving me eight fliers a week in my mailbox about how great and efficient and detailed you are about tiding up my lawn, and making it look gorgeous for an albeit "small" fee - why don’t you substitute that service for cleaning my house, feeding my pets, grocery shopping, getting an oil change, cleaning my car, organizing my closets/garage, then giving me a massage every night – because then I would have time to FUCKING MOW MY LAWN!

long time...

2006-08-22T22:17:00.000-06:00

it seems the writing gets fewer and fewer - which is actually really sad, considering it tends to serve as a great outlet.

i think the multitude of what i would write about now all include:
1. location, location, location.
2. relation, relation, relation(ship)
3. every other category...

i find the less i talk about it... the more clarity i get. so maybe i'll just keep it to myself and then write some small novela on all the goings on of the last 6 months in a few years or so.

i really am in a mood to just move around for a bit...maybe even take that european trip i've been talking about taking for, oh... 5 years or so.

but since i'm not really contributing to the gossip mill, i did have a little bird (us weekly, mtv and more) tell me that Cheyenne Kimball got punched in the face.

and the puncher was none-other than our good friend Joe's wife. Hee hee hee.
Team Michelle! i'm not so sure she didn't deserve some good sense knocked into that vacant blonde head of hers...

*****
Cheyenne Kimball Punched In The Face By Her Bassist's WifePosted on Friday, August 18 @ 06:39:36 CDT by MusicMan A source tells Us Weekly during her MTV reality show's wrap party on August 4th, Cheyenne Kimball was punched in the face by bassist Joey Clemente's wife Michelle, who was upset about Cheyenne and Joey talking to each other at Guy's in Hollywood. "She didn't like the interaction, so she punched Cheyenne in the face," the source revealed. "Cheyenne and Joey are friends, nothing more. The poor girl got assaulted at her own party!" Kimball's mother Shannon then had the woman thrown out of the event, where she was later seen crying outside the hotspot. The 16-year-old's rep told Us, "Cheyenne was caught in an unfortunate situation. She harbors no ill will." ****

She had a bad day.... but nothin's gonna stop her anywaaaay.

Strange M.O.

2006-06-29T18:50:00.000-06:00

Why are some people just born with the knowledge of those ONE or TWO Things they're extremely passionate about in life.

You have the Rachel Raes.... Emeril Lagassi's... Martha Stewarts.

"Hey I know, I want to be the most powerful black woman in all the land."

I don't know about drive and motivation to succeed, but these people somehow knew they were destined to be great in what they love from day one.

And i have that motivation.... and i will succeed, but i have no bloody idea in what.
WHy can't I have some sort of idea of what I want to really pour my life's work into?

No, when I was 7, I didn't imagine working in Marketing... compiling spreadsheet after god damn spreadsheet of information that a million other people that really love their jobs can use...

I am a computer master. I know the ins and outs... I'm fast, I'm smart... But just because I"m good at it doesn't mean I like it.

And so I'm left loving my life, but not loving the way I support it, and when I look at all of the elder people around me in my job and see how they treat their jobs (In just at 8, and flying out of the drive way at 5), it makes me sad because they'll continue in that pattern just doing what they do and not ever enjoying it.

I don't want to be one of those people....

I'm dying to fix as I enter into the second half of my twenties.
I just need some decidedness and followthrough... Help.

There she is...

2006-06-15T13:39:00.000-06:00

I"m taking a moment to update this sucker since i can't really cruise over here for short spurts of time during work to update this deal.

I finally have enough to do.

Yessssssssssssssssssssssss.

Plus, who really wanted to look at dead bodies right at the top there anymore?
not i, said the cat.

You know that second amidst tragedy where everything seems clear, no matter how dramatic it seems - and you can finally express every mood; ever word; everthing you couldn't express before?

Sure you do, because this moment is only periodic... and when it's so refreshing to have such a clarifying moment, then it is pulled out of your grasp just moments after you've settled deep into it's warm spot - you have remnants of this feeling.

It's overwhelming.
It's genuine.
It helps you make decisions.
And it's not really sad... but it's a little looming... and can cause terminal time spans of... numbness.

I've been stuck in this "moment" for about a week now... more teetering on the edge of it---

No...That's not right.

More, like this particular moment is a giant swamp of mud and my right foot is deeply implanted . Feels kind of good -Kind of gross.

I think anything luke-warm and squishy would do that to you.

But for all of you who wish you could hang out a little longer when you do experience this very glimmer of hope - i'm here to tell you that over-staying your welcome isn't exactly the cat's pajamas...

Other than that... i've been reading a lot.
of books.
mostly because i haven't been able to use my writing outlet... and I think, just like good chocolate - i've been in dire need of some good expression.

Inspiration.

Just some sort of driving force, because i really feel like crawling into the passenger seat and letting someone else take over for awhile.

Until a better day...

Body Worlds (follow up)

2006-05-31T10:32:00.000-06:00

I went.

I saw.

I walked around with my hand over my mouth in complete awed wonder.

Note to people thinking about going to this:
Do NOT wear high heels.

Yowch.

And this is old news, but ooooh. my... gawsh!

Moving on...

Try packing yourself into this exhibit with about 400+ people all at once.
I'm actually really glad I went alone, because I could weave in and out of each display fairly quicky and easily.

It doesn't really register when you're looking at the complete forms that this was once a living being. It's such a science project, and with the skin completely removed (i know... it sounds sick!), it looks more like some science construction.

Or, as it were... think back to 9th grade Biology when you discected a frog.

If you can handle that... you can definately handle this.

They had individual organs (contained in a glass case -- liver, pancreas), blood vessels (sealed in position in water-logged, glass containers) and entire body constructs that were completely touchable.

Each posed body showed off different things... a skateboarder, dancer, yoga... some guy stretching (fully relaxed) in the morning.... body splices (seperated into 8+ parts), and more body splices (of the entier system... blood and all... that I thot was behind a case, but was hanging freely just in front of me. oish!)

It’s so surreal that you don’t get scared, but on a few body splices (one in particular of a man seperated into about 10 parts), the doctors/creators left the skin on two of the pieces, so you could see what the man looked like before he was donated for plastination.

Exhibits where the hair and eyelashes were still intact were strange, but
The only really disturbing thing was when the skin/face/hair was left on the body... because then the exhibit's main foundation became reality... and you realized that this used to be a living, breathing, human being.

Hidden off toward the end was a woman who died at five months pregnant. Her kidney was removed to show the fetus still inside of her… when you went around to her back side, you could see her blackened lung (Odd how you can develop anger to someone that is no longer alive for having such disregard for a teeny little thing...but maybe she was a smoker before she had the baby and quit during pregnancy…there was no summary of how she passed).

In this area, there was also glass jars and wires displaying fetuses from 4 weeks all the way to 29 weeks. I would really like the imput of someone who is pro-abortion and has seen this display, because it's pretty apparent that this could easily change a persons stand on the issue...

Probably the most impressive was a display called "Body Exploded."
Just as in art, it is all in the presentation/placement -- and this particular one screamed creativity.

Imagine a grill plate with... jeez.... probably 2000+ (no exageration) different strings hung from the highly placed piece of steel.

Sort of puppet like... Except here, we have each organ/muscle/bone hanging individually from each string.

This display was "Exploded" in that each piece of this human body was placed in it's appropriate place, but spread out massively (so a body that only took up 5'9", 150 lbs stretched into a 15 ft x 6 ft box).

Amazing.

I was so taken back by how this had to have been put together... hung so carefully... it had to have been on par with the worlds most impossible puzzle.

If you have a weekend free sometime before the end of july - go see it. IF not, travel somewhere to see it... if still not... then go to Body Worlds three... Hopefully, they'll have some more 'lecture' style displays...

There was a guy at the end who was instructing me on the plastination proccess, as well as another teaching me about pace makers.

I felt way more involved... and learned a lot more... but maybe that's just my own personal learning style... I'd love if they had more of that in the exhibit :-)

Here are some more photos :

Smokers lungs vs. Healthy Lungs (STOP F'ING SMOKING PEOPLE!)

The nervous system

this is a 20-week old fetus.

Didn't want to offend anyone that may be sensitive - so if you want to look -go for it.

How many miles does it take?!

2006-05-30T16:46:00.000-06:00

I've gone back and forth from Denver more times in my lifetime than i'll ever like to count. And all of you that have done this trip know there are about a million different routes in the middle.
I change it up inevitably each trip based on my mood... but usually end up with my gut instinct on:

a. which ruote is shortest in milage
b. which route will allow me to speed and avoid cops :-)

Last year, someone presented me with "The Guernsey Shortcut" -- Supposedly it shaves 15 - 20 minutes off of your 6 hour trip - which doesn't make sense to me at all... because while the route is more scenic and 'cuts across' the L that goes from Mule Creek Junction to Lusk from I-25 (this exit is only about 20 miles past the exit to Guernsey - the "shortcut" is 40 miles, and still takes about 25 miles to get over to Guernsey from the interstate... what?!)

I always thot it seemed fishy - and didn't really buy it...

And now that I've got a streets and maps trip planner here -- I wanted to give all of you who have some desire to know this the skinny --

Here's the Run-Down (and all of you have told me about this are sadly mistaken, and wasting driving time *and gas money*) :

Rapid -> Lusk -> Mule Creek -> Denver:
Distance: 406.7 miles Trip duration: 6 hours, 27 minutes

Rapid -> Lusk -> Guernsey "Shortcut" -> Denver:
Driving distance: 415.2 miles Trip duration: 6 hours, 49 minutes

Rapid ->Lusk -> Torrington -> Denver:
Driving distance: 388.0 miles Trip duration: 6 hours, 39 minutes

Rapid -> Newcastle, Lusk - Mule Creek -> Denver:
Driving distance: 420.1 miles Trip duration: 6 hours, 47 minutes

Rapid -> Newcastle -> Lusk -> Torrington ->Denver:
Driving distance: 401.4 miles Trip duration: 6 hours, 58 minutes

Rapid -> Scottsbluff, NE --> Denver:
Driving distance: 402.5 miles Trip duration: 6 hours, 42 minutes

Hmm... Wierd. Going through Guernsey is your worst possible bet. Sucks for all of you!
Fly through Hot springs and Torrington.. Suck up slowing down in the small cities... It said the duration of the trip is longer, but because it's on country roads, you can speed a little bit, cut 20 miles, and make it to D-Town anywhere between 5 hours - 5 hours and fifteen minutes.

PEACHY, eh!?

Eh!

**Ad0n** --- If anyone is taking any summer road trips and wants help planning their shortest carride, lemmieknow!

hooray for boobies

2006-05-30T12:03:00.000-06:00

everytime i go to denver, i get too wrapped up in current events to have the self-dicipline to leave at a reasonable hour, leaving me enough time when I get home to unpack, clean, and settle on in with a good night's rest.

everytime i do this.

and everytime i come home, i dread pulling into my driveway at 3am or later... only to wake up at 7:30am with no voice, no sunshinee attitude, and no willingness to straighten up my home, clean up cat puke or mop/vacuum, clean the damn cat box.

i know i'm just grouchy and need some rest... but it's easier for me to rest when everything is in it's place and clean, and set up the way I like it.

So rather than go home and crash immediately tonight, I"m probably going to be completely absurd and go on a cleaning binge... finishing around 8 --- oh! enough time to go visit my favorite little chubby buddy, friends and take a little ride on my scooty boot.

then still go to bed too late.

i guess it's time i hire a house boy.
i.e. he needs to clean, wash my sheets, clean up animal shit, do my dishes, fold my clothes, place them in color order in my closet... make my bed, wash my floors, kitchen...etc.

oh yeah. i think i need to repaint my kitchen.
i had someone tea stain it and i'm... not a fan. it looks like someone just put dirt all over the walls.

so while i appreciate the suggestion... i don't appreciate how it looks.
i'm thinking of perhaps going sagee green.
$U#)$(*@)#(*#@(#!#*$@#(#.

yeah.
i said it.

oi

2006-05-26T10:22:00.000-06:00

rouuuuuuuuugh day at work yesterday.

and something that would probably be more interesting to read about than anything else i could write right now, but out of respect, i'll only say...

quiet today.
everyone's sad.
hardest place i've ever worked... but with toughness comes greatness...right?

Most importantly, everyone has those people that you meet and instantly love. Outside of my family, I don't have very many of them.

It's not the "i want to do you" or "i can't live without you..." kind of love - just the "genuine, no question whatsoever, because your head, heart and gut all say that this is a good person and you'd be absolutely moronic not to have them in your life" love, no matter what the duration or circumstance of who/what they are.

My entire being goes into "i would jump in front of a damn bus for you!" mode because just their prescence makes me feel considerably brighter.

i just found out this morning that one of my most favorite people that represents the very definition of the above, is being moved back over to where he used to until he can come back to this company (in awhile... i'm hoping sooner than later).

SAD!
so glad he still has his job - but i'm very sad to not be able to see him every day ;-(

anyway -
i'm going to denver for the weekend. yahoo!!
lots of sleeping... movies... laying around... and, well... you know!

:-)

i think my step dad is putting sirius radio in my car today so I have somethin to listen to. hachacha. He's the best guy.

I'm continually reminded of how great he is every day --- and how funny.

Today I drove by a suburban.

The ONLY suburban I've ever seen that has been decked to the nines in zebra stripes.
It belongs to a car place on 5th street that rents the vehicle out ever so often...

and when I saw it, I was reminded that on their Wedding my Step Dad had rented it out for his Wedding day - so the girls could have the pimp limo, and He, my brother Jake and his son Brandon could tux around in the sweet suburban.

Toooooo funny.

I only hope I get so lucky as my mom did.
though, she's pretty hot shit... so if i were my step dad, i would probably be that awesome to stay in her graces.

oh, what a debacle

2006-05-25T09:21:00.000-06:00

I was just sitting here wondering which of two things I should ingest:

1. a bag of hot tomales that i bought yesterday and left in my car overnight...
2. all of my daily vitamins.

Now this is a lot, considering vitamin intake:
a multi -2
milk thistle -2
ginseng -2
bc -1
flaxseed oil -2
some supplement i have to take for my adrenal glands -2

plus there's the shot of aloe vera in the morning, and the ibuprofin (2) i've had to taken because of some disc out in my back that is giving me a raging headache...

So you have 2, 4, 6, 7, 9, 11, 13 pills + some gooey shit (which is actually really awesome).

I figured I"d go for the good-for-you drugs, rather than the little red cinnamon -coated sugar that is "ooooooh-so-good" variety (although i'll probably snack on those this afternoon).

unfortunately, for all of you other pill poppers out there, you're well aware that stuff like this makes you pretty sick to your stomach... even if you're taking them all on a stomach full of food.

blickity-blickenstein.

I should have been born with red Hair.

2006-05-25T00:00:00.000-06:00

I am:
a huge flirt
a terrible karoke singer
extremely loud
sexual blundt
very outspoken
a firey, snotty little brat.

i got pulled over tonight by a cop because i didn't have liscence ('m never going to know how to spell that damn word) plates on my scooter.

"It's 49cc. you don't need them"

"Well what are you going to do if you crash into my $40,000 truck?!"

"Pay for it with money..."

"I'm going to SUE YOU! So you need to be quiet because i'm just trying to help you."

"I'm listening. I just did all my research, and i KNOW that you don't need a license. It just needs to be registered and it is!"

I stood with my hands on my hips for about 10 minutes, then climbed back no my scooter and rested my chin in my left hand, acting like my time was being extremely wasted (it was).

I was asked back into the car and given a 'warning' that basically said nothing except for "please make sure you call to have this insured."

ok. no one told me i had to do that. do you really think if i barrell into someone's "$40,000" truck with my scooter, it's going to be because of me?!

Um no, it's probably because you weren't paying attention and knocked me off my teeny, tiny little scooter... and then who will be sueing who?

No one. because i don't believe in sueing. But your ass better bring me a wholes' lotta damn FLOWERS WHEN I"M IN THE HOSPITAL!!!!!

I know most of you will understand...

2006-05-24T09:06:00.000-06:00

Best of Craigslist rocks.
John and i have made it habitual to jet on over once in awhile to waste an hour or two.

I stumbled upon the following and decided this guy would be one of my closest companions, if ever I chose to live in Washington D.C (which is pretty unlikely)...

--------------------------

“So, what do you do?”

Sweet Jesus, I hate this question; it infests DC like no other place I’ve lived. I get asked it every time I meet people, be they at or bar, friends of friends, spontaneous conversations in Safeway—hell, ragged old ladies sometimes accost me walking down the street, just to find out what I do.

My job lacks the excitement or concise definition of most vocations, so I normally just lie about it.

“So, what do you do?” the homeless guy outside the Rosslyn Metro asks me.

“Why…I…am…Assistant…Director…of…Resource…Management…of…Poultry,” I reply.

“Wait a second—why did you pause so much? Are you just making this up?” the homeless guy menacingly intones.

“Of…course…not…I…was…just…building…suspense,” I say, before throwing down my Vitamin Water and bagel and running away in shame.

The fact of the matter is, I’m very unsure of what my job actually IS.

I work at an office and do a little bit of this (Solitaire) and a little bit of that (Spider Solitaire), but nothing that can be encapsulated in one or two words, like “Fireman” or “Bikini Inspector”. For me, everyday is an aggregate of small, insignificant tasks, designed solely for the purpose of making it to 5 PM.

Play a game of Solitaire, 10 minutes.
Knock out a Sudoku, 10 more minutes.
Brew and drink coffee—oh, I can stretch that for at least a quarter hour.

Trouble is, by 11 AM each day I’m normally wired on caffeine and exhausted of brief computer games, so I’m always desperately in need of Big Timekilling Activities.

I’ve developed elaborate BTA’s involving round robin tournaments of office games, games that normally include Styrofoam cups, uneaten yogurt tins, and a three-hole punch, but those normally end quickly in tragedy:

“Good God, this coffee tastes terrible! And what’s this gooey purple stuff on my papers?” my boss inevitably asks. I tend to look away and make a cryptic comment about the last intern being “Very, very strange. And possibly retarded.”

So as you can see, the collective nincompoopery of my officemates puts the kibosh on office game BTA’s, so I have to turn to tasks more individual in nature.

The other day, for instance, I decided that there was no good reason not to make a paper clip necklace.

I took the precaution of borrowing the receptionist’s paper clips, because there was no way in hell those puppies were going to survive, and I didn’t want to be accused of wasting office supplies. I finished in about 10 minutes, put on the necklace and snuck into the restroom to check myself out.

“Hmm, good, but not that good,” I said aloud, admiring my handiwork in the bathroom mirror. “I really can make it bigger.”

“It’s not the size of the boat, just the motion in the ocean,” the middle-aged man from across the hall said as he exited the bathroom stall.

“You’ll be fine, son.”

“No, I wasn’t talking about that, I was talking about…” I began, before realizing that I had two options here: admit that I was just looking at a paper clip necklace I made for myself, or fess up to a complete stranger about feelings of penile inadequacy. Tough call, but the choice was clear.

“Thanks, I’m sure women will like me just the way I am,” I answered with a nod. I think I made the right decision—because in the end, I had a whole day in front of me, a cup full of paper clips, and, by God, I was GOING to make it bigger.

Follow the Bouncing Ball...

2006-05-24T09:01:00.000-06:00

i put a band-aid on my finger
because i just sliced it open while cutting an avacado.
the band aid is too tight.
thus, my finger is purple.

but my whole point is...

guacamole is awesome.
i am without chips.
so bring some over.
so we can eat the entire bowl!

Just Left of Bad Luck

2006-05-23T08:47:00.000-06:00

Things have actually been going very swimmingly as of late, but it seems that the left side of my body is taking all the major hits.

I could feel a sore throat coming on (which feels wierd after you have your tonsils removed) and a raging middle ear infection.

What did James call it? Otomediapathy? Haha. I don't remember.

As if that didn't hurt enough, I was riding to work this morning on my scooter and in my 35 mph scooter path, that damn bee flew his damn stinger right into the nape of my neck, nestling right on in the collar of my jacket and sitting there until i scooped him out.

I'm sitting at work now with a giant ice pack on the red, swollen sting just now realizing that there is satisfaction in what just happened - because don't bees die as soon as they sting someone.

Yeah, bitch. Take it all!

If anyone knows of any ani-stick-stuff-in-you-ear remedies for the very above problem, I would appreciate it. It's throwing off my balance and stuff... i hate ears...

On another note, to save you the hassle... The post office does NOT meter more than five pieces of mail at a time (Lame, I know!).

So, instead of just dropping 300+ envelopes I had spent ALL day compiling yesterday into a metering machine, I had to individually stamp every single one (are you kidding me!?)

Canada's were annoying, because I had to put a combo on (one 84 cent stamp, two 3 cents stamps)... but the kicker is when I had gotten halfway through the United States Mailers when another postal worker said,

"Oh... you'll need more than that on there!"
"No... she said she sold me 63 cent stamps..."
"No, those are only 39."

"Great...," I started to get annoyed. "So, is she going to help me restamp all of these then, cause this is taking for ever?"

Nope. I got a little help toward the end, but after I had to pay an additional $64 dollars (of my own cash) to get a second stamp to place on the 300 envelopes, I was pretty f'ing peeved.

Postal Service** and I... not getting along right now...

**government ran business... not the band.

Tan Hands

2006-05-19T09:34:00.000-06:00

Burnt Neck, Chest, Nose, Head, Forearms...

That's what scooter ridin' will do to you.

I bought this shirt at Buffalo Exchange about a month ago. I love it. The color. The hoody.. I wear it quite often, but i think it may be a little bit of a preggo shirt... which could give people entirely the wrong impression.

OH's well.

Despite the color of this dress, i really dig this outfit, and want to get some sort of sheerish summer dress like this and new espadrills (i have ones just like this, but they're totally shot from the past year...) sometime this weekend:

I just need to get my legs back up to snuff.

It's getting so hot here (91 yesterday) and since my house doesn't have air conditioning (yet), i had to put the cooler directly on me while sleeping. Mix that with crisp white sheets and you've got a night of fabulous rest.

Today is great because:
A. it's beautiful outside
B. it is a photoshoot day, in which I ride my scoot over to my parents, then go take pictures all day with richard
C. it is friday

And even tho i'm having trememdous problems with my neck and shoulders as of late (i have no idea why...? must be an allergy...) life is good.

The Davinci Code comes out this weekend. I thot it wasn't due out to fall, so sa-weet.
Funny... i bought the book over two years ago and still haven't read it...

So all you 9-5ers... have fun sitting at your desk all day. i'm going outside to play! owwww! :-)

Gosh, this is so cool!

2006-05-18T13:46:00.000-06:00

Everytime I'm in Denver, I want to go to this exhibit, and every time I am there, I don't go!

But I am going to go next weekend... Because I know I will kick my ass if I don't.
Plus, how cool would it be to see the innerworkings of things to make smarter decisions regaurding health/nutrition?

I love science. LOVE It.
If anyone is in Denver next Saturday (the 27th) and would like to go with me, please let me know!
$22 during the day
$17 at night (i vote for nighttime :-))

Otherwise, i'm flyin' solo.

I also want to go to the Botanical Gardens. Lived there two years and never went. Lame!

Here's some info:

Gunther Von Hagens' BODY WORLDS 2:
The Anatomical Exhibition of Real Human Bodies
at the Denver Museum of Nature & Science
2001 Colorado Blvd., Denver, CO
Now through July 23 only!
Purchase tickets online or call 303.322.7009.

Uncover the incredible beauty and complexities beneath your skin when the most popular touring exhibition in the world, Gunther von Hagens' BODY WORLDS 2: The Anatomical Exhibition of Real Human Bodies, comes to the Denver Museum of Nature & Science from March 10–July 23, 2006.

Created by Dr. Gunther von Hagens, a licensed physician and anesthesiologist, BODY WORLDS and BODY WORLDS 2 have drawn more than 18 million viewers worldwide. Visitors to the exhibition learn about anatomy, physiology and, most importantly, the influence of lifestyle choices, like diet and exercise, on personal health—all by viewing real human bodies permanently preserved through an innovative method called Plastination. The exhibition is presented in Denver by Centura Health, Colorado's largest family of not-for-profit hospitals and health services.

"BODY WORLDS 2 is a compelling, memorable experience that will give all who view it a new perspective on the inner workings of the human body and the importance of healthy lifestyle choices," said Dr. Bridget Coughlin, curator of human health at the Denver Museum of Nature & Science. "The exhibition features more than 200 real human specimens. These specimens give visitors access to a deeper understanding of disease and pathology formerly only available to surgeons. Through examples such as arthritis in the aging process, the effects of tobacco consumption and the complexity of the nervous system, the exhibition has given me an incredible respect for what it means to be human."

The plastination process was invented by von Hagens at the University of Heidelberg in 1977. The process replaces the natural fluids in the body with reactive fluid plastics that harden after vacuum-forced impregnation. Plastination provides the flexibility and strength needed to display and preserve specimens in realistic forms, without the use of glass barriers and formaldehyde. Von Hagens founded the Institute for Plastination in 1993, in order to offer plastinated specimens for educational use and for the BODY WORLDS exhibitions. All anatomical specimens on display in the BODY WORLDS exhibitions are authentic. The bodies were donated for plastination purposes through a declaration of will directly from the individuals involved.

"BODY WORLDS allows people from all backgrounds to better understand the body and how it functions," said von Hagens. "As event anatomy, BODY WORLDS juxtaposes healthy and diseased organs and features whole body specimens in dynamic lifelike poses. Plastinated anatomy is beauty beneath the skin, frozen in time between death and decay. It opens the heart to our inner self and makes us fall in love with our own body."

The Museum will offer special evening hours during the run of the show to meet popular demand.

Purchase tickets online or call 303.322.7009.

(Source)

How Depressing...

2006-05-17T15:39:00.000-06:00

Uhh...

So I don't own a scale.

I've never owned a scale.
But my mom does, and since I was doing a photoshoot with Rich over at their house (because Veda has the coolest dog kennel ever), I did stop in to weigh myself and was appauled when the number creeped up just 10lbs short of what I used to weigh my Freshman year of High School.

Trust me, that wasn't my fittest time.

So... as I rode back to work on my scooter, tears flying from my face in the wind, I slipped on the most disiplined, motivated hat of all time - because luckily, when I get depressed, I don't reach for a big piece of cake... I just get really pissed off.

I'm pretty much fed up with having fat cow disease.
The fat bus stops right HERE.

So if you want to offer any encouragement (not empty reassurances, because i'm really not fishing, i'm just being blatantly honest... ), make sure I don't give up on the committment in a week or so and send me some "keep your ass moving!" love right here.

Thanks. I appreciate it.

Love,

The "currently" Big Fat Cow.
Big Fat Cow

p.s. mooo.

Give me my Life Back!

2006-05-16T11:37:00.000-06:00

Man...

So, When I first moved to denver a few years ago, I had the opportunity to be an intern for $100 a week at Mania TV...

Seriously, cool thing. If you haven't heard of them, they're kind of a big deal.

When I walked into the interview, I was super charmed by the huge school bus housing all of the technical equipment and the open warehouse. Looked like fun.

The guy in charge of marketing was even cooler. Italian guy, who was looking to get married soon (this only came up because I was writing for a Destination Wedding Planning Company).

The sad thing is, that straightening out the internship/really-part time job set-up took for-ever.
We e-mailed each other... back and forth, back and forth.

I was really excited to go work there, but he just never knew for sure what his answer was.

Along the way, I went to interview with Ma, Scott and Johnny Burr over at Soundstructure and The Walnut Room.

Fell in love. Wanted the job. GOT the job!

Just a day later, the guy from Mania TV contacted me with a solidified position for intern at Mania TV for the proposed $100 a week, as long as I put in 15-20 hours or so a week.

My first thot was... Man! Working 60 hours a week would blow... and I bet it's kind of a commute. I'll never have time to... do nothing.

Seriously... what would I have done? I had no friends... no boyfriend... nothing but free time to watch movies, eat fruit pizza and go running on green mountain.

Now i'm bummed because I should have just sacrificed that time...really, it's the great way to have my Vh1/MTV Lifestyle without having to live in New York. Not to mention the fact that ManiaTV is actually located only a FEW BLOCKS from SS/TWR. Crazy...

I probably would have made friends FROM Mania... while making all the friends I did at Soundstructure/TWR and when Soundstructure went part time, I probably could have picked up a zillion more hours or a full-time commitment over at Mania doing what i really really really love (working hard in an environment I thrive in - music... music...glamour television...music)... and i'd pretty much feel like the coolest person ever.

I also probably wouldn't be in South Dakota Right now.

Grrrrrrr.

Damn that all!!!!!!!! Damn that!!

I really need to get "my shit" back on track...

That's just too bad for her...

2006-05-11T12:10:00.000-06:00

Looks like Teri Hatcher is slowly turning into janice dickenson.

Gross.

It's a Different World

2006-05-10T16:24:00.000-06:00

Here, I have One World, because my friends are my family, my family is everywhere, and my job is partially revolved around family. It's a giant connective circle.

Compare that to Denver, and the circumstances are much different, Because -

In Denver, I had Three Worlds:

1. My Job
2. My Friends
3. My Boyfriend.

They all started out as one, then split apart last fall due to certain situations that pretty much everyone . Friends are always good, I was too far into the relationship to give it up, and my job... well... my boss like a big brother that I'd never want to disapoint. I dealt with them how I wanted, and now I am where I am because of this.

Mind you... (World 3) the boy's birthday falls on a Sunday this year... Just one day after he plays a show:

(World 1)*:at the venue I used to work
(World 2)*:on the same bill with a few of my friends...

On June 24th, all three worlds collide again, which hasn't happened since hmm... never, and I am faced with the uncomfortable dilema of being pretty much obligated to be at said event because it rolls right into... that's right --- Seanzie's birthday.

Crap.

You see... in Denver I was able to avoid these catastrophe's all together...

But now, when it's an event for me to drive down for a weekend, it is not so. Call this 'shady' or whatever you will, but i was in the middle of a tug of war so long (because I want to be accomodating to everyone rather than do what i want for myself) that I'm used to that spot, and used to scheduling/co-operating with this lifestyle norm...

So... rather than be all, "Who cares what the f' you think about me!!?!" I care a lot, because people's opinions and feelings toward me are very important. Call that insecure, but... that's just who I am...

Add this on top of the fact that I haven't gotten an ounce of sleep for the last 3 days for god knows why, and I'm pretty sure I'll be up even longer worrying about this pre-determined debacle one month for next wednesday. Because how am I supposed to be there, and still have everyone happy with me?

Not...going....to happen *sigh* :0-(

This weighs heavy on my heart...

*I'm completely aware that if they all don't mesh, it probably shouldn't be done... but, sorry! i don't work that way. ask anyone.

Interesting

2006-05-08T16:00:00.000-06:00

I was talking about this with my mom over lunch today...

I thought it was semi-interesting:

Remote S. Dakota is new home for FLDS
Author says: 'The lengths they've gone to to keep it secret are extraordinary'

A third outpost created by followers of fugitive polygamist leader Warren Jeffs has been discovered in the Black Hills of South Dakota.

The 100-acre, wooded property, near Pringle, S.D., features residential buildings, a large steel warehouse and outbuildings. The land was bought in October 2003 by David Steed Allred, about the same time he purchased a 1,371-acre ranch in Eldorado, Texas.
The South Dakota site appears to be on par with an FLDS development in Mancos, Colo., said author Jon Krakauer, who has visited the area twice to document the new holding. A building permit lists costs of materials at $450,000, but nothing for labor.

"By the amount of money being put into it, it is an important property," Krakauer said. "The lengths they've gone to to keep it secret are extraordinary."

Krakauer said authorities in Mohave County, Ariz. - where Jeffs is wanted on criminal charges - received an anonymous tip about the development last summer but had too little information to trace the property.

In January, the same caller contacted The Eldorado Success, a weekly newspaper in

Texas, which relayed the tip to Krakauer and private investigator Sam Brower. The paper posted a story on its Web site Wednesday.

Krakauer, author of Under The Banner of Heaven, now devotes his efforts to tracking Jeffs' activities. The 50-year-old Jeffs, head of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, is wanted by the FBI on an Arizona charge of arranging an underage marriage.
Krakauer found that Allred had paid $135,000 for the South Dakota land, then transferred it to a now-defunct Utah company headed by Jerald N. Williams.

"We knew right away that it was Warren's people," Krakauer said.

Both Allred and Williams are top advisers for Jeffs, according to Krakauer and former FLDS member Marvin Wyler of Colorado City, Ariz.

Williams "was very high up in the system of things," Wyler said, and until a year ago oversaw work projects in FLDS enclave of Colorado City and Hildale, Utah. Williams since has moved.

The twin towns are home to the FLDS church, which also counts members in Bountiful, British Columbia and Nevada. It hews to early teachings of Joseph Smith, founder of the Mormon church, including plural marriage.

The Salt Lake City-based Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints discontinued the practice of polygamy in 1890.

Allred apparently told people in South Dakota he planned to use the property for a "corporate retreat" - the same description he gave when buying the Texas and Colorado properties.
Ken Hubbart, then a county inspector, said his office was told the owners planned to build a two-story dormitory-style lodge, a large stable and a caretaker's cabin. Hubbart said the property only had access roads on it at the time.

Construction has proceeded around the clock, much to the annoyance of some neighbors.

"You can hear equipment running all the time," said Cheryl Hadlock, who lives east of the FLDS property. "They're digging constantly. And that's getting us kind of worried. We don't know what they're digging, why they're digging."

But Hadlock said the new neighbors have otherwise left them alone. "They've been good to us. We haven't had any problems with them. It just makes you wonder what they're doing."

A building permit issued for a three-story, 7,200-square-foot residential building on the property's west side lists seven bedrooms and 10 bathrooms, though Krakauer said others who have been in the building counted as many 21 bedrooms. There also is a well house nearby.

On the east side of the property, there is a second three-story log residence and a detached garage. The permit lists the dwelling as having three bedrooms and seven bathrooms, though it, too, has more rooms, Krakauer said.

A 12,350-square-foot steel building identified as a horse stable likely includes numerous bedrooms and offices. The property has three water wells, grain silos, an irrigated orchard and a large garden.

Like the properties in Texas and Colorado, the South Dakota development is "in the middle of nowhere," Brower, the private investigator, said. "It has been completely under the radar for a long time."

The property is 15 miles southwest of Pringle, a tiny town that consists of little more than a post office and a bar.

It's about 22 miles from the county seat of Custer, named after Gen. George A. Custer. Located in the southwest corner of South Dakota, the area is home to national forests, parks and monuments. Just north of Custer, a giant mountain carving of Crazy Horse is under way.

"Warren has good taste in real estate," Krakauer said. "They are beautiful places."

Krakauer and Brower believe the new development was designed to be a hideout for Jeffs.

Jeffs has other places of lesser significance, "but none like this," said Krakauer, who estimates up to 80 men, women and children were at the South Dakota property when he was there in January.

Custer County Sheriff Phil Hespen said he was aware the FLDS owned property there and declined to comment about any FBI activity in the area.

"If we knew he [Warren Jeffs] was there, we would have scooped him up a long time ago," he said.

FBI Special Agent Deborah McCarley in Phoenix said the agency is aware of the FLDS property in South Dakota. She said the agency follows up on all tips concerning Jeffs' whereabouts.
The search continues, she said, but "any leads that suggest we're close to him, no."

**:Apparently the Church of Latter Day Saints went off their own direction from The mormon faith and still practice the "old School" customs of the religion... i.e. Polygamy, marrying 13-year-old children, and so on...

Reflecting...

2006-05-08T15:06:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking that the first time a significant other says "i Love you," it's a pretty damn big deal.

I remember the first time anyone non-related with a penis had ever said it to me --- and nearly a year later, how it has become such a common uttering between us.

On a drive home up to my Lakewood Apartment, we were blaring DMB in my car and he got all serious.

"I have something I want to say, but I'm kind of scared to say it, because it's so soon."

"Please don't say it then...," I quickly replied.
Not because I didn't adore him back, but because it had only been five weeks or so, and commitment scared the bajebus out of me.

About a week or two later, we were packing up all of my stuff so that I'd be ready to move into my new apartment in the Highlands.

He had brought up this guy that had come to visit just a week prior and had asked exactly what the deal was.

"Yeah," I said. "He was pretty much the love of my life."

I remember he paused, TV in arms.

Oh god. Did I just say that?

He set the T.V. down and looked at me. "So... what the hell are you doing with me? You never make sense?!" (i really don't...)

I yelled out some argumentative phrases that I knew would allow me to win the argument, then jetted off to the kitchen to angrily pack up some dishes. He followed, and began to paint my dining room as I huffed in the corner and pretended like I couldn't have been more insulted that he had just said something so rudely to me.

"Just because I said he WAS doesn't mean he still IS.. I'm with you. I want you. What the hell!?! Why would I help you out so much? Why would I do all of this for you if I didn't care about you?!?!!"

And then that three letter phrase that every normal human being longs to hear came spilling out his mouth...

"I just get so confused and you say those things about some other guy and god, I don't even want to say it but I LOVE You. I am in LOVE WITH YOU."

I just sat there quiet. Crying.

I can't believe I that came out at THAT moment.

I didn't say it back. I think I had too much pride in that moment for feeling so guilty and horrible that the words didn't come.

And I think it was so difficult because to me, it's what you do, not what you say, and every little thing I had been doing for him had screamed levels of "I love you..." and i figured he just should have known.

But then, after I slammed a few dishes into a box, let some akward silence pass, and really got the gusto to appreciate what just happened... it all just passed... and despite all the shit that's flown over the last year... he's been spending every single day of his life making sure that I know just how much he meant those words the first time he said them...

Odd isn't it? I thought moving away may change things... but it has had the opposite effect. And for those of you who think i'm crazy... then so be it... let's sit back and judge all of your past relationship bullshit. :-)

Congratulations... You're a Woman

2006-05-08T10:50:00.000-06:00

My dog... is on her period.

Wierd, huh?

I knew they had periods, but I've never experienced having a dog that was on one.

For 21 Days?!?!?!

Good lord.
That's a long time to wear a big fatty diaper.

Tho, Her vagina is so engorged and huge right now, I've considered letting her wear a tampon.

Groooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooss.

All I can say is I'm glad she's with me instead of her dad. It's important to be around other girls...

I wonder if it's ok to let her indulge in some chocolate... or if she's having a number of 'fat days' where she gets all bloated...

My Three Big Loves

2006-05-05T08:47:00.001-06:00

There are a few big loves in our lifetime.

And then there are the little ones that go unmentioned in day-to-day conversation:

1. The Soup Spoon. I looooovvvvvee the soup spoon. Yeah, a regular one gets the job done, but does it let you bury your upper lip deep into the concave construction? I really, really really love the soup spoon - so much so that I get a little excited when I order soup and know that one is coming my way.

I can't explain the bizarre adoration I have for this inatimate object, other than just like wrapping a warm towel around your fresh-out-of-the-shower body, the soup spoon offers my mouth that same, overwhelming comfort.

2. FeBreeze: Hi... best invention EVER. Now, I can't smell, but you can bet your ass in a home that houses me, two cats and a pup, that it's going to get stinky. I have full confidence that when I clean my house, open some windows and then Febreeze the hell out of every fabric/carpet/surface in my home, that it's going to smell like roses.

"Some genius chemistry geek over at proctor and gamble, said, 'Let's create a spray that you can spray on ANYTHING and EVERYTHING, to make it smell good'. Now we all use Febreeze to refreshen the odors on our couches, carpets, towels, clothes, mouths, armpits, car upholstry, dogs, cats, gerbils, guinea pigs... whatever still stinks you need to extinguish." (quoted)

Better this than worrying about some wierd stench floating around my house...
These people have different ideas of the best invention; but in my top 10, Febreeze rules King.

3. The Dog Park: Rapid City may not have much to offer commercial wise (no stores, no Whole Foods, 1 Starbucks, just just JUST got an Olive Garden, no... shops/restraunts open past 8!!?!?), but they do get the million dollar prize for the insanely beautiful dog park reserved for our four-legged friends just west of the Fish Hatchery.

Have a puppy driving you absolutely nuts? Need to run her out of energy? Need to socialize them around other people and dogs?
There's your answer... A huge, multi-acre lot with trees, right near the creek and complete with an old hocky rink that has been turned into a little 'training' area for your pooch to run around rampid for an hour plus.

I don't even question what I'll do after work now. It's Get off work, go home, get the dog, DRIVE to the dog park.

Now Bela expects it, is well behaved during the day because of it and is now so familiar with the route that she gets all excited on the way there.

Gotsta thank Suzy for introducing me and all the cool people there (Nolan, Kaylie and our little friends: Teddy, Odin, Isis and more...) for lettin Miss Thang be social butterfly. :-)

And I guess that Last one can go as one of Bela's Big Loves, too... right alongside treats and her duckie.

Change is good.

2006-05-04T15:36:00.000-06:00

Especially to buy the individual-sized of hot tomales i eat every day, or to get that 24 oz mexican mocha in the morning.

Man, it's a fun afternoon with Sami!!

And unlike the Hershey's Ad Campagne, I thing The Change in status quo is good, too.

Hell, i've never lived anywhere longer than a year since I turned 18 because I like to change up my surroundings ever-so-often.

Proof:

Freshman Year: 7th Floor South; Sechrist Hall (1 week) - over to Mtn. View (Greek Dorm) for 5 hours (with all my stuff) - back to Sechrist (which is cool, because it was in Forrest Gump)

Sophomore Year: Shitty Apartment with Shitty Roomates... 6 months - Back Home for 8 months

Junior Year: North Morton Dorm - Haunted Floor with Cool ass Bitches

Senior Year: Apartment life with Suz (best year ever)

First Year on Own: Lakewood: nice apartment...

Second Year on Own: Highlands (love it) until March 06

Now: Owning a home... probably here for 4-6 months more.

It's good because it constantly forces you to re-evaluate all of your situations - move around your stuff; clean; organize, etc.

I guess I never really liked getting "too" comfortable in anything I do anyway (don't let the house owning fool ya... it sort of 'fit' with this change i'm moving through for the year) - which could either help or hinder, depending on how you look at things.

Now, because of change, I'm in a job that could very well be perfect for me.

Aside from having a hard time with the 8-5, I get to do photo shoots (working with my stepdad, whom I spent an hour with at Lunch listening to sweet sports photog stories) then spend hours in Photoshop making stuff look better, then redesigning an entire base for a company.

oooooh. The Power!

Es Muy Fun!

I think it's also another reason why I like Myspace.

I have friends contact me that I haven't spoken with for years, and I get to check in and see how things are flowing. Not only is it a good way for me to express all of my creative outlets, but it's a good reminder for me because among all of my desire for flee and flight, I forget the way things use to be sometimes...

I wonder if that's intentional?

Or if i'm just trying too damn hard to keep up with my life path...

This post had no point. more stream of consciousness.
Kind of like...
ooooh. space heater
my house is a mess...
my dog is sopping wet in the backyard...
i can't wait to do laundry and curl up in clean sheets.
this cut on my finger from making guacamole last night is a total bitch.
i bet i'm annoying everyone with the buzzing of the space heater.
i don't really care, because my legs are warm.
the guy that just walked in is really tall. and really huge!
i wonder how tall he is?
*sigh*

nothing interesting on the brain today.
i'm not stimulating all of the time.
tho i'd like to be...
like a big, fat, battery-charged vibrator.
oooowwwww!

p.s. how many of you want some chocolate now?
yeah!

Hmm...

2006-05-03T15:12:00.000-06:00

I went more blondee-blonde and got myself a little bob cut goin on:

You can't totally tell in that photo, but I thot the face was an appropriate sami expression.

Looking for something worthwhile to express to you all...

Oh Joy!

2006-05-02T15:09:00.000-06:00

Call me stupid, but I think Simple Life is hilarious, and you can bet your ass I watched the giant marathon of Simple Life 2 that they had on E! on Sunday.

Why a marathon?

Because Simple Life 4 hits E! this Thursday with a whole new format:

Think Wife Swap meets glamville.

I wonder where the wives go while paris/nicole is in their home?

Sneaky way to get around the whole debacle between the two (i've heard it's because paris had a big fat party to watch herself on SNL - Richie put on her infamous sex video instead...woops)...

just have them showcased in homes far, far away from each other.

I can't imagine they have much leeway in the families they choose...
and I also can't picture them holding families together.

I doubt it's going to be that great because FOX Network dropped the show, and they will usually take anything.

Looks like E! is the new Fox!!! But we really do need a trash tv network, so thank you.
Thank you E!

It's really too bad that the two princesses don't get along anymore, because part of the hilarity is how they egg each other on when they are together.

What can ya do tho...

I guess watch and find out...

Bitter Ex-Girlfriends of the World Unite

2006-05-02T10:11:00.000-06:00

in one sembriotic act.

Uh oh boys... your reputations are screwed...
but you won't be.
ha.

Sad!

You Don't have to be rich to rule my world.

2006-05-02T08:33:00.000-06:00

I was in the D-Note at Arvada a few weeks ago and after the show was over, the sound guy threw on the new Prince Album: 3121 and I Danced my little ass off in the doorway while I waited for my man to load up all of his gear.

Add a little spanish to a little traditional prince to a little more dance grooves and you have a pretty good album (when the mood calls).

Yesterday on my lunch break, I jetted over to Best Buy on my free time and got me some new Prince.

Upon flipping through the liner notes, I noticed two things:

1. Pictures and Photgrapy done by....
2. "Most importantly, to the all and mighty: Jehovah"

Aside from my usual tendancy to edit the misspelling (grammar/editorial freak), I started to wonder... Is Prince a Jehovah's Witness?

Now, I don't really know much about Prince, save my aunt was a pair of legs in one of his videos with Leah Thompson in the 80s (it's in this mix somewhere), and I thot that "Peach" song was really sweet.

And regarding the Witnesses, I only have rememberance of them coming to our door a million times uninvited when I was growing up -- which was odd, because we were no where near residential areas...

So I did a little research:

Prince and the Jehovah's Witnesses
Prince has had an interesting career - but many may be unaware of the fact that he has recently converted to the Jehovah's Witnesses. Even fewer are probably aware of the fact that Prince's religious beliefs have begun to filter into his music, including his older music.

Rick Ross writes:
Four years ago the funkster converted reportedly to satisfy his mother’s dying wish, but since then Prince has gone so far as to add religious lyrics to his theme song “Purple Rain.” The new line in the song goes, “Say you can’t make up your mind? I think you better close it and open up the Bible.” Close your mind? Isn’t that like being “brainwashed”?

Prince may have even recast his old battles with record companies into something religious. “I can tell you who made the System,” he told Newsweek cryptically (April 12, 2004). The “System,” according to Prince apparently includes the music recording business that he says once “enslaved” him. But the word “System” has a darker connotation than slavery amongst Jehovah’s Witnesses. It encompasses everything “worldly” outside of the organization, which includes all world governments, businesses and any other religious organizations. And "who made the System” and essentially controls it today? According to the Witnesses its creator and guiding light is Satan.

Evidently, Prince proselytizes door- to-door just like other Witnesses - but unlike other Witnesses, he participates in the "System" in ways that would normally be shunned. When he does proselytize, according to Ross, he goes in a limo with four bodyguards and tailor-made suits. Pity that all Witnesses aren't given the same latitude - but they can't contribute millions to the cause like Prince can. You don't suppose that has anything to do with it, do you?
(taken from this site).

Apparently, he even fought the state of massachusettes on the matter.

But what exactly IS a Jehova's Witness???
A Christian group originating in the United States at the end of the 19th cent., organized by Charles Taze Russell Russell, Charles Taze, 1852–1916, founder of the movement whose followers are known as Russellites, as Bible Students, and (since 1931) as Jehovah's Witnesses , b. Pittsburgh, Pa.

There, he predicted (1872) the second coming of Christ and the millennium. In 1878 he organized his followers as an independent church, whose doctrine centers on the Second Coming of Christ.

The Witnesses believe that the event has already commenced; they also believe the battle of Armageddon is imminent and that it will be followed by a millennial period when repentant sinners will have a second chance for salvation.

The Witnesses base their teaching on the Bible. They have no churches but meet in buildings that are always named Kingdom Hall. There are no official ministers because all Jehovah's Witnesses are considered ministers of the gospel.

Their views are circulated in The Watchtower, Awake!, and other publications and by house-to-house canvasing carried on by members. Since their beginning, the Witnesses have been the subject of harassment virtually everywhere that they have been active. Regarding governments as the work of Satan, the Witnesses refuse to bear arms in war or participate in the affairs of government.

Their refusal to salute the flag brought about a controversy that resulted in a decision in their favor by the U.S. Supreme Court in 1943. The Witnesses insist upon a rigid moral code and refuse blood transfusions.

Before 1931, Jehovah's Witnesses were called Russellites; abroad the movement is usually known as the International Bible Students Association. Active in almost every country in the world, the group has more than 1 million members in the United States.

Other famous Witnesses:
Ida. E. Eisenhower (Dwight's mama)
Katharine Jackson (Michael, Janet, Latoya's mom)
Michelle Rodriguez (hot girl actress)
Lark Voorhies (Lisa Turtle, SBTB)

Who used to be in?
Geri Halliwell (Ginger Spice of the Spice Girls)
Ja Rule
The Wayans Brothers (interesting...)
Naomi Campbell (Think maybe she should have held onto her religious routes, as she's been out around town, bitch slapping everyone and their brother)
Michael Jackson (Same goes for the white-gloved wonder, but for very different, obvious reasons...)

How is this affecting Prince's way of life?
*Well, a much-needed hip surgery wont' be happening, due to dispbelief in, well... surgery.
*his album presentation.
*Singing some of his old-school tunes... not happening!
Some lying around time as, he is traveling door to door like most traditional followers (as previously mentioned).

How would you feel if the teeny, tiny 5'3" Minneapolin (word? ha) showed up on your door pushin' his new (seemingly since 2001 or so...) religion on you?

All of this aside, I'm still wondering if he's just Prince, the Artist formerlly known as prince, or that symbol showcased above his bed on the new album.

I wonder if he knows that to make your self a god-like figure is horribly against the religion?
Of course, that may just be Catholocism...

What a confusing character...

Sign me Up.

2006-05-01T10:34:00.000-06:00

I finally met my neighbors.

Something I've been avoiding because I'm a pretty private person when it comes to my home. My home's my sanctuary and I don't really want total strangers involved in what I do on a daily basis.

Plus, I knew they were older/retired and looking to fix me up with a bunch of the neighbor boys (i'm taken, thank you) when they solicited my mom for information one day when she was outside.

"Hurry Sami. Don't Look. Just get. In. The Car. Go..."

She wasn't wrong...
They are of the "grade A, run-of-the-mill Gladys Kravitz" species.

I came home from work on Friday, blaring Kelly Clarkson and intending to do a quick clothes change, then load Bela into the car to go to the dog park.

One track mind: Dog Park. Dog Park. Dog Park. Dog Park.

"Your dog got tangled up."

What...? Where did that come from?

I look up and my next door neighbor is leaning up against his fence.

"Ooooh... Hi. Have you been the sneaky guy snowblowing my sidewalks and bringing my trash in?"

"Oh yeah.. yeah... it's nice to finally meet you!"

Yeah. Easy to meet when you're sitting outside waiting for me to come home.

Not to mention the fact that he was just in my backyard with my dog, retying her up. I appreciate it, because she was uncomfortable, and I love that people are watching out for her... but jeez...

I was planning on an in-and-out, quick introduction... but then his wife came out, and they talked about how great Heather was (the girl who owned the house before me) and how she loved their flowers and how she had a great dog and how heather did this and heather did that...

"Yeah, well it was great to meet you... I actually--"

"Yeah... Heather used to stare out her window while washing dishes and admire my flower bed."

"Oh... yeah... that's... great!"

How do people miss the bow-out sentence in conversations? I"m a master of this. Everyone always gets it. I even turn to walk away from the conversation...

But these guys just...kept...talking.

After about 40 minutes (i'm not even exagerating) I finally got out of my driveway.

Which is why, I'm saying... Whoever is in charge of my karma and special powers... sign me up for Samantha Steven's nose twitching abilities.

I have:

*:: A Cute Nose
*:: The Name Samantha (I'll find a man with the last name Stevens, if need be).
*:: A Cat
*:: The willing drive to succeed as a Mortal
*:: Not one, but TWO Gladys Kravitz Neighbors
*:: A very expansively bizarre family.

Come on. Help a sista' out!

The worse of the sexes

2006-04-28T09:08:00.000-06:00

Women really are evil.

I swear, we can cry to make anything worse that it really is -

Infringe allogations upon those who've slightly hurt our feelings, then turn around and make them look like devil's advocate.

I am very guilty of this. As are a lot of my closest friends.
After all... isn't this why we get married?
So that we have someone to practice these talents on?

I think so.

One gleaming example is Denise Richards.

Earlier this week, an onslaught of accusations against ex-husband Charlie Sheen came out that he was into gay and child porn (among other things).

Come to find out just a few days later, that these were all intentions for Richards to gain 100% custody of their two children.

Guess that was a pretty effective route when trying to cover up the fact that she's been seeing Richie Sambora (Hottie Locklear's Ex) since November (not March, like she had told everyone else).

Woooopsieeessss.

Omission is betrayal!

I saw this guy I did personal assistant work for go through something similar --- his ex girlfriend took his son to Mexico on 'vacation' and never came back. Now he's without child, frustrated as hell, and spending oodles of $$ on court dates, while the mrs. is accusing him of a number of things that just aren't in his nature.

Not that I knew him on a super-close level, but two months of consistent behavior not demonstrating her accusations kind of makes you think that woman is exercising alterior motives.

What Else?:

*::Britney Spears' pregnancy:
withheld not from the public/her mother,
but allegedly from her long-time record company,
Jive Records, to try and circumvent being
dropped from the label now that she is preggo
and unable to work out/get back into
preforming shape for a new album/tour.

I can't wait til Katie (Kate, as Tom demands we call her now that she's a mom, and not a 5-year-old) Cruise unleashes her rath after all of this Scientology, mind-control bull-shit. She's bound to snap within the next year or so... and then what will we get to hear about the mind-freak that is Tom Cruise?

I have to imagine the above just aren't very good at their trade, because they got caught in their lies. The best ones come off as classy.

Something to think about:
Lesbian Couples: Are they the masters of the aforementioned, or do they just skip trying because they know who they're up against?

It must suck to be...

2006-04-27T14:39:00.000-06:00

Jessica Simpson.

Honestly, every day, a girl or seven break up with their head-over-heels boyfriends to move on to big, usually not-better things.

Jessica Simpson breaks up with Nick Lachey because:

First: she has been rumored to have cheated with the likes of Johnny Knoxville (he's married, with child), Bam Margera and Adam Lavine (who, i'm sorry... has already been promised to Erin black!)

Ok... she's super christian girl who started singing because God blew some wind up her back, and now she's slutting around all over Hollywood?

I doubt it.

Second: she was done with Newlyweds. The show molded them into who they were supposed to be, not who they actually were, thus making the couple grow apart.

I guess that would work, since that pretty much makes it all our fault.

This: she has a creepy relationship with her father (barf), who never liked Lachey to begin with.

*shudders like Mr. Burns.* He just creeps me out hardcore, so I'm not touching that one with, well... any kind of stick-shaped object.

Either way, aren't we lucky that when we lowly, non-celebrity girls decide to go through with cutting ties, we get to snip and go? If all of my ex's got to take such a ride out of the breakup like Mr. 98 degrees here, I think I'd blow a gasket.

We have:

*::An Entire Album devoted to the break up
*::TWO(+?) cover-story articles (Teen People, US Weekly and Rolling Stone on "my side of the story" that clearly doesn't bash Jess, but is sort of a plee for, "please take me back... i still love you... and look - i'm not even publicly slamming you But I am... flexing my Raging Biceps and Washboard Abs! Look at those Lips. You love me!"

You know what... I'd say, "stay true to form and start a damn show about it!" but...

*::Nick already has A 1/2 hour series on MTV about the proccess of the album and how it came to be (which reverts us back to the break-up).

Oh. My Gawd!

I'm not stickin' up for Jess by any means, because I've never been a huge fan, but If I had to put up with that whiney, pansy-ass, little boy bullshit in a break-up that Lachey is throwing out... I'd hire some serious Mafia.

Donde es...?

2006-04-27T14:38:00.000-06:00

Hubs... where your blog be?

Oops...He Did it Again...

2006-04-26T08:09:00.000-06:00

I know this will be on every damn gossip blog around, but a little radio station birdee told me US Magazine confirms that Britney Spears is 4 Months Preggo with Spederline #2.

Good thing she and Kevin make reallllllly cute babies.
Reportedly, when doctor told Britney she was expecting for the second time, "she cried her eyes out."

Who knows...

I know Kevin is the douche we all love to hate, but I bet men all over america are wondering how the hell he has such super sperm.

Does god really enjoy making complete idiots that capable of producing?

I can't imagine he's that much of a tool if the two are boinking/bumping uglys/makin' k-lovin' it up so often.

Maybe... we can even expect another one of these.

Well, that bodes well for me.

2006-04-25T13:29:00.000-06:00

New attitude finally attained.

I choked on my spit this morning and now I can't stop coughing.
I also lost the key to my scooter.
That was a short high.
Looking into getting a new key.

::*I had a huge realization yesterday that in my seeking to try and figure out what's right for me, i'm placing too many premiums on "that which works for everyone around me must be right for me, too."

That was completely the wrong direction to go with that...
So, i'm working on cutting it out and appreciating everyone else's ways of life, but trying to create my very own path for myself.

Sounds like a no-brainer, but i'm such a super-soaker sponge that it's all too easy for me to take on the inner workings of those around me, all while forgeting what exactly it is that i want from myself.

-->Good for observation... but doesn't neccessarily mean i need to make those actions/ideals my day to day routine.

Who do I want to be?
Flighty. Successful. Literary. Travel-Fiend. Open. Loving. Funny.

And frankly, I think I'm pre-destined to marry someone in the spotlight, as I'm excellent at dressing them up all pretty, then showing up all divad to shmooz events, myself.

A Musician's/Actor's Jackie O, if you will.

Be that arrogant or not, I enjoy that immensly, and feedback in such instances have been positive.

****************************************************

I've also been apologizing for every f'ing thing i say/do/don't do as of late, and i'm going to knock that off, as well.

The only way you'll get a sorry out of me now is if I bash you in the shin with a giant metal bat.

And lucky for you, I'm not prone to violence.

everyone Needs a Motivational Speaker.

2006-04-20T10:36:00.000-06:00

This is mine:

Ah, Celebrity

2006-04-20T08:50:00.000-06:00

So...

This is Cheyenne Kimball.

Hot, huh?
Heard of her.

I think I've seen blurbs of her on MTV from time to time.

I think she sounds a bit like Miss. Lavigne out of Canada (Avril, not Adam).

I'd listen to her right now, but i'm at work sans speakers.

Sad.

Apparently, Miss Kimball is coming out with a reality show... kind of like "Ashlee Simpson meets Ashley Parker Angel" without bearing the name Ashley.

What a relief.

The only reason I bring this to discussion is because an aquaintance of mine from High School (who rolled with my Cousin Oakley in the days of punk/alternative band Amnesia and used to sport a bit of a Camel Toe) has now moved on from Avion ("7 Days Without You") to playing bass for this up-and-coming rock chic.

Looks like the move to L.A., befriending the boys in Lifehouse and really sticking it out has really paid off.

Way to go Joey. I"m so proud of you! :-)

Check Cheyenne out on myspace or Epic's Official Website.

Her show will proably hit MTV next season rotation... Summer maybe?

And if you're going to be watching all the 16-year-old snob-fests and the Call-2-Greatness boys beating world records, you'll have time to check out her and her band boys.

Baby Report

2006-04-20T08:25:00.000-06:00

Funnily enough (i've coined the word), after I posted that the other day, Katie popped out her diva girl child: Suri Xenu L. Ronnette Holmes-Cruise.

Longest Name... Ever.
Poor girl.

And Gwyneth again proves she's super smart by bringing her moses out into the public eye so that the paparazzi don't follow them around like hound dogs frothing at the mouth.

Cute baby.

(photo courtesy Perez)

He sure has a smokin' lot of hair for a two week baby.

And really long fingers.

Not too mention G. seems to be without all her baby weight.

oh, how i envy other's dna. I'll be bloated to the nines!

Flight 101: Prepare for Take Off:

2006-04-19T11:57:00.000-06:00

I'm finding out more and more each year that i'm great at the motivation/getting started part... terrible at the follow through.

Examples?:

1. Pi Beta Phi: I know.
Me.
In a sorority.

When I finally arrived at college, I was DYING to be part of greek life. Despite people's negative views, it's a great way to meet fabulous friends, keep you on track with school and get involved with the community.

Hell, some people even make life-long careers out of their greek experience.

My very first week of college, I got up at 7am to get bid sheets, spent countless hours during rush smiling so much my face hurt, digesting tic tacs to keep the breath decent and talking about who I was, where I came from, why I was wearing a sweater when it was 70 degrees outside. Ha.

Six days later, i was accepted into Pi Beta Phi - a group of really beautiful, brainy, diverse women. And I got to be part of the crowd. Fun stuff!

One year, tons of parties, study hours and community service later, I wasn't sure If I would return to NAU in Flagstaff, So I resigned (i think mostly to please a boy), and now that I"m finding all of the old girls on Myspace, I'm wondering if I had stuck with it, if I'd have a lot more tight-knit friends, a handsome, reliable hubby, and a little more of my life figured out...

I seriously think I'd be married by now... and wouldn't that just be funny?

2. College: Man I miss college.
So much so that I'm seriously considering going back in September.

Continuing from Point #1 though...
That second semester, I did end up back in Flag (because of a boy). My living situation was aweful, the guy ended up being a total fraud of what he had portrayed to me over the summer, and so when that semester was up, I was OUT.

Don't get be wrong, my academics were soaring, and I was in the best shape of my life. Focus 1000% of your energy toward school so that you don't think about the rest of your problems, then take WAY too much ephedra in order to try and look hot for a guy (because ephedra = eating nothing and working out three hours a day), and you're going to get these results...

But I called home crying, and let other people talk me into moving home being a good idea, until I figured out where else I wanted to go.

(Hmm... maybe I need to start doing things for myself instead of everyone around me. haha)

The trip home proved to be useful for a lot of other people... I was sort of a grounding post, so I felt useful, and therefore fullfilled. But when it came time to head back out (I was thinking a wicked cool art school in Chicago, or attending University of Puget Sound on the ocean), time was skinny and I had to:

A. Stay home
B. Go back to Flag.

Flag it is, because I couldn't be at home any longer.
Everything turned out keen... and despite moving around a little bit, I'm sure I graduated in four years because if I had taken any longer, I would have gotten bored and quit... but what if I had gone to Chicago? Or Puget Sound?

I'd either be:

A: fat from all the drinking and delish pizza
B: Some ocean chic living in a sweet loft with a hopefully even sweeter boyfriend.

3. My second Move home:
I've kept it pretty under wraps with friends... but I moved back home for awhile.
Denver was great. I needed a change in pace - so instead of being Flighty and doing everything half-assed, I really went all out.

We're talking: putting on the big girl pants and getting a "career" job.
buying a house.
being near family again.

This is all well and good except that my heart and happiness are still in the big city, either waiting for my body to come back or to move on to another thriving big-city scene.

And don't take that as me insulting home or all the people who live here... because i love all of that dearly, but this just isn't for me.

I keep telling myself, "it's only 6 months... it's only 6 months" but i'm sliding every-so-slowly toward two, and having a hard time seeing how I'm going to last four months more.

Amen to the best friends in the world for keeping me busy, and the great job I have to keep me creative, and busy... but this week has been unbelievably hard on me.

And I know you can do anything for a year, and "six months is just a drop in the bucket of life," but what if I die within those next six months and my last time on earth was spent doing something I wasn't happy doing?

That bothers me to no end...

4. Every flippin' day: Do you know how often I get all excited and wound up about a project, but it just never really comes to flourition for me. You can ask a friend of mine who invited me to start a business with her. All sickness, five jobs and strife aside... I just didn't follow through.

And it's sad, because I genuinely want to. On everything i get exciteda bout.
The motivation... the drive is there.
But for some god damn reason, I can't bring myself to finish.

So then I wonder...
How the fuck did I finish school?
How am I a functioning human being?

Back to real life...

I'm sitting at work with this amazing project in my hands, but i have no motivation, therefore, the fear of failure has become completely realized, and of course you can see my frustration and depression this week are entirely too real...

Home was supposed to refresh and revive me... instead, I just feel like all my insecurities and doubts have not only surfaced, but are beating me around with a big, giant, whipping stick!

Sorry to be such a downer. I hope everyone is thriving. I will be soon...

Distracted

2006-04-19T10:52:00.000-06:00

This could very well be the coolest, yet scariest, things I have ever seen.

The Clock is Ticking...

2006-04-18T12:41:00.000-06:00

How is it that Gwyneth seemed to only be preggo for about three months (with Moses Martin, born Apr. 8) and Katie Cruise and Gwen Stefani are taking nearly 17 years to pop out their god damn children!?

Jesus. Have you kids already!
Or you know, just stay out of the spotlight so much so that we don't have to wait so long for your babies to arrive.

Chris, Gwenyth and Apple came into Zaidey's downtown right around my birthday (Feb. 20) and my boy waited on them...
She's all beautiful, glowy and gracious and 8 1/2 months pregnant?! I thought she may have been pushing about 5 months then. That's insane.

Big fat thanks to the Martins for being so 'normal' in celebrityville and esp. for the sweet drawings you left at your table that are now in my kitchen :-)

Chris draws a mean pumpkin, and little Apple has little, little hands.

Wanted: Dog Whisperer

2006-04-18T12:13:00.000-06:00

There are a few things I am expert at making look easy, but taking care of a dog is NOT one of them.

I grew up with a dog...

a dog that would go on all-day field trips by himself through the woods, visit our two neighbors (incidently, my aunts) and head home to sleep by the livingroom window.

A major truck stop was located just over a mile up the road where he'd jump in to people's truck beds, steal their groceries, and carry it back for a picnic on our front lawn.

Really. Cool. Dog.

I expect all other dogs need to be just like him:
Easy, independent and free of peeing all over the mother fucking house!

My current house guest, has already torn up my carpet, dug a big hole in my backyard and runs defiantly into my neighbors garages. I knows she's laughing at me as I akwardly creep onto their land to snag her by the collar, then drag her back home as she drops her body weight and acts like she's choking down her last breath all the way into my backyard.

Such a drama queen (just like her dad).

Not to mention that incessant WHINING that goes on 42 minutes out of each hour.
Seriously... i'm going to rip the little vocal chords right out of the throat...

I'm going out of my mind, missing my mom-free lifestyle, and getting a lot less sleep.
And less sleep = a very, very bitchy Sami.

Cursed that stupid, stupid dog.
I love her. I'm totally a dog person. She really is fabulous, but
I've got 99 problems and this bitch is one.

The Power of PoonTang.

2006-04-17T15:44:00.000-06:00

Isn't it funny, that wherever you go, your cycles start getting intune with all other bitches around you?

My sorority in college had 98 girls involved. About 1/3 of them lived in house (dorm). And usually, all of them had their time of month at the same time of month.

I haven't really been around girls lately on a daily basis, but now that I have one right across from me at work... we're sharing the same calendar dates in regards to our period after only a month.

And I thot it was funny that my uterus has the power to command other women to join me in its misery.

That's one powerful sexual organ. I'd like to see the penis do that!

I wonder if this oddity is done to repay all the men around us for their stupidity. Raging hormone bitchfest for 3-7 days. All the while, our cycles delay themselves to match up, making us sexually active females worry if we're carrying a child.

REAL FUNNY.

Well... Solved that Problem

2006-04-14T09:29:00.000-06:00

The older I get, the more I realize that as different as we all are, we pretty much all experience the same time-tested hang-ups and situations in regaurds to personal relationships:

I'm still testing the waters to see which ones I'm still missing, and which one will work most idealy for me.

But so far, I have it pegged down to:

1. The relationship full of turmoil.

2.The lustful pining (i.e. (s)he's dating/fucking more people than just me...)

3.The "shmoop-factor, hang around and make everyone throw up because you're so cute" relationship.

4.The "this is fun, but you'd be a better best friend" trial period.

5. And then you have the "this is it. i saw them and just knew they were it" individual.

Now, the last one is beautiful because the person that has been gifted this spot will always and forever (even tho they're probably not the one) do no wrong in your eyes. Even though they'll pull the same sneaky stuff as the other people, you tend to miss it, put up with it, etc. etc. etc. because your heart, gut and head told you this person was good shit.

It is not beautiful in that when you feel this for someone, they usually do not recipricate those feelings, as they are directing those feelings toward another individual.

In the rare occurance that you have a "Notebook" romance, you usually turn into couple number "3" (see above) without the disgusting part, and then you're just lucky.

The sad thing, now, is that I had that individual until last weekend.

Add some liquor, some bitter/hurt feelings of being shufted aside for five/six months and a boost of confidence from one of your best friends to make a phone call... and you're going to rock the boat.

I didn't really say anything unwarranted on the phone, but after a retarded e-mail reply from the above person just moments after I called him (i'm sorry, but you've sent me WAY too many of these)... I had some time to stew some more, get a little more angry, and throw some really mean words back to his e-mail account.

So now, instead of feeling angry, I just feel embarassed and regretful and I'm pretty sure he could care less.

And I just wanted to take this time to reflect on that, because despite my angry words, I really am fragrantly disapointed.

I also wanted to let that person know that you did have that spot in regaurds to my perspective... and maybe if you knew that, you'd know you're not half as bad as you beat yourself down to be... because I didnt' just pull my opinion from nowhere.

Thanks for giving me hope that one day, maybe i'm going to deserve better than what i've been putting myself through for the last five years.

But I guess it's time for me to find a new one...

oh, drag.

2006-04-05T22:33:00.000-06:00

I have fat cow disease.

this means:
my ass is fat.
my thighs are fat.
my arms are really fat
my budah is making an extra, special, overstayed appearance!

all while eating decent and working out.

hence, the fat cow disease.

grrrrrreeeeeaaaat.
stupid hormones.

if you're concerned, please feel free to leave your expert diet/exercise tips, or send me fat pills at my new address.

New Crush

2006-04-04T08:51:00.000-06:00

Since I'm pretty sure in about two months or so, this drew fellow will be showing up in a few magazines as the new stud around town. I"m calling him, right now...really early in the game, just so none of you other persnickity females can lay dibs.

He's MINE!!!

Last night, Call to Greatness premiered on MTV, and I found myself a new dreamboat --- nice, cause it's been awhile.

The premise?: "JackAss" with a purpose: Travel around the U.S. looking for world records to break.

Completely shot at 11:30pm, I wasn't going to stay up to watch, but as soon as I saw the commercial trailer with a trampoline race, I was committed til' midnight.

Last night's breaking records?:
Most kicks to the head in One minute (my man Drew; 45 - later beat out by another one of the crew at 49)
Longest distance of a marshmallow shot out of one's nose into another man's mouth (17 feet, 8 inches).
Longest Egg Toss/Catch (Failed!)
Most man weight on a zip line delivered the longest distance (1200ft).
Most Lunges done on an Escalator (122)
Longest moonwalk in an hour (1.69 miles).

My whole post about this MTV show (that actually is entertaining... not dating trash, like all the other usual visual vomit) is mostly motivated by the school-girl crush i developed over the half-hour program - but also that I was laughing at the complete random scenarios...

As Oakley had pointed out, "Why are they doing this in a desert? With adobes all around? That's not neccessary."

MTV actually gets it right once in awhile. I was beginning to loose hope, cause VH1 has royally been kicking your ass since 2001.

Now, I can't wait for the trampoline race, and I"m guessing if I were still in college, I'd be piling all of my best girls from 7th Floor South in Sechrist Hall into my dorm room to tune-in every Monday Night.

The double whammy is this Drew Character. Go look at the photo gallery. Ha-cha-cha-cha.

So if you know him, or have means to know him... please, do have him look me up, because I think he's:

A) got a fabulous sense of humor
B) dresses beautifully
C) has gorgeous teeth
D) great hair
E) and i love the fact that he smiles a lot
and
F) is goal-driven.

And i'm totally down to walk around like a complete klutz if that means I get to do so in the good graces of such a beautiful man.

April Fool

2006-04-02T17:54:00.000-06:00

I didn't play any mean jokes yesterday.

The ones that I could have pulled were subjective to coming back to bite me in the ass, so i figured I should leave well-enough alone, and spend the day bbqing, cruising around town on my new favorite possession (which i really think makes people happy because they all smile when you ride by on something no one else in town has posession of) and having a free-for-all "food day" with Robbie.

Today, rather than simmer in the hate that i have for "Daylight Savings Time" -- my all-time, least-favorite occurance during the year -- i've been trying to get my life organized and back into shape.

Feeling good, seeing as how most of the time, i'm doing this for other people...

This means:

**a clean car
**a stream-lined phone plan (I went over nearly $100 the last two months from... TEXT MESSAGES?!?!?!!?!??!!? I spent a good chunk of my afternoon on the phone with customer service and cut my prices a jillion.. $80 is little to ask for my spansive plan.
**bill pay directly from my checking account (SO COOL! has anyone else discovered this?) --- it ain't no online-bill pay from the website -- but from your bank... they send out payments to businesses when you say "go." So cool... And saves me cash on Stamps.
**Clean sheets
**Clean Curtains (who knew if i washed them once, it's shrink them to the size i needed. happy coincidence= serendipity)
**Clean House

I've also come to the peace of mind that my initial plan set forth in February, albiet hard at the time, was a good one... I miss denver dearly and have already become bored with Rapid City.

Really bored.

I mostly miss the little things... St. Marks Cafe Mochas...Really Tall buildings, walking two blocks to great pizza, a stellar flower shop, "Buzz" Central and this little vintage "marylin" style store... music every night of the week... city noise... normal drivers...hustle... central airport... mountains... stores/vendors open later than 9pm...my independence away from our so-called family dynasty (yuck to the 9th factor... i'm starting to judge some family members a lot less...).

Ok, it's basically all things. But there's the bonus baby, great friends and always somewhere to be other than home. Oh yeah... and Cake. REALLY GOOD CAKE from Piece of Cake.

Plus, the place I worked all through college... it's bottomless free beverages whenever I choose. Very cool..

I"m glad to be here doing my thing to help out where I can for awhile, but being here has restored my thots even further that I either need to head back to Denver in a few months, or most likely, another big city on the map (i'm really leaning toward Chicago right now, despite the cold... it's still central, near water, and cool as hell!).

I wasn't aware that Easter was coming up so fast on the 16th of April... I"m either staying here or heading to Boston to watch a good friend of mine run the Marathon. I've always wanted to check out Beantown, so here's a great opportunity...

For now, it's quality time with my brother and his pooch who is the wildest woman around...
hopefully tomorrow, i'll have something smarmy and witt-telligent words to share with you all.

Until then, I bid you a wonderful lazy Sunday afternoon (and more sunshine at night!).

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing...

2006-03-30T10:16:00.000-07:00

That I had something productive to do right now...

Instead, I figured i'd create something productive.

Good Week.

I mean, really... good week.

I got cable, a dozen brownies in the mail (thanx chesterfield) and order confirmation in my e-mail today that i can expect Matty nay's new Release on Monday :-) WOOO!

Rock the Nathanson!

Best of all...

today, at 1pm, i pick up...

dun dun dun...

My very own SCOOTER!

WOOOOOOOOOOO.

And so that clears room for me to write about lots of other really random stuff.
As soon as I think of something worthwhile and interesting.

Man, That Really GRINDS MY GEARS.

2006-03-27T08:21:00.000-07:00

I'm not in particularly groucho mood today, but Man, l have got to tell you... not only is that the worst fucking sweater i have ever seen (IT"S A COSBY SWEATAH!), I'm sure noticing a hell-ov-a-lot of things around me that are either mildly confusing, annoying or just really Grind My Gears.

So rather than repeat, "You know what really grinds my gears? It really grinds my gears when..." we're going to intertwine each of the below annoyances into a multiple choice quiz, so there's at least something fun about all of these overtly obnoxious things:

1. I incurred a raging stomache ache Thursday/Friday, seemingly healthy demeanore all weekend (Dragon Ramone and I even jumped on the trampoline), and now, last night... A las, I am sick to my stomach again.

"Remember when I ate those Toquitos and threw up all over the grocery store?"
"Ugh! I Hate Throwing up in Public."
"Ah! Me, Too!"

This Quote is from:

A: The Truth About Cats and Dogs
B: Romy And Michelle's High School Reunion
C: Mean Girls
D: Wayne's World

2. Did you know that country music really is really terrible and that people in South Dakota really do listen to it all hours of the day? No, really!

Did you also know that a bunch of pretty awesome mainstream tunes have been made into country songs and kicky country stations play them about four times a day, every day, during the given hours of 8am - 5pm (Maybe that's where my stomach ache is coming from).

Which of the following does not make my ears bleed and heart sink every 2-3 hours?

A: Verticle Horizon's "Best I Ever Had" by some country Dude.
B: Ryan Adam's "When the Stars Go Blue" by some country Dude.
C: Dave Matthew's "Crash Into Me" by some Country Dude.
D: Bon Jovi's "It's Alright, S'Allright, S'Alright, S'Alright, S'Alright, S'Alright... Cause you Can't Go Home," By Bon Jovi.

3. So, I have very generous aunts and uncles. While I was out to dinner with Aunt #1 (celebrating my birthday over Tirimisu last night), Aunt #7 and her boys dropped over two really cool lamps that just didn't fit in their house with their decore. I liked them, so I figured I could work them into my new abode.

Too bad my room has a closet on every wall and i can't get it to work the right away.
What would you suggest?

A: Put the lamp somewhere else.
B: Just make it fit, you whiney bitch.
C: Knock out a wall and make two bedrooms one. It'll fit then... Yeah...
D: Deal without. Christmas lights work fine.

Shortay for now... i'll be back with more later.
I need to meet my pepto quota for the day... urghhh...

Pokey Adrenal

2006-03-21T15:56:00.000-07:00

Me. My Car... who's next?

I've heard "i'm stressed! I'm stressed," from so many people on so many different spectrums of the life chart...

Sadly, I think i've used that statement more in the last 8 or 9 months than I'd ever let on...

Which is funny, because I've never really had the tendency to get stressed.
It never made much sense to me, because overall... everything always ends up ok, always gets done, and always comes to flourition... there is really no need to sit around and fray your nerves about all the "small stuff."

Hello... they wrote an entire book about it...

But the last eight or nine months? Oi! Stress a-mundo.
The teeniest, tiniest, itt-bittiest thing would throw me on a stress-loop. I was having major problems just being myself and responding accordingly to people who were just being helpful or suggestive. So.... not like me.

So much so, that I went into my alternative health care/chiropractic guy to check it out.
Turns out, my Adrenals are totally blown to bits.

What does this mean translated to middle school english?

ADRENALS:
The adrenals are our energy and stress system. When we are under a great deal of stress, we will usually blow out our B-complex vitamins which in turn will eventually blow out our adrenal systems, as it is this system that takes over when we are too tired to function, and yet we continue to push ourselves. When your B-vitamins and adrenals have been blown out, symptoms will begin to appear. At first you may feel more tired than usual, eventually looking for a nap in the afternoon. You may find you cannot handle the littlest stress in your life and eventually, you may find you are not able to sleep at night even though you are very exhausted. This deficiency becomes overwhelming to the body and it seems as though you are on a merry-go-round. You are very tired, but cannot sleep, and so you become even more tired and drained. In order to help heal the adrenals, it is imperative to reduce stress in your life as much as possible. Remember healing yourself is your responsibility and although you cannot heal others, you can make conscious decisions in your life as far as what is and what is not acceptable.

Well, geez.

That makes so much sense.

No wonder I could drink 42 oz of cafe mocha in an hour and not have it affect me...

My poor body.

Just like the battery in my car, it's shot to bits, even though i've tried to facilitate it beyond it's capacity. Seems my circumstances were doing the same to my system.

Hooray for repair. My battery should only take half hour. I feel this adrenal business is going to take just a tad bit longer...

Hahaha... I said, "adrenal."

Home, Sweet Home

2006-03-16T00:43:00.000-07:00

I bought a house.
And I've been working on it a lot.

I finally bought a new camera today... so here are some pictures: :-)

My kitchen... painted, and I put a wood stain on all teh cabinets. used to be real boring and just cream-colored before. - also redid the backspashbehind the stove. I love it.

Below are also a bunch of photos of my livingroom, my bedroom, my guestbed/drum room (lame right now) and bathroom... no outside photos yet because the colors aren't smokin' cool on the outside yet so... there ya go :-)

R.I.P. my bike.

2006-03-14T22:24:00.000-07:00

I would call myself an avid bike rider.
That was until the last year when i let the 'hubby' borrow it to go to work one day and he blew out the front tire.

Big suprise.

Mysteriously, a week later, the rear tire blew out, as well.

No big deal... you just get new inner tubes for $2.99 at REI or something...

Anyway... the glorious day that I closed on my new home, just two weeks ago, I thought it fit to drive straight over to my abode and unload the massive amount of shit packed tightly in my car.

I have no garage, but I do have a car port. Something I actually really enjoy because it does the job right, and will make a neat little patio place in the summer.

Unfortunately, I wasn't brainy enough to think that my bike may not clear the roof of the port upon pulling into my driveway. Even atop my car, I totally thought it would clear an easy 3" or 4".

Wrong.

I pulled under and felt a nice snug *thunk.*

Damnit...

My thot proccess developed as such:

Shall I leave the car in, and try to pull the bike off of my car roof to refrain from causing any more damage?

-or-

Shall I back up so that i have clear access to the bike, the rack, and my car?

Yeah... that second one sounded like a much better idea.

I threw my stick into reverse and backed up with a jerk to the gas break ( I thot ripping off the perverbial bandaid would be quick and painless).

Instead, The rack bent into my car, snapped in half, ripped the entire seat off of my gorgeous mountain bike, then snapped the front frame of the bike in half.

You know that moment that you know you just fucked up royally and you sit there cringing, wonder how you could have made such a collossal idiot decision?

There it was.

And when it passed, I cried for 10 minutes, not even about the bike, really.
More about the culmination of change that had occurred over the last 24 hours.
And, "How the fuck am I doing this all right now?"

Fuck, man. Now it's sitting in a pathetic little pile in my car port. Sad, sad bike.

Sad, sad sami.

I guess it's all the more reason for me to get a moped.

R.I.P. my beautiful little bike...
1994-2006.
(picture refrained out of respect to the bike).

Booooooo.

**i'm going to be an auntie times two.

***if you're looking for cheap entertainment, come over. I didn't see anything yet, but I keep hearing little kitty feet fly across my wood floors and then *SLAM!* against the wall.
I'm not totally sure what's going on, but i'm pretty sure it's worthy of AFV status. :-)

Going Cuban.

2006-03-10T00:50:00.000-07:00

I've decided to veer directly off the path of relaxed blues, greens, purples and browns (the sami norm) to make my little kitchen very... cuban cigar box. Bright Orange, tea-stained walls and wood-finished cabinets. It's gonna be hot!

I've just decided my bedroom is dedicated to Maynard (Brown, earthy-colored... with just a splash of green) and my kitchen is allllll Holiday. Wahoo!

Ok, enough queer eye.

I'm laughing because I've been railing on people for the last few weeks about how it's not YOUR, it's You're (or vice versa), and low and behold, this great guy with whom I went to High School (i think three grades ahead of me) e-mailed me today and pointed out that my Matty Nay Quote up top o' the blog is totally in the wrong context.

How did I miss that for an entire year +? That is so fag.

I think I'll have a new layout coming anyway... Or I'll just fix it.

Just goes to show that:
1. Most people just don't give a flying rats ass.
2. Don't notice those things.
3. That what bugs you most about people is, in fact, those things in which you do yourself.

(a gleaming example;

a friend called me today with news of a moochtastic relative...

"funny...," i thought. "you used to do that same thing to me...")

**Did ya'all know that Kirby Puckett Passed? SUCK!
**Anyone down for Salsa Dancing in my kitchen?

Biddy biddy bom bom (what movie is this from??? oh yeah...)

More interesting stuff coming soon...Honestly... I'd like to write something uber drama-filled... but alas, my life is drama free.

... and proud. :-)

Like, Oh my gawd! Finally...!

2006-03-08T23:24:00.000-07:00

I was going to try to give up criticisms for lent but:

1. Oakley brings out the criticizing bitch in me.
2. About 97% percent of my humor stems from snotty remarks (cause blundt honesty, even when brutal) is pretty hilarious, and I'd rather be witty than quiet library girl.

Where?: the local coffee joint.

What?: Making fun of a guy (i'll link you later if you e-mail me so you can judge for yourself, tho you won't get the full affect without his boistrous, self-rightious attitude) that used "me" and "I" 15 times within the course of the two minutes (Oakley counted).

Why?: He took his gracious time to walk over to me, my friends, and about 70 other groups of people in the coffee bar, with hands on waist, to not-so-subtely revolve ours (and every one elses') conversation around himself, how he's amazing at music, going to L.A. because "his brother has connections," and that he cut the brownie Teresa and I were sharing.

Seriously. You're not good. I have some really awesome friends in denver that are amazing in talent and don't lay around and brag about themselves. I did a little booking as well as other involvement and did an appauling amount of research and a large span of music writing for a publication revolving around just that... I hate to pull the "i know better than you" card, but it's something i'm confident about. My friends dont' trust me in regaurds to music for nothing...

However, I very much encourage you to move to L.A. and figure it out for yourself - because someone needs to get you off that pedastal and knock some sense into you. Learn from Experience! It's the best route!

Sadly, In this case, I think the fall from the top will be pretty crushing, as the crowd you pulled to support you while you performed your two songs tonight was very impressive. I didn't get it... why would a "friend" feed you with false confidence? Hurting, not helping.

Wow. I sound so... "Denver Message Board." Sorry. Had to get it out.
This singer/songwriter guy really did annoy me this much.

Ok, you've caught me. I"m back in Rapid City, SD... throw it in a book... "big city girl moves back to tiny town and goes through big life change."

Yes... that's "that chapter" right now...

And i've easily stepped into the snotty city girl role. The typical bitch chic you see in all of the movies.

Judging. Judging.... JUDGING!

i'm wildly exaggerating...but the book is better that way.

So much for that whole lent deal... but jackasses like this guy make it so damn easy.

More to come on a regular basis (me hopes)...

Other news:
*I have a new job: marketing assistant/director --- helping to revamp a company in a huge turnaround... i love it.
*Bought a house, so my free time is consumed with "Samantha Stewart" home projects.
*Our family shmitty pants Gabriella died yesterday :-(
...way bummed!

Here's to her.

Wow

2006-01-22T21:04:00.000-07:00

Some people amaze me.

The sheer ability to just do whatever because they really know what they want, and damn, do they get it, because they've got drive.

I'm sitting here sifting through listings on Craigslist and looking at just about any location's living supplies just to look. I like to look around the world and see what style is available and for how much.

Shitty apartment in NY for $625

Amazing Downtown LOFTS in Atlanta, GA (here, here and HERE) for around $800 with a rooftop balcony (i.e. reminds me of that apt. in the new reese witherspoon movie - i think this is my favorite...)

Really cool stuff in Nashville.... spensive, but how much fun would it be to live on music row? And hi, this 1940s home is gorrrrrgeous, and pretty cheap for a 4bedroom house.

Single beach apartment home for $340 in Sydney Australia.

I mean, seriously... cool. I had a roomate in college who went to study abroad in Australia for a semester - she ended up meeting the love of her life there, and moved back indefinately. I'm pretty sure she's still there.

It amazes me how people just leave like that, and just fly with it. SO freaking cool.

I'm totally ready in the next 8 months or so to just pull a completely random act and suprise everyone with some major decision.

And i hope to actually follow through with that...

Hrmm..

2006-01-22T00:03:00.000-07:00

I'm really realizing this weekend just how fickle i am.
Letting other people decide my life path for me...
Going with it, then dodging things last minute.
Stressing about things that are completely in my control, but instead of just ripping off the god damn bandaid, i wait around for someone else to do it for me.

what. the. fuck. is my problem?
i am putting myself through absolute misery because i can't step up and make a fucking decision.
i'm fucked. for life.
completely fucked.

this is so fucking frustrating... but letting that peverbial 'band-aid' hang half-off the wound allows me to go to and from each thing without completely closing any door. i hate closing doors. i hate it. hate it. hate it. Oh yeah, did i mention, i hate it?

ok. so here's the book idea i've been watiting for...
life started when i finally ripped off that band aid.
maybe i should just start hashing shit out all over the place, and see where it takes me. and then call the book "burning bridges" or stick with the whole bandaid theme and put some hot girls' arm with some picked-off bandaid hanging loosely from her pale, white skin...
Actually... I think i'd call it something like... On/OFF:Autopilot

Yeah... there it is. there's the book. and it'll be all awe-inspiring to millions of girls just dying to have the book made into the next big movie, oprah adds it to her book club, and then i don't have to do jack shit for the rest of my life!

it's a plan!

ugh. i feel so gross. can't my option be: curl up in a ball and be depressed?
cause that's how i feel.

at least i've started sneezing again. this is the first time in about three weeks.
woo.

*::but i'll learn to get by...on the little victories::*

trailed by a mess
of masking tape construction paper
and the best of intentions
he tried to patch up every hole as he went
back and forth and back again
and his friends half full of half concerns
embarassed looks and tired words
they burrowed deeper into the ignorant
little lives they preferred
and he envied their distance
their lack of concern
he thought,
Once I shed the whole of me...
Once I shed the whole of me...

Then I'll be smiling.

They litter me with small awareness'
then they ask if i'm good enough
they litter me with small awarenesses
just to wake me up
why do the fools wake me up...?

oooh! i went the lyric route. you know i'm bummed out when i go there.
arg.

Lifetime...on Your Resume??

2006-01-20T12:46:00.000-07:00

So I just was flipping through channels and paused on lifetime because the ever-lovely "Unsolved Mysteries" was on.

And I had to stop and have a looky-loo because i swear to god, in the re-inactment of some school bombing, Jim Caviezel was the bomber.

And it made me wonder...

Do you really think that when you looked at an Actor's bio, you would see:

Angel Eyes - Dead Ghost Guy
Passion of the Christ - Jesus
Unsolved Mysteries - Bomber #1 in Re-inactment 3 of 5, episode 22.

I mean, there's so many possibilities of just, really bad acting jobs of really big actors we're missing, that VH1 could make an ENTIRE show about...

Wouldn't you watch?

Wow...

2006-01-17T09:52:00.000-07:00

So, I was checking the traffic on this baby the other day and it was up from about 30-60 peeps/day to 300!?!? Where are all of you coming from, and why the hell don't you leave witty comments?

I better start writing more trivial stuff to spawn some conversation... and more, like I said I would, but haven't, because I've been sick as a mother f-in dog (sorry).

I have a lot of stuff spread around, but i'm saving it for just a little bit longer.

On a positive note, for once... someone called yesterday and just GAVE me some really awesome tickets to the Broncos playoff game this Sunday. Insanely random, and very gratious!

And something else that makes me want to puke:

Everyone already has a jillion and seven problems with "tomkat" because it's all a bunch of bullshit --- and if you don't hate them already, you will after i tell you that for Katie's Bday, Tom got her a big basket of Dvd's of every, single movie he's ever done in chronological order.

Uh... Wow... THat's um... really... amazing!

I bet if you stacked all the movies up end to end (not tall, like pancakes) that the movies would still be about 800 times taller than Mr. Cruise Himself... tho i wonder if you stacked only the good ones, if Tom would tower over them.

Come on' Katie. You don't have to be stuck just cause you're knocked up. GET A BRAIN.

Jebus

2006-01-09T14:23:00.000-07:00

So, i've spent every day save today IN my lovely bed with my lovely mom on the following cycle:

1. drink a liter of water.
2. try to get some form of nutrient down (yogurt, boost, watermellon, ice cream)
3. try not to swallow much because it hurts like a mofo
4. take some vicodin
5. pass out.

This is on a four hour cycle, meaning I've consumed roughly 28-32 VICODIN's in the last five days, the variance due to having to up my dosage, as one pill just isn't cutting it anymore.

10mg tablets, every four hours - that's some heavy shit... and i still have 2 refils (80 more pills) if so needed.

Today, I'd have to say, is the sorest, worst day - because new tissue from my throat is being exposed and all that grey mossy stuff sticking to my throat right now (i'm guessing) is choosing to clear away- and I tried to go into work today and wasn't having much luck.

I feel bad because i've been out of work for nearly a month now due to being sick, and now due to recovery (i think i just used the word "due" about 800 timse now, but that is due to me feeling horrendous due to the vicodin dose) that i feel bad because i keep getting asked left and right to get stuff done for work, and i'm not feeling capable - at all. Not because I don't want to ... but because I just can't, and vicodin is harsh, and being in the car makes me feel like i went on some nasty circus ride.

Fear thee not, my friends --- because there is lots of change coming, and as soon as this healing is all out of the way, i will be flying all up in your area with accomplishment and tasks finished, ready to help you to 1008% of my ability.

i hope this made sense. if not, i'll be back later, but i'm literally about to fall over --- stupid vicodin. can you believe it... i'm flippin sick of ice cream.

and i haven't pooped for a week. how's that? it's not great!

i'll probably loose about 30 lbs when i finally am able (which is when i'll finally not be taking serious pain killers anymore).

thank god for moms tho. at least mine. she rocks casbah. i wish she was still here... now i'm just glad i have my cats .

CATS!

ANd i'm o---

*THUMP*

Hospital, Hospital Like it Like It

2006-01-05T22:14:00.000-07:00

16 gold stars who can name where the above quote comes from. Very obscure...

I am proud to say that as of today at about 12:pm, I am tonsil-less.
And you should totally look into my throat, beacuse it GI-Normous -kind of like the Grand Canyon of Throats.

I can see men loving this... mwa ha.

I went into the hospital around 10 to greet the teeniest, tiniest 90-year-old woman who was working as a VOLUNTEER at the front desk, went through registration, and then stripped down to nothing but my "underpanties" and a hospital gown to lay on a roller guerney and answer a million questions about my health history.

Nurse Mary rolled me into the operating room and made me transfer onto a surgical table, then hooked me up with a heated blanket. Niiiiiice.

At ll:57am, I was administered anesthetic.

I got a little nervous, and could tell by how the heart rate monitor raised noticably. I slowed to a deep breath, but it seemed to interchange at a regular pace.

Before I knew it, my doctor was asking me to think of something amazing because when I woke back up, it's what I would be thinking about.

I couldn't think of anything off the top of my head, so the nurse suggested holding a powerball ticket and remember her name when I won. ha. I should have just thought about flying down the street on a vespa.

This lethal fume starting a journey up my esophogus and into my throat and mouth. I started coughing violently. I felt like I was in some sort of concentration camp - but before I could even have the chance to really cough out a lung or cover my mouth, I was passed out cold.

I woke up coughing again and not dreaming of that pleasant thought. I kept my eyes closed, but opened them just a moment to scan my surroundings. The clock on a far wall read 12:32pm, and because I knew my mom was there, I reverted back to high school and wanted to bolt out of bed, as though I had slept in too late and was going to be scolded.

I had the nicest nurses. They tried to find my mom, but they said she had went to lunch. Seemed odd to me, but I thot maybe she had ran to target (she thinks everythign in my house smells like Cat Urine... awesome. And since I can't smell, I have no one around to tell me when i'm breating in cat waste. No wonder I get headaches all of the time). She had mentioned stocking up on new beddings because Holiday had targeted both of the comforters on my bed, and even though I cleaned them religiously, it was still potent with their glow-in-the-dark pee.

Gross.

I sat up quickly and starting coughing a bit more. Odd though, my throat barely hurt. Morphine, i'm guessing.

After I was sitting for awhile, my nurse inserted another huge shot of medicing into the IV in my hand to kill pain, and my mom showed up with a little white kitten (how cute is she?). All soft and lush... i love stuffed animals haha.

Apparently, the doctor had told her my tonsils still looks like ass, were of enormous porportions and also said he was very happy for them to be out. I kind of wanted them, but they were up in some lab being checked out for rare diseases or something.

I didn't get to keep them, but I think they looked a little something like this:

or this:

Gross, yeah? Damn bacteria Mongers.

As Bill Cosby Put it... "Your tonsils are like Soldiers, throwing grenades, shooting guns; fighting that war. Well, son... your's just lost. In fact, they're fighting on the other side... and if you don't get them out of your body, they're going to kill you"

I asked a million questions, but the one that i'm still pondering, because I didn't think about it until this afternoon, was how the hell they moved me back on to the guerney from the operating table...

Now, other than being pretty tired (not sleepy tired, just relaxed tired), I've been doing really well. My mom and I layed in my lush new bed hook-up and watched Gilmore Girls all day. I drank a million Boosts and even tried chicken noodle.

I've heard that just like working out, "the third day is the worst" because the "scab" that forms on your throat starts peeling --- not groovy - makes me want to barf. But Emily (who just had the surgery a few months ago) assured me there is no nappy scab, but green moss that grows for a few days (i don't know about you, but the first thing I thot of was a chia pet). I've set my alarm every four hours on my phone incase of dosing off to prevent having to deal with the pain...

I'm suprised at how non-sick I feel though. Maybe this has to do with the popcicles the nurse game me... I've been walking around the house, sleeping an hour here and there, getting up to eat, water plants, text message my best ones, and then repeat the cycle. I think i've seen about 9 episodes of Gilmore Girls: 5th Season and I"m about to settle in for AFV. What a dork!

Anywho, i wasn't trying to give you some dumb report on my current health plan, but I can't sleep at the moment, wanted to let my mom pass out (Because she's sick with a heinous sinus cold as well) and felt like writing... since I don't have really any desire to talk very much, because it feels like I just sang for about three days straight, I'm making you suffer the longest of long e-mails.

Fun!

So, if you're bored, why dont' you read some other blogs, or celerity crap. My favorite: Pink is The New Blog. I've gotten about 40 of my friends hooked over the last year, so don't be suprised if you start checking in daily to see what's going on with Skanky Federline, Paris, Ho-Han and the Olsen girls... ha.

Also, if you're on My Space, why don't you Harrass me there. Because like so many others out there, i'm freaking ADDICTED.

Hope the rest of you are all doing fabulous... I've had some interesting thing happen to me this week and want to share them with you, but will probably wait until tomorrow or Friday.

Until then my dears, stay sa-weet... stay groovy :-)

Coming to a Town near you

2006-01-02T21:57:00.000-07:00

My little sis sent me this today.

I'm still wondering what they do... will someone call the number and let me know?

I tend to lean toward the legman and boobguy.

Monday, Monday

2006-01-02T15:54:00.000-07:00

So, apparently, the big boss man forgot to inform me that today is a Holiday.

What?

It's freaking January 2. NOT the first. NOTChristmas. NOT My Birthday (it's on Presidents' day this year, so enjoy your day off, bitches!).

No.. It's the SECOND DAY of January.

Now, excuse me if it's your birthday or something, but I didn't know we got to take an entire day off, just because new years day fell on a weekend and people just couldn't bare to come back to work the next day.

Pu-lease. You had an entire day YESTERDAY to nurse your hangovers.

So... maybe i'm just really excited because I haven't worked for three weeks straight and am rearin' to go.
And rearin' I am, because I'm the only one in the office today, so I'm able to get a lot done, and nobody's callin.

I'd like to be anywhere but home today. Stupid laying around the bed for so long has jaded me, and now i'm anti-bed.

Sorry future boy toys... we're going to have to find a new place to do the deed!
Ok.. that was innapropriate.

But laugh moment of the day... and I knew one day, this would happen... but I have a rollerchair here at work.

I stand up a lot, move around often... i'm always multi-tasking about three chores at a time.
Today, i did such that i missed the chair completely and feel smack on my ass... VERY WHITE, short skirt and all.

Laughed a bit. Pretty glad no one was around to see it, though I would have glowed at the chance to make someone smile/laugh.

Can you say chi-to-the-pol-to-the tle???

That's where i'm heading. More interesting stuff later...
[btw.. grandpa is gggggggreat. thanks for good thots if you sent 'em].

Happy New Year

2006-01-01T23:05:00.000-07:00

[insert funny new years pic from last night here due to current lack of camera]

Oh wait! I have one from last year...:

Drink much?

I didn't.

No... it was pretty mellow at the Lien household.
And by mellow, I mean mellow, stretched out on the couch with face planted into the cushion because I was so tired! I did at least make it til' midnight, though.

I'm not really one for making resolutions on the new year -- only because about 85% of the people bail on those things, and i'd hate to become some statistic... but since I"m kind of going through this whole revitalization phase, I do have some things that I would like to work on...

And the fact that this coincides with Jan 1 just happens to be some bizarre happenstance.

1. Stop being so judgemental/negative.
2. Stop talking shit/gossiping.
3. Work out a shit load/be healthy but still eat dessert every day (finally able because after those tonsils come out Thursday, I plan on being healthy indefinately!
4. Not be sick.
5. Be better, not bitter.
6. Stop worrying so damn much what people think about me (this is already going pretty fair).
7. Oh yeah... Blog more often (this is already going pretty well, too).
8. Ditch a jillion of my crazy OCD habbits... Yes. I flip out when things aren't in their exact places. I notice when even the slightest of my listerine is missing, and I make declarations when I'm annoyed at how the blanket isn't on the couch right, the pillow is facing the wrong way or there's a coffee ring on the counter.

Yeah... i'm going to make a GREAT mom someday.

What's everyone else working on (if you are, in fact one of the statistics, or like me... just 'happen' to desire change)?????

Ain't it Shocking What Love Can Do?

2005-12-31T10:02:00.000-07:00

Anyone seen "Being Bobby Brown?" What the hell happened to Whitney?

Love?

Cause she is one, cracked-out whore. And I know said has been the case for several years now,but geeeeeeeez.

This is no way comes from some bizarre hate for her because when i was 11, I wrote her a letter saying I thot she was amazing (she was... not is) and she sent the letter back stamped Elvis-style "Return To Sender."

Bitch.

But now she's on national television showing everyone the disgrace that she has become. How nice for her.

That wasn't my main point, really... just wanted to touch on that...and basically shit all over something very important (humor is the way to deal in times of crisis...)

My grandfather is in the hospital... not sure if he's going to be ok. And the funny thing is, out of 9 children, my mom is always the only one allowed up at the hospital with he and my grandma - because she is the "iron marshmallow." i.e. the softie that stands strong in any situation but still has the knack to ease everyone into even the worst news.

So...my mom fields all of the phone calls from everyone else who is concerned. I'm sitting with my brother while she is up there and I didn't even think about it when she asked me, but i'm all "Well... I have to..."

Hi...family first. I feel so damn selfish sometimes. Not sure why I do that.

Oh yeah. Cause I'm a writer and not a linguist. Don't speak. I don't know what you're saying. Please just stop complaining,because you say everything WRONG.

Not to mention that my mom has about every other possible thing on her shoulders as well. Coming home is always a nice check in and see how minimal my life's problems are. Not that she has a lot, but she just is always in the throw of so much...

I know everybody thinks their mom is the most amazing person they know, but I have to argue... because you haven't met mine.

2005 is supposed to be thrown out (because it's been a shit year) and good good shtuff is supposed to start happening starting tomorrow. This whole hospital thing just doesn't coincide if my grandpa doesn't get better... :-(

So just a news flash to everyone reading this:
Throw out your bad shit. Today. Don't let the trash sit on your front porch another damn day because you're going to shape the fuck up starting at 11:59pm this evening. Straighten that shit up and start anew... because while I don't think you have to restrict your 'resolutions' to the first of the year (this is like smokers saying "oh... i'll quit on tuesday." ... my ass), it's certainly a good 'excuse' and, well... if you're good at making those, than here's a grand opportunity.

I think that was my inner first-born child bitch kicking in. I'm very bossy.
So just do it before I give you a wedige.

Oh, By the way... Happy New Year. and oh yeah.

2006 is THE YEAR OF THE DOG in Chineese Astrology. That's my Year... and everyone else born in 1994, 1982, and 1970.

Sa-weet!

That's Hot

2005-12-30T02:43:00.000-07:00

Kudos to Paris Hilton who is one classy broad (photo courtesy my favorite, Trent). I can't say I haven't done something equally as uncuth in public, but gosh, woman... when you're being followed 27 hours of the day by paparazzi, you probably shouldn't be diggin' for gold," "goin' to the movies," or just to put it blundtly: SCRATCHING YOUR PUSS on a public beach.

That's (not) hot. But it does prove that the new catch phrase really should be that taking a shower means sticking your hand up your bagina (courtesy this girl who seems like one cool chic...).

Thanks for passing that one along, Paris... because as everyone knows... as soon as you get your golden little hands on something, it turns instantly do platinum.

Irregardless... this photo also proves that it will never be cool to be Paris due to recent events of 2005:

1. Stealing Mary-Kate's Boy Toy WHILE they were still together.
2. Being BORING during sex (so illustriously demonstrated during "A Night In Paris"
3. "Losing" your Sidekick and pissing off about 500 well-known celebutantes.
4. Scratching your cootch while in plain civilian view.
5. Being best friends with Kim Stewart (She apparently has a "picking" problem, as well).

Paris, dear. Need I say anything more than That's just (not) hot.

Living in a Snowglobe

2005-12-29T13:35:00.000-07:00

All break I've wanted snow.

And now, just a few days before I have to drive across possibly one of the most boring trecks of land in America, and probably just hours before I"ll get a chance to go Ice Skating up on the pond with my two favorite cousins and a bon fire, IT'S FREAKING BLIZZARDING OUTSIDE!!!

Mmm... blizzard.

Anyway... we (i mean... my parents) have a lot of windows in their house. Purdy.

I crossed a lot of shtuff off my list shopping yesterday. My boots boots, a slew of make-up (and some really kick ass peppermint lip color stuff from Bath and Body), as well as a new Sami Jacket and undertanks. I'm working on the tennis shoes and mini-tramp - for which I would like to utilize today -- but with all the snow, i'm ending up sitting around on my ass instead.

It's nearly time to return back to reality.

Also lame.

I think 2006 is goin to be good tho. Plus... I have a new skirt coming in the mail. Wonder how long that will take.

One week and counting until surgery. If anyone in Denver (who i Know) is free on Thursday, Jan 5 from about 9:30am - 12:30pm to drive me to and from the hospital... I would greatly appreciate. My mom can't make it down...and i'm not going to Reschedule.

Off to Anna Nicole my ass...

Insight to the box between my thighs

2005-12-28T11:32:00.000-07:00

Today, my doctor took a shower.

And by took i mean, "Stuck her hand" and by shower I mean "up my bagina."

Actually really painless and easy this time around (third times a charm).

Something I wish I would have avoided before this mornings appointment
-- The salty curry chicken I ate last nite for two reasons -- 1. gas.

2. the extra 4lbs or so displayed on the scale due to salt grabbing onto an extreme excess of water. Water weight. Shyeah.

But all is wonderful in the world of bagina (and big, giant boobies), because Victoria's Secret is having their giant semi-annual sale and i'm going to spend a bagillion dollars to beguil my bagina and ba-boobies.

Booyah.

I so excited.
Well, only partially excited because of how chubby i feel today after being weighed on the digital scale and finding out i've gained 10-12 lbs over the last few months (hi... i've basically had mono).

But whatever. still hot! and licky for me, the weight gain is in the bra....

BOOBS!

Dream Cleaning

2005-12-27T14:30:00.000-07:00

I'm going through a life cleanse right now.

It's FABULOUS.

And not only in my day-to-day, but my dream life, as well.

Hell, I even had Matt Nathanson trying to teach me how to play Maracca's at Common Grounds in Highlands while waiting for a Buzz the other night. WHo the fuck doesn't know how to play maraccas? Come on, Matt.

I've been thinking a lot lately about wanting to simplify everything down to less clutter and complication. I'm pretty sure it's one part being severely ill the past few weeks and wanting to just start fresh and another part spending quality time at the several of my fam's houses while here in South Dakota that makes me want to revamp and spring clean.

I"m talking, shift out all the old-school clothes and bring in basic stuff so i no longer have like, four of everything.

Last nite, I went through an explicit closet re-organization project in my dream world. Felt great... and when I woke up this morning, I got a phone call from one of my good ones over in New Hampshire:

"Hi, what are you doing?," He asked.
"Nothing much at the moment," as I lie in bed waiting for him to appologize for not calling on Christmas or for some other lame reason.
"Well... I'm at the Banana Republic in New Hampshire and I just found a skirt that you absolutely HAVE to have. I need to know your size."

I paused. What??? He's never bought me anything... coooool.

BR is nice, classy shit! I'm excited. I need new clothes.

Also on my list (for my own reference):
A mini-trampoline
New Make-up
New Boots Boots.
Digital Camera
Body Shimmer
Bras and Panties
Cool Quilt (soft) for bed.

I'm sure once I clear out my tonsils in a week and a half, that will leave more room for good as well.

For now, though - i'm off to get my hair did.
Translation: Sweet! I don't have to do my hair today!

Feliz Navidad

2005-12-25T13:25:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas Ya'all.

I hope the festivities are treating you all like queens and kings and that you are eating much and laughing your butt off at hard-dying family traditions.

My todo list for today:

*Watch Christmas Story on TBS at least once over the next 24 hours.
*Wear pajamas for at least half of the day before having to get all souped-out to go be around family
*Hug at least 14 people
*Eat three different kinds of pie
*Get plastered on wine around 40 or so family members (Thank god i'm wearing cabernet-colored pants)
*Squish my nephew about 80 times.

More to come on all of this. I guess we're doing a HUGE family photo with my grandparents, all 18 of my aunts and uncles and all 20some of my cousins + my little nephew (the only great grand baby). Should be fun... and since my stepdad is the photographer, i'm lucky enough to know i need to look shnazzed (the photo is a big fat surprise).

So for now, until i spend some of my xmas cash on a new digital camera (Cause lord needs i'm having a hard time living without one)... here's some cheer to throw in your big fat bowl of egg nog.

Love you all!

Disclaimer: this is gross

2005-12-16T00:07:00.000-07:00

Now, albiet this isn't a very good photo, but I wanted you all to know just how much pain I am in right now.

Because my tonsil has blown up to massive porportions.

Now you can see my fingers.
And you can see the flashlight.

Now see that Jaba The Hut looking guy in the back?? That's my extremely pussed-out tonsil. The other one is almost kissing it, but the left side hurts much more. I've taken steroids to shrink it, the strongest antibiotic and i'm on my second codine of the day and nothin' is making that baby come down.

If this picture looks like nothing, please... show up at my residence and i'd be happy to let you peer down my throat because mother fucking god... this hurts like hell!

Mystery of the Week

2005-11-29T00:57:00.000-07:00

Huh.

I was all shut down and I had to come back on and write this because I'm half confused, half laughing my ass off.

I just popped in the Friends Season 7 DVD (Disc 3) into the Dvd Player so I have something to watch myself to sleep. I wait for it to start and instead of Joe, Monica, Chandler, Pheebs, Ross and Rachel, The Last Samurai comes on and I think, 'huh... maybe i put the wrong one in.'

After all, i did just grab the disc without looking.

I pop the disc out and give it a looky-loo. No --- it's Friends, Season 7, Disc 3.

Pop it back in, and The Last Samurai comes on again. The whole movie even plays.

Funny.

Also, not funny - because clearly, this is one more instance of bad karma because i can't fucking STAND Tom Cruise.

Go figure...

Can someone who has Season 7 of Friends pop in their disc 3 and see if they have this problem as well, or if I just got a lemon.

And if so... do I write Warner Brothers and tell them of this matter, hoping they'll hook me up with a bunch of free stuff? After all, my friend Rob did this because his box of twinkies was missing the cream filling and he got six months worth of free twinkies.

Hahaha. What would you do?

It burns, burns burns...

2005-11-24T12:06:00.000-07:00

I have this insecurity burning a giant hole in my heart.

It hurts.

Which is funny, because it's over someone that is no longer my man. I mean, my heart is totally and completely still mixed up with him (henceforth, making this insecurity valid) but it's one that I NEVER had when I was with him. And i'm about 130% sure that I have no need to worry about this issue at all, but because I have a need to keep things in control, and I'm not there to manage, I have an obscenely painful ache in the left side of my chest.

Right now, after one very terrible friday night last weekend, I'm sitting in my hometown more confused than anything. I know what happened is wrong, but I"ve already forgiven the action and still feel immense love for this person.

Is this just a great presence of unconditional love and trust, or a flaming lack of self-respect?

That's the question I need an answer to.

Walk The Line

2005-11-18T15:53:00.000-07:00

Went to the 12:01am showing of Walk The Line Last nite (or this morning) - meaning I am one of the first peeps in Denver to have seen it.

Damn Good movie.

I didn't get home till 3am, but like everyone's saying, it rocks.

What the...

2005-11-17T12:59:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry, but I had to post this for all the Laguna Bitches out there...

[btw, the finale totally sucked ass. i wanted drama. all i got was kristin crying and thinking about season one. barf]

We see Talan, allllll the way over on the right -- formerally infatuaed with Kristin and screwing around with Taylor...

So...what the fug is this shit???????

I'm sorry... but KIM STEWART!?!? The two are ENGAGED after only Two months??? I just did a quadruple take...

[photo courtesy Trent

UnivisioN!

2005-11-15T11:06:00.000-07:00

Oi vei!

Hizole sabe que el español tuvo su propia exposición del Tribunal de Personas. ¿Con un juez de mujer de latina!? Yo no querría voy a cerca de aquí con una asta de 10 pies. ¡Eso es la controversia al Max!!

Un número pinchó arriba al fin de la exposición.

Quizá usted debe llamar y deber averiguar lo que es para:
800-915-7676

[for translation, go HERE

Denver Police...

2005-11-14T17:14:00.000-07:00

Suck ass. Someone broke into my car last nite and stole my digital camera and my ipod. I know i know... why'd you leave that in there - busy, stressed lately - got home too late last nite to park in my garage or bring shit in.

I tried to call to have a cop come check it out - the thief LEFT a screwdriver that he used to break in my window IN My back seat with a tag saying where it could have came from --- and none of the phone lines for the police were working.

When I called 911, they told me that a cop wouldn't come out, and that I had to file it online or go to the police station. The nearest station was 1.5 miles away, and while I had the adrenaline to walk there, I didn't feel safe walking down federal in a mini-skirt and boots. Mexico town.

So I walked to the High School down the street and talked to cops there. They said it was Bullshit and called someone to come over right away.

By the time I walked home, a cop showed up - I introduced myself and he was completely rude. He took down my info, the stuff I had stolen, then handed me a business card and told me I could call and send them $10 for a report.

"Well, the burglary tool is IN the backseat. Can't you do fingerprints?"

"Nope. I can dispose of the tool if you'd like," he responded.

"Um... They did fingerprints me last time this happened to me."

"In Denver?"

"Uh.. Yeah," I lied, hoping I'd get my way.

"Yeah. we don't do that. I've been on the force for 12 years."

"Ok. So you have possible evidence where you could DO something about it and your'e not going to Fucking use it? That's fucking retarded. I mean, I don't mean to be rude to you, but that's just riduculous!"

So he took the tool, and kept it - and they're not doing anything about it. I called his supervisor and he gave me some runarround.

I'm so upset because they're supposed to serve and protect but I just feel gang raped and pretty helpless. I'll get over my stuff being gone, but you can't fucking help me out AT ALL! I could go to fucking TOYS R US and buy some SPY KIT for $29.99 and get more done than they could. FUCK THE LOT OF YOU!

On top of that, I have to pay to get my window fixed. Greeeat. And I wasn't super upset about the IPod, because i LOVE it, but i can get another and all my music is still here --- that camera was a fucking GRADUATION PRESENT from college from my Step Dad and had a shitload of IRREPLACEABLE pictures on it. The battery is fucking DEAD ON IT and I HAVE THE CHARGER IN MY HOUSE. YOu can't even USE IT! YOu fucking crack whore. I hope the 6 hour fix you're going to get from this is fucking worth it because you are a fucking douchebag and karma will fucking get you for this.

End Scene.

End Rant.

Public

2005-11-11T12:27:00.000-07:00

I've never been one to squat above the toilet seat. I wash my butt everyday, I already have pretty great thighs and I'm not totally concerned that I'll contract anything crab-like since i keep my muff pretty bare bones bare.

But I wonder how many times a day I walk by someone that I have sat on the same toilet as.
On average - you walk by 300 people in one day ---
Have you shared the same toilet seat with 94 of them?
Were three in one similar location, while two of the people where somewhere in Kansas five years ago when you were traveling cross country?
11 were at the movie theater - same stall, same toilet - totally different movie time (that link is appauling!).
32 were at your favorite restraunt - which is your favorite because the food is amazing, but not your favorite because of the neccessary trip to the bathroom after you indulge.
(btw... 28 of those 32 people have the same opinion).

Why is it that people who are down with camping won't sit on a damn public toilet? You touch all kind of shit out there in 'the wilderness'. You've probably even had sex in the woods, where bears have possibly had sex and laid their seed - RIGHT where you just did the deed.

And I'm sure you've had unwanted guests in your home - who have sat their stupid asses on your own personal porceline, and you're still sitting there. You're still pooping there --

So what the hell's your deal?
What's the phobia??
Do any of you who are hovering above the john actually know someone personally that's contracted a butt disease/fungus?
Or do you just know of some guy that you heard of in the paper 9 years ago who may have possibly, but you're not really sure, caught some ass bug?
I'd think as long as you steer clear of bathrooms that look like crack houses or have housed some MAJOR ass drainage would be completely fine.

I'd really like to know. Because I've been touching my ass to all sorts of public places for 23 years and I've yet to have a problem.-

Dojee da dojee da dojee ding ding

2005-11-05T01:16:00.000-07:00

I don't want to be your baby girl...

or do i?

i do tonight. i miss my baby! :-(
anyway...

Why must the film industry do this to us? Honestly - I think four movies just came out TODAY that I want to see RIGHT THIS SECOND:

Shop Girl
Chicken Little
JarHead

OK... Three, but Johnny Cash - Walk the Lne is next Friday!

Like, we can't afford all the presents we're about to buy for about 50 people on our xmas list already.... why not put out every single good film that you can make all in one day so we spend all our money on that,too!

I mean, im thrilled. Really. but why can't you do it in February and call it my birthday present?

Hmm?

Crappy Halloween!

2005-10-31T00:30:00.000-07:00

Today Sucked.

This week sucked.

My life pretty much sucks right now.

Actually, my body is here, going through the motions, but my mental, emotional and spiritual beings have all checked out. Yeah, i 'm here going through the motions, but the rest of me has disapeared.

I'm on hiatus.

gone. -

Sign over your soul

2005-10-27T14:55:00.000-06:00

I swear to god, when you Sign up for an account on AOL, you sell your sould to the devil.

Mind you, this wasn't a recent development, but something That i did when I was about 16.

SIXTEEN!

I'm nearly 24 (oh my god) and I've called AOL three (count them, THREE) times to cancel my account because why pay $30 bucks a month when you can get better e-mail for free?

I have valid reasons for canceling:

1. The only reason I use AOL is for e-mail.
2. Their f*#king search engine never works for me.
3. I have high-speed internet that I already pay $45/month for
4. Stupid whore-bag users IM me all the time trying to send me a virus.
5. I have f*$&ing google mail for free, which stores way more stuff and is way more convenient for me.

So every f*$&ing time I call, I get some AOL representive from India or South America that is reading off script and tries 9 million way to get me to stay.

"No. I want to cancel."

"But are you aware that AOL offers premier virus protection and you can keep your e-mail for $9.99 per month"

"Yep. Not interested. Thank you!"

So they decide to keep me on for free for one month --- if I still don't want it, i'm to call the day before my billing goes through to cancel.

Wait... isn't that what i'm doing RIGHT NOW?!

I say fine - whatever - mark it on my calendar and call back on the day to be reckoned with.

This time they do the same f*&king thing and wind up giving me AOL for one more month. GReAT. i have to f*$&ing call back one more f($*ing time. F$#(ing SUPER!

I didn't call back this time. I got busy --- But I did just got check my bank account and see a $28.90 charge for AOL.

F*#K!!!!!!

I called and bitched out April... who i feel really bad for, because I'm using all of these explicit deletes, but gosh dammit - if you would have just done what I asked the first time, THISWOULDN"T BE A F*&KING ISSUE!!!!

So they finally cancled. I still have to pay the $28.90 for last month, And now I have my e-mail free from the internet. WTF?!

F*&KING AOL! YOU ARE THE DEVIL!

Yay!

2005-10-21T12:43:00.000-06:00

Squishy butt comes this weekend! :-)

That means, i'll be spending all weekend with two of my favorite girls and the squishy butt, who is only 5 months, but already 25 lbs. hahahahahaha.

SQUISHY!

I just finished up work --- going to walgreens for some prescription medicine to sleeeeeeeeep.

big fat sinus infection.

nothing interesting to report. deal with it.

Hault.

2005-10-17T21:27:00.000-06:00

Isn't it interesting that you can call out "stop" anytime you want?

ON anything?

I mean, there's bad sex, the eating thing... your job, some girl walking across the street when the RED HAND IS FLASHING!!!! Of course... you don't Yell stop, you just keep driving and watch her yell at you as you speed away into traffic, nearly grazing her with your bumper.

Granted, it's not always completely up to you.

I often hear words coming out of my mouth that I wish I could stop. I sound too self-involved or insecurity screams through my comments --- and I hate that I can be so transparent. And just like anyone who hears me may think I"m trying to fool them, but I'm not. I hear it, too.

I wish I could say "STOP" to all of the things that I hate about myself. Random things, that I know I'm going to have to fix before I even have a shot in hell at settling up with someone (not that it's my ultimate goal, but it pretty much makes all the relationship stuff now a "moo" point).

I've been in this relationship which has been one/fifth fun beginning, two fifths headache and two more fifths laughing, gracing a pedastal while loved.

But the funny thing is, when I hear everyone comment about it, it makes me realize that I'm just as flawed. It's the little things... and when I see him act that way, I'm so disgusted and turned off... but disheartened because don't you attract people whom possess similar qualities as yourself?

In which case, i'm feeling pretty blah. There's the big heart, but impatient attitude. The raging insecurities that match mine on other levels. Maybe he expresses his frustrations out loud, but I think a lot of the same things. I think a lot of the time i even provoke the behavior just to start a confrontation and make him feel bad. Who's worse - or are we really a good match because of this?

I'll only say one more thing, and it's a Song that pretty much sums up how I feel about 45 % of th etime... Runs through my head a lot.

Matt Nathanson - Hold Me

Hold me
Save me from myself
I claim to be so righteous but I'm just like everyone else
I was judging you when I realized just how big a lie I lead
Hold me
I truly wish you could follow me in my walk through brilliance
But I've grown so much hollower and the paths have all grown dense
With vines of green, the color of envy
With vines of green, the color of jealousy
And it s funny but I hate it when you steal the spotlight from me
Hold me
I've no patience for hypocrites, I have no patience for fakes
I've no patience for those who make my same mistakes
So hold me

I am such a fraud

2005-10-09T23:01:00.000-06:00

Jesus. Either I have a serious stick up my butt today or i've changed massively.

I swear i fucking hate the age of 23. I FUCKING HATE IT.

I just got in a fight with my mom (which hasn't happened since...oh... 1998) over... Ready? POLITICS. Gay. I don't even talk about politics. EVER! I'm ignorant and try to stay out of such topics beacause it causes arguements. And we're at a nice restraunt haveing a very nice dinner and I'm arguing, mostly because I just want to argue. I'm agreeing on sides - Yes, I'm a republican - the sytem/morals/policies are more to my favoring, but i'm sorry - bush is a mondo idiot sometimes! I wanted her point of view and she wasn't giving it to me. So I got mad.

All I wanted to do was rip out all of these hurtful things and throw them in her face about all this stuff that I"m resentful about because i'm raging insecure and she's a fucking rockstar, but don't because it's wrong, and I wouldn't want to hurt her that way - it's my shit, not hers.

Am I starting to grow apart from my mother? When the fuck did this happen!?
I hate it.

I'm driving home and I text message my friend to talk because dammit, i really need to talk to someone right now and the one I really want to talk to can't get my phone call because 1. he has no cell phone and 2. he is at his brother's house where his niece went to bed at 8pm and it's now 9:30 and I'm not allowed to call.

My friend just texts me to inform me of his new girlfriend from my home state (thanks) - so I call, he says he's at a club, i get mad and pretty much say fuck off (I told you - i'm a bitch today).

No love there... So I text the Hot Project, who btw lives THREE BLOCKS from me, and calls occasionaly to "check in" but had since laid off with me having had a boyfriend. I needed attention (lame) but I wanted to just Talk** (with him? I don't know why either...) I didn't honestly expect him to get back to me, but just as I'm having a screaming fit at home because my cat his SHIT ON MY BRAND NEW COMFORTER (the third time in three days), my phone rings and it's none-other than the Hottie himself, who i'm pretty sure would have hung out ALL Night Long (inapropriate) because, "Yeah, I don't have to work until 10:30." Smart, Sami. Smart.

As I was scrubbing the shit stain off the comforter in the sink, I told him I had to go and would call him in a bit, then texted him moments later saying I was having a breakdown and I'd talk to him when I was being more rational. I realy didn't plan on calling back at all, as i regreted the entire idea of being near his vascinity the minute I heard his voice on the other end of the phone.

What the fuck are we doing? Why do we even talk anymore?

I then proceeded to cry at volume 11 around my house for 30 minutes, bashing myself fairly consistently. I hate me. I hate my life. I hate who I am. I hate my fucking attitude. I hate my fucking friend and his fucking fraud behavior/lifestyle (who am I, or the lot of you to talk). I hate fucking everything.

And I think it is because I am sitting around in "my apartment" with five jobs, making no money, because apparently, in my tax bracket, the government gets 28% of my paycheck every week (which started the whole dinner debate) and my mom has just generously bought me all of this great apartment stuff, and spent the weekend with me, and i'm a big fucking fraud who'll never be able to have kids because i'm unstable as sin and can't pass that on to my children. FUCK!

Fucking ridiculous fraud child. I fucking hate you.

I do. And yeah, it'll probably pass - and yeah, i'm probably just in a mood, but god dammit, what a mood. I am a fucking loser. I fucking hate 23.

**why do we turn to exes for support? i'm not even drinking!?!?!?!?!?

And this is all the report of the day and I'm shutting the fuck up to go watch something that My mom and I both Love, and hopefully I will wake up in the morning and get over my attitude bullshit, get up and drive to the Condo and give a warm, heart-felt hug to all of my family so that they leave tomorrow to go back to South Dakota happy and I can go back to my pathetic little life here in Denver pretending that i"m actually making a difference in the world with my bullshit lifestyle. FUCK. At least I can keep it here so no one back home can see what a fucking fraud/loser I've become.

Unless, of course, they read this entry - in which case - i'm just having a bad day and using that fuck word a lot.

Questions... ANyone?

2005-10-04T12:59:00.000-06:00

Can anyone tell me...

1.Why, when men 'walk' to get a sandwhich for lunch, do they throw their tie over their shoulder? Is it because they're affraid of getting a big sweat spot down the middle of their shirt?

Because now, the sweatspot is just going to be across their chest, shoulder and back.

Or is this just some fashion statement?

2. How could I be so enamoured with someone that looked like this when i was six:

Haha

3. What is the motivation for cleaning your house when you clean someone else's for a living? How do cleaning ladies do it? Seriously, you go home... sick of cleaning - and want to *fwomp* onto your couch. What is the motivation?

The only answer I can come up with, thus far: your mother is coming to visit.

4. What is the best method to flush **800 calories and 44 grams of fat from your system?

**This would not be so bad had it been consumed over the course of one, maybe two meals - but I scarfed this down in about 10 minutes while devouring a cupcake from Whole Foods Last Night. It wasn't until after it was already in my body that I realized how potent the calorie/fat ratio was. 800 CALORIES AND 44 GRAMS OF FAT!??!?!?!

5. I just took the "Which Laguna Beach Character Are You" quiz and was told that I'm Stephen. Does that mean I should have a Penis? Does it mean that I am a Lesbian? A Tomboy? Some girl that's really in touch with her masculine side? Or did the creator of this quiz just really blow it on the whole organization?

6. Is anyone interested in doing some web design for cheap $$/nothing at all? I've bought a domain and hosting, and while i'm clever with html/web management, I can't, for the life of me figure out how the bloody hell to start from complete scratch. mail me if you're into it.

Cliff's Notes

2005-10-03T11:52:00.000-06:00

Hahahahahahahhaa.

Ha.

I just found a "Cliff's Notes," summarizing a lot of Bands in Denver.
Whoever wrote this is pretty funny - and dead honest.
I love brutal honesty

Band #5 –"dave matthewsish" - not from here – no local draw
Band #6 – local solo – have no friends
Band #14 - old people with no friends
Band #37 - very average local band with shitty attitude

There's good stuff, too --- Very talented local artist with decent draw, great performer, awesome promoters --- great drinking crowd, etc. etc. etc.

Shit flies around so much in music - but It made me think... How nice would it be if you could just get a Cliff's Notes on EVERYTHING in life - so you didn't waste time and money.

I mean, I could read What Color is your Parachute - Which I've bought, but it's about as think as a 8lb brick, and I don't feel like working that much to try and find my calling --- but if someone could make a Cliff's Notes I'd totally buy it.

Think of the possibilities.

Cliff's Notes on:

Diets:

Atkins/South Beach - Impossible - you'll eat your hand, then gain 20 lbs after you eat one bagel.
Grapefruit - Works, but you'll turn orange
Cabbage Soup - Healthy, but you'll turn green
Juice Fast - Will hit head on towel rack when you pass out in your bathroom after 2 hours

Ex-Boyfriends (names are changed. DUH!)

Daniel - Leo - world revolves around - center of attention - Penis has been in places I never want to know about. V. manipulative and convincing - if you choose to stay with this one, you will go through the same arguments on a regular basis (see: every 6-12 weeks).

Carlo - Egomaniacal Italian - Ignores reality so does not have to deal with consequences - runs away when confronted - frequent in bed, but horrible skills, small penis for such tall height. Other fuck-buddies will call WHILE you are having sex with him.

Alexander - Hot. Really Hot. Absurdly, cream your panties hot - but selfish in bed (read: You will never orgasm), aside from the cuddly sleeping (which is very nice), has same problem as Carlo, but you are able to be more accepting, as he is so hot.

Drew - Loving. Supportive. Puts you on pedastal and does/says lots of nice things for you. Great in bed, great member -
But jealous, insecure - raging insecure. You can be with him - and be happy, but you'll have to dumb down your greatest assets so he doesn't feel threatened/jealous. You will also have to stop being friends with other males.

I wonder if peeps started keeping tabs on all of these things, everything would get better. Maybe if we all stopped dating shitty people, they'd take the hint and realize they have to shape their shit up.

Or maybe if musicians knew that they were really awesome but had too much of the silver-spoon disease (i.e. Axel Rose, Howie Day), then maybe they knock off the shitty attitude and work on their flaws.

Or everyone would just be fighting. Maybe we'd actually keep the focus on America instead of trying to start wars in other countries?

Or maybe people should live where i live and realize that ignorance really is bliss. What you don't know, doesn't hurt you --- but i suppose it doesn't really make you better, either - and that blows ass.

The Joy of Sex... and other Stuff

2005-09-29T12:11:00.000-06:00

I love my new job!

Personal Assistant, bitches.

Always have wanted to do that for a celebrity, but have landed a job doing this for a mucho busy bachelor, who is in dier need of a woman's touch.

And you jest, I'm sure that you think that being a PA is just bitch work, but it's so much fun! I get to play house in someone else's gorgeous pad. Love IT!

Plus I get to hang out with these guys:

Flexible, working for a trusting guy - we get along great... which reminds me I need to burn him some Mp3s... totally spaced on that.

Other than that, I have some (very) intersting stuff to report... but better wait until things are less up in the air.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. *Big Sigh*

Ooooh! OOoooooh!

2005-09-23T19:11:00.000-06:00

My brain works not much unlike the game that is: Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.

But since I dont' really like Kevin Bacon, I"ll give you a short run-down, in six steps or less, on how I arrived at posting the following.

1. I heart Steve Martin..
2. I had a dream about Steve Martin the other night where we were both discussion his book Shopgirl (which releases as a motion picture NEXT MONTH) over bar-b-q chicken at a fundraiser event in the mountains.
3. When I awoke, I had to stress out about writing the cover story for the music magazine I have now been writing for for over one year (oh my gawd!).
4. The cover story is on The Suicide Girls Burlesque Show, coming to the Gothic Theatre Oct. 25.
5. I am currently researching the site to get information for the 1300 words i'm going to have to spew out for the cover story in the next five hours (blah).
6. I found an interview with Steve Martin on the site, and it goes a little something like this:

Steve Martin is a god, not the G-d but a god nonetheless. When I try to remember my childhood I mostly come up with images of The Man with Two Brains and The Jerk. But in recent years his works has turned to the more complex with such theater plays as Picasso at the Lapin Agile and the novella Shopgirl.

Next month Touchstone Pictures will release the film adaptation of Shopgirl with Martin writing, producing and starring.

Shopgirl is about Mirabelle [played by Claire Danes] who oversees the rarely frequented glove counter at Saks Fifth Avenue in Beverly Hills. She is an artist struggling to keep up with even the minimum payment on her credit card and student loans, she keeps to herself until a rich, handsome fifty something named Ray Porter [Steve Martin] sweeps her off her feet. Simultaneously, Mirabelle is being pursued by Jeremy [Jason Schwartzman], a basic bachelor who's not quite as cultured and successful as Ray.

Check out the official site for Shopgirl

Daniel Robert Epstein: How was it adapting your own work into a screenplay?

Steve Martin: I’ve adapted before with Cyrano de Bergerac and the play Underpants so I know the process. But as far as adapting my own work, I knew what I wanted, I knew what I liked about the book and I knew what I wanted in the screenplay. But you still know that you have to be pretty cold sometimes. I have a saying that when you're adapting something it takes the process of a failed marriage. It starts with fidelity. Then there's transgression and then there's divorce. What I mean by that is that you start off going, “Oh, we're going to use this and this and this” and then you go, “Hmm” and then there's the moment where you go, “Maybe I could rewrite this.” Then finally you completely separate it and look at your own work and it's internal mechanics and make sure that it works correctly and not just salvage things from the book.

DRE: Do you see this as a Los Angeles trilogy along with LA Story and Bowfinger?

SM: I never thought of that, but that's what I'm going to say from now on.

DRE: Are there personal moments from your life in the book?

SM: That's hard to answer because some of it is personal and some of it isn't. It's a work of fiction and imagination so you draw the characters from life. I know that the character of Lisa Cramer is really three specific women that I've known in my life or talked to or interviewed or whatever. So every event has almost a multiple source. Every storyline is like, “This is from this part of my life. This is from someone else's life.” I remember that a woman told me that she slept with someone because he wanted to so badly and I thought, “It can work that way?” So you're just collecting anecdotes and you don't know what you remember until you remember it.

DRE: Was it hard for you to play such a reserved character?

SM: No, not at all. I understood the character so there's none of that though it was hard to say some of the things that Ray Porter had to say. I have a friend who's a comedian that had just done a drama and he got all these kudos for doing it and he said, “Steve, if I got praised for my dramatic acting it's only because when they were cutting to me I was thinking about where I was having dinner.” Meaning that he was just stoic and a lot of emotion is written in nothing. Ray Porter is quite stoic.

DRE: How is doing drama different from comedy?

SM: In drama you worry and in comedy you really worry. With comedy you've got to get the laughs but drama can actually survive in silence. So you're constantly thinking and cutting for the joke and where the laugh comes. It's like another element. Drama is just as precise but you also have this obligation in comedy to make people laugh.

DRE: You wrote your first nude scene in Shopgirl, how was that?

SM: Well it’s not like a gratuitous nude scene. It's a perfect example of a nude scene being essential to the story. In the scene Ray and Mirabelle are sort of warming up to each other then he gets a phone call and leaves the room. While he's gone she takes off her clothes and lies down on the bed because she knew that this was the night. She accepted it and took charge of it and didn't let the game go on. I think that it's a very surprising moment.

DRE: How did the choice for you to do the narration come about?

SM: I originally wrote the narration to be read by an older woman. But it was suggested by the director that I give it a try and at first I was puzzled though ultimately I liked it because it did give Ray the feeling that he was looking back and apologizing. He was observing now from a distant place and being rational about it.

DRE: Many of your films are set in Los Angeles, what entrances you about that city?

SM: I was raised in Orange Country, California so I've lived there my whole life. But I think that the reason that most actors don't like living in LA is that they're always waiting there. You wait for a script to come. You wait for the call to come. You're driving around forever. Everywhere you look there is competition, but reason that they live there is that that's where the business is.

DRE: Was doing Shopgirl a way for you to get back to a drama?

SM: There's no rhythm to it. Shopgirl is a very special situation because I wrote the novel and I wrote the screenplay. There was no, “I need a drama.” Shopgirl is a work from the heart and when you do that it's very thrilling. Then sometimes, like in Cheaper by the Dozen, you work for the love of comedy and in Pink Panther you work for the love of comedy or the love of that character. That's a very specific thing.

DRE: It was interesting that Mirabelle works in Saks selling those long gloves that no one even wears anymore.

SM: In a sense that’s a big metaphor for the type of girl that Mirabelle is. She's soft spoken, retiring, she doesn't put herself out there and she’s not aggressive. She's got quiet beauty and in Beverly Hills that's really rare. So that's what that is about. It's about the opportunity to discover beauty in quiet hidden places. In fact the narration in the movie and in the book says, “She needs an omniscient voice to say, Here she is. Here she is.”

DRE: Mirabelle is an artist that makes her pictures out of negative space, what does that mean to you?

SM: Just that there's beauty in detail and the beauty is often the background. I loved exploring the actual mechanics of her life such as how she drives, where she shops, how much she spends for lunch and her car. The way she sits and wears her glasses when she drives. All of these things truly reveal her character and it’s so telling rather than blurting out exposition. There's almost no words spoken in the first 15 minutes of the movie until the voiceover comes in with Mirabelle in bed looking up at the stars.

DRE: Why didn’t you direct this?

SM: I didn't have the heart to direct it. I couldn't write, direct, act, produce. It's too much.

DRE: You were in the movie version of Sgt Bilko and upcoming you have the remake of The Pink Panther. As a comedian and writer, why would you take the risk of inhabiting roles made famous by iconic stars like Phil Silvers and Peter Sellers?

SM: I wanted to do a physical comedy and when The Pink Panther came along I questioned myself about whether or not I could handle it. I spent a little time in that world figuring out if I could. I decided that I could and I liked the team so I went ahead and did it. By the way you'll love it.

by Daniel Robert Epstein

Bread Rising

2005-09-22T21:18:00.000-06:00

Things in life are so inconsistent.

For example, my dress size. That seems to have fluctuated all the way to china as of late, and I can't find anything that i want to wear, at all. Maybe i'm just retaining a lot of water lately. Or maybe, it's the curse of being in a relationship and having the luxury of making your significant other do everything for you, while you lay in bed eating cheetos.

This should finally help us to understand Britney Spears, kapish?

Henceforth, I have gone into extreme work-out, eat very little mode - which never seems to help. Plus i don't have the will-power of a man. What a cruel joke god played on us women when he created willpower. Maybe I should finally break down and try speed.

My job searching is also scattered. One week, I want my schedule like this. The next, I shoot down the other end of the carreer ladder. I go back and forth from dying to go back to school to doing something really non-contributional to society to... driving off somewhere unfamiliar and just disapearing.

My bank account is actually overdrawn pretty badly. Luckily, I have great coverage on my checking account - and the funny thing is - that I am so nerotic about not spending money if I don't have money, and always keeping myself covered - but now that i've passed the $0 mark, I could give a fuck if i'm $9 overdrawn, or $900.

READ: If you want something from me, now's the time to ask.

Maybe this is all just regular symptons of being 23 - and fuck if i've been saying for the entire year, that i fucking HATE my 20s - i can't wait to be 30. Why are the twenties so fucking hard? I thot the teens blew ass--- i mean, i was ugly as sin - at least that status has improved a little bit - the bitch fights with your parents - peer pressure, etc. Then you have the confusion of sexual functions, which i just royaly fucked myself over with because I waited to even kiss a guy til I was nearly 20 (insert "Loser" remark here).

Fuck man. I don't think I even want to be a writer anymore. I hate the deadlines. I hate my editors riding my ass all the time. I don't even have the juice to be creative and great at writing anymore.

But through all of this, one thing that remains consistent, is the big fucking black hair that keeps growing out of this freckle on my right hand. I pluck it every month, and I never notice it growing back, but it's always there; leering at me.

Does anyone else have this problem? Or a smiliar one like it?

Maybe it's just a body hair creeping up as a monthly reminder that I should really try a brazillian wax...